She could still hear Aryll and Ryder’s voices coming from the drawing-room outside the bedroom. To divert her mind, Ellen looked at Celia.
“Your Majesty, how can you love both of them the same way?”
Celia tilted her head and looked at her.
Hmm?
“I-isn’t it hard to love two men equally at the same time?”
Celia’s eyes twinkled strangely. Fortunately, however, she did not ask why she asked her such questions but carefully chose her answers.
“I didn’t know how I felt from the beginning. I knew I loved Ced. But Aryll… it was tough. Aryll wasn’t honest. He expressed his love for me in a very, hmm, very childish way, so I realized only later on that I wanted to love them both and not lose any of them. Despite being in a situation where I might lose one…”
Celia glanced briefly in the direction of the drawing-room and pushed towards Ellen a plate of scones. Out of duty, Ellen split a scone and put it to her mouth.
“I don’t think it’s accurate to say I love them equally. My love for Ced and my love for Aryll is a little different. If you ask me in what way, I can’t explain it well. But they are two different people. They are not the same person, so how could my feelings for them be the same? Just as Ced and Aryll need me for different reasons, my feelings with each of them are slightly different. Of course, the only thing that matters is that they need me anyway, and I need them to survive.”
Ellen looked at her with an interrogative look.
“Do you mean that you could not live without them both?”
Celia chuckled.
“I could. But one part of me would always be missing. And I would keep living like this, incomplete, without even knowing what it was.”
Celia sighed satisfactorily, leaned against the sofa, and held her teacup with both hands.
“I’m always grateful that both of them have created this kind of relationship for me. It’s not an easy task. We’ve done something unprecedented, and there’s no guarantee it’s going to continue. The nobles still expect us to break up in some way. I know it too. They all say it goes against nature for two men to share a woman or that I cannot satisfy a man’s needs. But they don’t know how we are. They don’t know how happy we are. We’re enjoying the happiness we couldn’t have expected in an ordinary relationship.”
Celia put down her teacup and looked at Ellen’s pensive face.
“I don’t know what Ellen is worried about. But if I need two people to be happy, is that such a bad thing? Anyway, we paved the way first. And if anyone points fingers and says it is weird, you can blame us. Ced and Aryll won’t say otherwise.” said Celia in a big laugh.
Ellen smiled awkwardly and avoided Celia’s eyes. After all, it was not a matter of her being in love with two people. Since the Duke was not interested, wasn’t it amazing to be loved by even one man? That alone should please her.
“I suppose your family will come to the Kingdom Foundation Day party? It’s been a while, right?
Celia changed the topic. Ellen unwittingly sighed at that other heavy problem.
“Yes, they said they would come. Father and sister.”
Celia looked at her face quietly.
“You’re not so happy to see them.”
Ellen smiled a bitter smile.
“I’m not a very helpful child to the family.”
“My two cute babies are far from being helpful, waking me up every night to suckle on not only my breast but their nannies’ as well, only to even whine for more, but still, I love these kids.”
Celia smiled at her sons as they crawled around the room. Ellen smiled faintly at the babies. The princes were probably happy. There must be a lot of responsibility, but they have a mother and two fathers who will love them no matter what.
Celia’s hand covered Ellen’s.
“When it comes to loving someone, there is no ‘helpful’ or ‘not helpful.’ I like you either way. Of course, though you do are helpful.”
With tears around her eyes, Ellen blinked hurriedly and just smiled.
***