Chapter 2
***
Hot blood soaked my hands and flew to my cheeks, running down my chin.
I committed a crime.
The eyes that were staring at me.
The lips that had called my name.
The heart that was beating just for me.
I threw them away with my own hands.
“Ah… ah… ah”
His lips, which were moving so often, were now not moving as I wanted them to.
I’m the one who has to die.
Why did he have to die?
Why did I have to kill him?
“You did it.”
The echo in my head was the guilt sent by my soul.
It was all I could do, knowing that ripping out my hair and sobbing would not change anything.
I couldn’t even feel the pain as I scratched the floor and clawed at my flesh.
Stupid Lily.
Pathetic Lily.
Incompetent Lily.
Murderer Lily.
I didn’t even deserve to love him.
The cries of my soul poured out constantly.
Ahhhh…
Oh, Edlade.
I stabbed myself in the heart with the sword that stabbed your heart.
Nothing would come back no matter how I regretted it. I wanted to be with him as soon as possible. Crying was useless. I didn’t care if you called me foolish. It was the only thing I could do.
I thrust the sword into my heart.
The exploding red light made the world red.
Falling to the floor was the sword that stabbed yours and my heart.
The clocks began to turn backwards.
It was soaked in blood so it must have malfunctioned.
The pocket watch you gave me as my first gift fell to the floor, wet with his and my blood.
The pocket watch I saw in my distant consciousness turned backwards, as if it wanted to regain the present moment.
It was as if it presented my mind, and I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
Oh, Edlade.
I love you.
I cursed myself for not answering that heart of yours at least once.
…… I love you…
Only if I were given another chance.
I will give you my all, just one more time. I’ll give you everything I have.
“I love you, Lily.”
If I get a chance like that, I’ll definitely come to you first. I’ll go first. So please.
“………Please love me….just one more time.”
***
“Lady!”
Lasha’s bewildered voice brought me back to my senses. The opportunity I had longed for came again. Surprised, I wiped away the tears that were flowing with the back of my hand.
The memory was so vivid that I forgot myself for a while. It was a cruel memory, but one that was unforgettable.
If today was really that day three years ago, I should remember it even more.
“……… Are you okay?”
Because of my suspicious gesture from the bedroom, Lasha’s question was laced with worry. She seemed very worried about me coming into a strange place after our marriage and spending the night alone.
Come to think of it, I got stood up on our wedding night.
I was really ignored by the servants of the mansion for a while.
It reminded me of a past I had forgotten, but what was in front of me was more important now. Edlade, who was standing in the lobby getting ready to go out, was looking at me .
I spontaneously gulped.
I slowly stepped down the stairs, constantly muttering the words that I didn’t deserve to call, and my eyes were teary.
“Edlade.”
I muttered quietly, and his eyebrows furrowed at my words.
Thanks to the bangs that covered his eyebrows, it was a crease that no one would notice unless they looked closely.
‘I don’t feel well, but that…’
He stared at me and slowly opened his mouth.
“What is this….?”
My body stiffened.
‘What does he mean?’
I froze in a panic.
It was the same with Lasha, who came with me, and with Delias, the butler, who had brought his coat for the master’s outing.
“My lord!”
Someone running down the stairs hurriedly called Edlade.
‘I haven’t even finished my words yet……………………….. …! Ah!’
It was Halbert.
An aide of the Philemon family, and Edlade’s childhood friend.
Edlade looked at me and put his hand on his forehead with a look of bewilderment.
“Well… Explain it to me once. The person in front of me. Who is she?”
He lifted his chin arrogantly, pointed at me, and asked Halbert to explain.
‘I’m right in front of you.’
He said, treating me worse than a stone on the road.
“I’m busy, so keep it short and simple.”
“I told you many times that I can’t keep it short and to the point, so please calm down and listen to my explanation.”
“….explain.”
Edlade turned slowly and folded his arms.
Halbert slowly approached and stood beside me.
He looked at my face and said with a sigh.
“Your Highness, you had a wedding yesterday. It was your own…no, His Majesty’s order.”
“I’m married?”
“Yes, yesterday, very grand.”
“With this woman?”
“…She is the daughter of the Marquis of Rayburn. As of yesterday, she received the surname of Philemon and became the hostess of the family.”
Halbert patted his chest like he was going crazy.
Edlade slowly raised his hand and extended it to me.
The hand that was reaching out as if trying to grip my chin stopped in front of me.
He said, wringing his hand as if he didn’t even want to touch people.
“Get rid of it……”
The emotion in his gaze was “contempt”.
The “I almost touched something dirty” look was so blatant.
As if he had nothing more to say, Edlade walked out of the lobby after being handed his coat.
“I’m sorry ………My Lady ….”
Halbert spoke with an awkward expression.
Lasha and Delias, the head butler, looked around.
What did he mean ‘get rid of it’?
Get rid of what?
Me?
It was a marriage forced by the Emperor’s orders, but he didn’t treat me like this before.
“There’s something a little off about His Highness this morning. He certainly didn’t do so yesterday….”
“I’m fine.”
“Don’t worry too much about it… …….”
“Halbert.”
“Yes.”
I clasped my hands and smiled nonchalantly.
As if to say, “Don’t worry about me.”
“I’m really fine.”
Halbert’s eyes got a little bigger.
I was a dainty Marquis’s daughter, but was treated like a ‘thing’ by my husband, so it would be normal for Halbert to act that way.
However, I was fine.
I wondered if he returned just as I had regressed.
