Chapter 12
I hung my head down and cried.
The heavy rain hid my sobbing voice, and my tears flowed with the pouring rain.
I was ready to give my all.
Because I’ve committed such a crime.
It’s okay if you forget me.
I will still love you.
However, the familiar scenery that keeps appearing and his sweet whispers in my head makes me break down over and over again.
The more I remembered it, the more I realized how deep his love was.
So his attitude of not knowing me was even more heartbreaking.
It seemed as if someone was saying that this was the price of the love and happiness he had to endure.
Maybe that’s why he doesn’t remember me.
Because I intervened in our time while regressing.
As the pocket watch that remained in my last memory granted my earnest wish, maybe even Edlade, who was there with me, got caught up in it.
Maybe he forgot me because I intervened in our time. Maybe that’s the reason it’s a big force that can’t be accessed. It was painful.
I was desperate because I didn’t know what to do with my heart that kept falling apart even though I had made up my mind.
This despair, this suffering… all in exchange I am paying for killing him.
He knelt, rested his forehead on the floor, and clutched his heart. He won’t forgive me for stabbing him. So that he can rebuild a wall around his broken heart.
Then can I protect him?
I pounded my forehead on the floor with a thump, but it didn’t hurt.
‘Don’t worry, Ed, I… I’ll pay for the tears you shed.’
Maybe I am paying for it.
“Ahh…… Ahhh… Ahhhhh…”
Sobbing, like groaning in pain, came out over and over again. It’s a fact that my screams and shouts don’t change the fact.
I can’t turn away.
Because this is the price.
‘I have to get used to it.’
I have to get used to the memories I had with him and the current reality.
I have to assemble my broken heart and build a solid wall.
Then, black shoes caught my eye in the rain.
Those were neat black shoes.
My eyes got bigger knowing who the owner of the shoe was, I couldn’t raise my head easily, wondering if I was having a hallucination.
The raindrops falling over my head were gone.
The crackling sound was different from the sound of rain falling on the ground.
My tears flowed again due to the umbrella over me.
This can’t be true.
He can’t be here.
“…..Why… why…….”
Why are you here?
The voice mixed with weeping was trembling enough to be pitiful even thinking about it.
Looking at me on the floor, he sat down with his knees bent so that he could fit.
He got closer and responded to me in a languid voice.
“Because it’s raining.”
Oh, please. I couldn’t hide my overwhelming feelings that flowed in tears. I bit my lips because I shouldn’t cry.
It wasn’t raining on me anymore.
Even though I had an umbrella, it was raining so hard that my heart still flooded.
sniff.
I could hear my sniffles through the awkward silence.
The rain has decreased a little.
It was pouring down as if there was a hole in the sky, but it must have been a rain shower seeing it slowly decrease.
I cried so much that it was hard to keep my eyes open due to the weight of my eyelids.
My forehead was a little sore, but there was no blood. It was a relief.
I was staring blankly at the pouring rain, but the presence of Edlade standing next to me was clear.
“Why aren’t you going…”
Edlade, who is said to have come because of the rain, gave me the umbrella without asking me anything.
He moved slowly when I calmed down and stood up on my trembling legs.
I thought it was difficult to go back after seeing my condition, so I got out of a well-structured path and moved under a large tree.
I never knew there was such a place.
I lived here for three years.
Even though I’ve been down this road countless times.
“… I, um, thank you.”
My grateful greeting in a cracking voice was miserable.
There was no answer, but I could feel the gaze staring down at me, squatting on the floor.
Unsurprisingly, he looked at me like this when he put an umbrella over me with his knees bent.
If there is something he wants to say, he can do it, but he is just looking at me.
Should I speak first about why I was lying on my ground in such a place and crying?
How should I explain this?
“Uh… there, I… So…….”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
It wasn’t an excuse to be lame, but just as I was about to say something, Edlade spoke.
The voice falling over my head was as cool as usual.
“I will forget you tomorrow anyway.”
“……”
“There’s nothing to force.”
I bowed my head.
That’s right. It was weird but he was right.
Why did Edlade really come here If he wouldn’t even hear why I was crying?
