20. When you’re talking something you like, it usually becomes long
“―――And that’s why, president’s work is still too strong in ‘anti-elements’. No, I understand what you want to say. I understand it enough. Since the one popular right now is ‘Reincarnated’ and ‘I am strong’, you want to make story with that in mind, so I think that there is no problem in that regard. But the content is too niche. I mean, punching down the hero of such a ‘Reincarnated’ and ‘I am strong’ story, only a few people who want to reach such a story online. I understand that you’re aiming for that kind of group, but I think that the number of people who want such a story is too small. Well, I’m one of those few people, so I personally enjoyed it a lot, but that’s it. From an objective point of view, you should write something that suit the niche with larger number of followings.”
“Then, you have a bad habit of ruining the heroine. Ah, it’s good that you write more of the hero’s thoughts and his activities. The readers can put themselves into his character. But, that’s why the heroine becomes important. In the story, the heroine is the who always supports the hero who has become tattered. It’s important to write such girls more attractively. I mean, don’t make the heroine says, ‘You’re the best!”, “Wonderful!”, “I fell in love with you!”, no matter what you do. On the contrary, it’s hard to remember her, because her character is too shallow. You need to remember, the readers are not only the main character, but also the heroines. So, her cute, cool, and a little naughty side, any part is fine, please show it more and make her more memorable.”
“In addition, a story about the hero’s and the heroine’s relationships, or something like that, you should write more of that part. Your story, it’s not only about how the hero and the heroine being connected, but it can be a story where the hero supports the heroine that he likes with all his might. The probability of it go to that way is extremely high. It’s okay to makes a story goes that route, you know? It’s not bad, I personally like it. Especially something like, “The protector of a secret love”, such as a theme is not bad too. For example, one day, the hero knew the heroine had a secret relationship with someone, so the hero decided to fight and struggled alone for their happiness. I can relate with such a character.”
“But, But. The readers just want to see the hero and the heroine’s flirting, and how they love-loving with each other. However, when the heroine eventually sticks to another man in the end of story, that kind of development is hard to gasp. After all, the main character is the reader’s avatar in that story. If the lover goes to another man, everyone will get angry, and rage. So, isn’t it okay to write a story where the main character and the heroine are finally together? Or rather, I would like to read such a story. Oh, by the way…”
Yuri gave her impressions and criticisms one after another with her own mouth.
That appearance of her was something Atsushi couldn’t imagine. Rather, it was his first time seeing her speaking properly.
“…Really, when it comes to her favorite genre, she becomes so talkative.”
It’s not like I don’t understand it but, in her case, it’s no exaggeration to say that it’s overkill. The difference in her appearance from usual is too large.
“Is it okay, to not stop ‘it’?”
“Yeah. It’s okay. ‘it’ is the same as usual. So, no problem.”
“The same as usual huh…”
Just because Yuri became friends with Atsushi, her senpais shed happy tears. All of that because they knew Yuri’s disappointing aspects.
“Well, they’re having fun there, so let’s leave them alone. Then, can I hear your impressions about mine?”
“Eh? That… is it okay?”
“Ara? Do you have some problem with it?”
“Well, I mean… Tsurumi-senpai wrote it for women, right? So, is it okay for me as a man to give an opinion?”
“Of course. Sure I’m writing novel for women, but I’m going to make something that even men can read and enjoy. So, I’d like to hear your opinion as a reader.”
“Is that so? Then…”
With that said, Atsushi gave Tsurumi, his honest opinions.
All the stories of Tsurumi had written were romance novels. There was something like vampires in the story, but the center of the story was romance.
Originally, Atsushi didn’t read much romance novels. Especially the ones with a female protagonist.
However, even so, Atsushi was able to be absorbed in Tsurumi’s novel.
“―――So, in summary, I think it’s okay to add a little more brightness to your novel. The overall tone of the story is too dark.”
“Ummm, I see. Then, I’ll write while thinking about that next time.”
After hearing Atsushi’s opinions, Tsurumi smiled.
“Even so, I’m glad.”
“Hm? About what?”
“That a person like you became a friend of Shirasawa-san. She, was almost silent except when she was talking about her impressions, so I knew she had no friends.”
If you can get along with Yuri even a little, you would understand her disappointing aspects in no time. And at the same time, you would know that in fact, she didn’t have a friend.
So of course, if you were a senpai in same club as her, you would understand it even if you didn’t want to.
“She’s a strange girl, but even so, please continue to befriend her.”
“Yes, of course.”
In fact, Atsushi didn’t have that many friends. That was why he wanted to cherish the one that had become his friends. After all, there weren’t many people that he could talk anything without hesitation.
So, no matter how disappointing she might be, Yuri Shirasawa, had become an important friend of Atsushi,
I guess, our relationships wouldn’t change in the future.
“―――So, let’s make her cuter and more erotic! Don’t be half-hearted in showing her shyness! If you want to write the situation where a girl gets bewildered and embarrassed, you need to be bold in writing it! Boldness in important!”
…..Correction, let me take that back.
Atsushi began to rethink about his future with his friends.
TN : Just for some information, for some elements in a story, so when in the net you might see this tag.
転生物 -> ‘Reincarnated’ = Tenseisha [Usually it’s the MC]
俺tuee -> ‘I am strong’ = Ore tuee [The MC is strong]