Was that why he despised me so much that he didn’t even want to touch me?
“I don’t know what’s going on… I’m sure that His Excellency was strange….”
“By strange, you mean…what are you talking about?”
“I’ll have to call the doctor to find out more. Oh, Delias, be ready for His Highness’s return.”
“Yes, Mr. Halbert.”
Halbert shook his head with a sigh and bowed to me.
“I’m sorry, My Lady. I’ll greet you properly later.”
“Yes, go ahead.”
Halbert looked at me with a bit of amusement as I waved, and then ran off, muttering the words, “Is this world dying?”
It seemed that he probably followed Edlade out, who had gone ahead of him.
It was a short but raging storm.
The cold air grazed my cheeks.
“Ha…”
As I relaxed, my legs became weak and my body staggered.
“My Lady.”
Lasha supported me with a startled expression.
Delius led the way to the center end of the lobby with a chair.
“Please take a seat for a moment.”
His benevolent impression was still the same.
He was wrinkled and full of gray hair, but neat and stylish. He was not much different from the ‘Delias’ of my memory.
“I was terrified.”
Delias must have heard my small murmur, because he said with a smile on his lips.
“He is not a scary person.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m sorry.”
I glared at him, my eyes glazed over in refreshing affirmation.
“He’s a little …… more difficult than the rest, but he’s kind when he opens up, so don’t worry.”
“Hmm…”
“Do you know him well?”
I replied in a vaguely mumbled tone, to which Delias asked back.
I was surprised and said as I accepted the hot tea that Lasha had brought me.
“No, it felt like it always does, like a ravenous beast twitching its tail in warning of my approach. …….”
“…”
“Umm, what can I say? His eyes are like warm sunshine. I thought he’d be sweet.”
I brought the teacup to my lips, blowing on it to calm my nerves.
Delias and Lasha looked a little surprised.
“Why?” I asked.
“No. Because this is the first time I’ve heard something like that since I’ve been in his service.”
I felt a zing in my chest.
Oh, yes, Edlade was a lonely person.
How could such a kind man not know the bride who married him? He was not the kind of person to talk like that, no matter how cold he was.
But the way he looked at me, he really didn’t know me.
If he had regressed like I did, he would have reacted in a completely different way than that. He would have rushed right over and pointed his sword at my heart, or screamed at me why I did it.
If so, what should I say to him?
If he knew, I was not qualified to be around him.
Even if he didn’t know, I didn’t deserve him.
But I can’t leave.
I have to protect him.
Even if he hates me and despises me, I have to be here.
“Don’t worry. I am the hostess of the Philemon family.”
“…”
“Even if Edlade doesn’t like me, I am still a member of the Philemon family now that we are married.”
***
Halbert felt like his head was going to explode.
He looked at Edlade, the patriarch of the Philemon family, his friend and lord as well as his family, who was looking at his papers all the way to the carriage.
At the persistent gaze, Edlade opened his mouth.
“Isn’t it time for you to say ‘I feel like I’m going crazy’? Halbert?”
“What is it you want to say?”
“What?”
“What?”
“Why did you say that to your wife?”
“Who is my wife?”
“Didn’t you just run into her in the lobby? She’s the Marquis of Rayburn’s daughter!”
“I don’t know that woman.”
“Huh? That’s outrageous.”
“You’re being arrogant, Halbert.”
“You asked His Majesty directly to marry her.”
“I did?”
“You forgot? You asked to pay for a contract that you have never done before.”
“……. Did I?”
“Yes, sir! By you directly! And that too according to a thorough plan that has been in place for several years!”
“…… Why did you do that?”
Edlade frowned as if he really didn’t know.
Many women would look at him with a nosebleed, overflowing with seductive appeal from every mundane action of stroking his hair.
He was also deadly beautiful, even with his furrowed brow impression.
Halbert was even more annoyed at himself for marveling at Edlade’s appearance despite this frustrating whirlwind.
‘God d*mn it, if it weren’t for that look, I’d have punched him a few times.’
Unfortunately, Halbert was also an artist who sought beauty in the world, so he had no choice but to hold his fist.
“What the hell is wrong with you today? You really don’t remember?”
“Remember ……………? My memory is fine, Halbert.”
“Then why can’t you recognize her?”
It was frustrating.
Halbert remembered what Edlade said yesterday, with the most brilliant smile in the world.
“I’m finally getting to see Lily up close.”
Still, he slumped his shoulders with guilt. He felt sorry for forcing her into an unwanted marriage.
Just to be able to see Lily up close and personal, Edlade would go crazy already. But suddenly he woke up with a dazzling smile and said “Get rid of it” to her.
Halbert found it hard to believe the current reality.
“Are you sure?”
“What do you mean?” Halbert asked.
“She’s my wife?”
“That’s right. You had a ceremony as glamorous and grand as the Emperor’s wedding.”
“Why did I do that?”
“…Because that’s what you ordered.”
Edlade wanted a grand and glamorous wedding ceremony and made her the most beautiful bride in the world because he was sorry. That was how he felt then.
Halbert narrowed his eyes and studied Edlade.
It didn’t look like he was lying.
In fact, Edlade seemed more confused than he was.
“Is there a problem with your memory, sir? Why didn’t you go to your wife’s bedroom yesterday?”
“…”
“It was your first night as newlyweds, and you were looking forward to it more than anyone else…”
“Do not lie to me.”
“What?”
Halbert fell silent.
A moment ago it was certainly a lie.