Ellen bit her lip. Something seemed to sweep over her heart. Those preferences probably were not a woman whose hideous scars made everyone turn the other direction and frown. This was why she could not understand why he was pretending to hold interest in her in such a manner.
She did not want to be hurt again. She did not want for it to be a delusion.
“I’m sure those preferences don’t include a woman like myself. I… It won’t be.”
River stopped walking. Ellen, who had her hand on his arm, also had to come to a stop. River’s lips were curved upwards in a peculiar smile.
“I don’t think my preferences are something that Lady Ellen can judge however she wants.”
“If you like a woman who makes you sick just by looking at her, then I’m sure you will like me.”
River raised one eyebrow and slowly lowered his gaze from her face to her neck and chest, covered by her dress, then her abdomen, and downwards.
“Really? I don’t think I understand because I haven’t seen it. Then it seems I’ll have to see.”
People are cruel. Ellen bit down on her lips hard to prevent her tears from falling and withdrew her hand from his arm. The faster she got it over with, the better. After all, it would be more painful the more her expectations stacked up.
“If you wish so I’ll show you. Please follow me.”
It was hard for her to reach the room while keeping her back straight and her tears from dropping from her eyes. The reason why she came to her room was simple. River would be able to see her terrible body and run straight out. Then she can just fall on the bed and cry.
It would be a lie to say that she had no expectations at all when she first came to the palace. The royal palace was a hot place for all kinds of love. Although the two kings and queens were faithful to each other, the aristocrats were not. Often what they call marriage between two aristocratic families was the union between the two families. Thus, aristocrats exchanged partners every night at the royal palace for sexual intercourse.
For such affairs, they were not very picky as to whom they made love with. She had even overheard a story about an aristocrat who slept with a woman only because her hands were pretty. If that was true, then she had thought she would get a chance to know a man’s body at least once. She didn’t expect to be loved. Once or twice in her life, if she had the chance, she wanted to know how it feels to be embraced by a man.
When the son of Viscount Blair, Alp, first approached her, she was naive. She thought he probably did because he liked the other half of her face, which was fine. So when he seduced her and took her to his room, she followed with a throbbing heart. But the moment she dropped the dress, her little fantasy was over.
“My God, it’s terrible. I didn’t know it was this bad! Forget the bet, I can’t do this. Damn it, if I had known, I would have kept it to the skirt! I can’t do it. Get out, get out right now!”
He vomited by the bedside. She couldn’t even remember how she left his room dressed in her clothes backward and came back to hers. After that, she didn’t even take off her gloves in front of others. She never fell for such a thing again. Well, no man has ever approached her since then, as Alp had likely been spreading rumors.
She didn’t think River would be that kind of guy. He was truly kind. She had wanted to bathe in that sweet illusion a little longer. She just wanted to believe he was genuinely treating her as a lady, and enjoy it a little more.
Ellen’s room was small and neat. There was a small space for receiving guests, and a small bed in the corner. Her sole belongings were a few stored clothes. Outside the small window, she could see the palace courtyard.