I will forget tomorrow too.
Why?
“……It is painful.”
“……”
“It was so hard to bear, I didn’t know what to do, so I broke down.”
He had nothing to say.
He said I didn’t have to say it.
But it won’t matter if I talk to myself.
As he said, he’ll forget it tomorrow anyway.
“I didn’t learn how to get up at times like this.”
“I felt like I was swimming alone in the ocean.”
“I can’t stand this suffering…”
I was cold.
Tears seem to come out again.
I held my breath biting my lower lip.
I am the cause of my suffering, and I am complaining to the concerned person.
It was funny, but it seemed like I could not bear it if I didn’t tell anyone.
I thought that it would be best to tell him who will forget me in the next half a day.
“Why do you have to endure so much?”
“There’s something I have to do.”
“Then what’s the matter?”
“Huh?”
Edlade looked at me without moving.
His unshakable, straight gaze had never been shaken by anything before. He said.
“You just have to think about what you have to do and endure it.”
“……”
“You just have to stand up with that as your belief.”
He says it like it’s natural.
It seemed to be comforting, so I almost cried again.
I also put strength on my jaw and sniffled.
It’s not a big deal, but I’m relieved. He really didn’t mean anything and he said it generally.
“That’s right, belief…”
My belief was to protect him.
I lifted my bowed head and looked at Edlade.
His dark gray hair was dripping wet from the rain.
His long bangs seemed to pierce his eyes soon, so my hands twitched unknowingly.
“I’m sorry. Because of me…” I felt sorry for taking his umbrella.
He was sheltering from the rain under the tree, but it didn’t mean the rain didn’t stop.
Even when I was crying on the ground, he put an umbrella over me.
The wet look was so fatal that I didn’t know where to put my eyes, but I was worried that he might catch a cold.
“If you catch a cold… Ha, I’m really sorry.”
It’s just cold.
He murmured, clattering his lips.
I was sorry and grateful for receiving the umbrella from him. I was also embarrassed so I couldn’t speak properly.
“Why are you talking like a dying sparrow?”
“…I’m sorry.”
“Again?”
“Yes, again.”
Edlade slowly ruffled his wet hair.
His forehead was clearly visible in his perfectly flowing hair, probably because it was wet.
He would wear a suit with his head up at big banquets, and I didn’t expect to see him this way.
‘Oh, I liked that look.’
I don’t often see him in such an informal way, so I used to clap my hands at him. Every time I did that, he would slowly avert his eyes and look embarrassed.
Throbbing
My heart complained of pain while reminiscing about memories, but now I’m fine.
Because I was comforted like salvation by his words that were not like consolation.
“It looks like seaweed dissolved in water.”
“…hahaha.”
Unlike his straight, wavy hair, my hair was wet and curly more than usual. I thought that the wavy black hair that came down to my waist might look bizarre.
As he did, I slowly swept my hair to one side.
I couldn’t have gotten calmer.
I was also pleased to hear again what I had once heard.
I think the person I know is right.
“Anyway… Seaweed in water is a bit harsh.”
When I grumbled with pouty lips, I heard a quick laugh.
I looked at him in amazement and he was smiling.
He smiled, even if it was subtle, the corners of his lips were very slightly raised.
Then I got used to the act of gently covering my mouth with my hand as if I wasn’t smiling, so I thought | laughed out loud.
Staring at him like a fool with puffy eyes.
“…Really.”
He glanced down at me, took off his coat, and threw it at me.
He could give it to me nicely, Why would he throw a coat at my smiling face?
“I have no awareness.” A very small mumble and then his gaze fell from me. It was thanks to Edlade leaning against the tree and turning his head.
It wasn’t a thick coat, but it was probably given to me by seeing my trembling body.
Oh, it smells like Ed.
Sniffing, I sensed the smell without realizing it and flinched.
I rolled my eyes at the thought that he probably didn’t see it, but fortunately, he doesn’t seem to have seen it.
Let’s be careful…
The smell of nostalgia seemed to shed my tears again, but I carefully put his coat over my shoulders and hugged my knees.