Chapter 27 Part 1 – This is the story of Mary, before she became my wet nurse. The lullaby of migrant birds. The tears of Mary, and her son that would never see the spring.
There was a lullaby in Krocassis about entrusting the love of a mourning family to migrating birds.
Mary hated it, because the sad story of it concerned the spirits of the loved being carried to heaven on the wings of migratory birds. Since she never wanted her beloved father or mother to leave her, she would block her ears and avoid hearing the song whenever it was sung. It was a pain to her mother, as she sung it while lying beside her.
But she sings it now when she puts her son to sleep.
「Joshua…aren’t you ready to sleep? Ow! I said that hurts! Your mother’s hair isn’t a toy!」
「Ahh ouaah, Mama mama.」
It wasn’t effective, since Joshua was still pulling his mother’s hair.
Mary grimaced trying to smile.
She didn’t have much talent for lullabies.
Whenever she sings them, he laughs and gets all energetic.
「If that’s what you want, then I’ll tickle you! Come on, you bad boy! You need to sleep!」
And so Mary tickled him all over.
Joshua screamed happily as he twisted all over.
And it wasn’t that she minded playing with him a little longer…
But even so, her drowsy son Joshua soon fell into a happy sleep. Mary had watched him giggle and roll too and fro, but now silently took care not to wake him, quietly standing up and going to fetch water from the well in the backyard.
Winters in Krocassis were harsh. They had been locked inside by the snow for a long time, unable to go outdoors. It was a world of white snow and ice, grey clouds, and wind. Mary and Joshua had snuggled through the cold the best they could.
The thaw had arrived, and sprouts were beginning to make their way through the remaining snow. She was excited to think that she could show Joshua the new world.
Her mother and father had passed away early, but the lessons she had learned still supported her in this time.
Lullabies was one…though, they may not be very useful.
Her husband, a childhood friend, also gave her much.
When she was little, she always followed him. She was often teased by her mother for her being like a little sister to him. He was a caring person, always talking to Mary whenever they were together. He watched over her. He supported her when she was in despair from losing her parents.
That gratitude finally turned into a love.
She couldn’t confess her feelings to him many times, never having the courage to say anything, and that made her terribly depressed. She still remembered the excitement when he started to court her. For the first time, she knew that they had been thinking about each other. He fell in love with her quickly as if to make up for those days of her anxiety, they married, and eventually had a son.
He was delighted by her pregnancy and went to work a dangerous job to earn a bit more for their family…and died in an accident.
He was no young hero of the town. He would stand away and smile as others loudly partied and danced during town festivals. He was, however, kinder and more caring than others. He knew when Mary hid her colds, woke up before her, and prepared breakfast without her realizing it. He chided her about hiding her cold, took off his clothes, and tried to warm her.
She always recalled that with smiles and tears.
The kindness and memories he gave her were at once nostalgic and poignant. When he died, there was sadness, but the memories of him still remained – supporting her.
She also wanted to give her son such memories. The sky, the flowers, the babbling of the river, the swaying of golden ears of wheat. All of it, the love she wanted to share with Joshua.
Since there was no father, she wasn’t wealthy, but she could still give that.
「I’ll do my best with Joshua…don’t worry.」
She looked up at the sky and said the name of her late husband.
He wouldn’t leave for heaven if she didn’t constantly remind him that she’d be okay.
He had only thought of them, after all.
He had broken bones and was peppered with wounds, but said nothing about his pain.
「I can’t protect you anymore. I’m sorry I broke my promise. Sorry…」He just kept repeating it.
He was born a man, so he wanted to keep that smile of his favorite girl by his side for the rest of his life, and that was why he proposed to Mary. The proposal was very brave for a man like him – it didn’t suit him. To be honest though, he never broke a promise before.
That’s why him leaving so early seemed like fraud to her.
She wanted him to live longer, even if he broke that promise.
If she went to heaven someday, she’d hold him but wouldn’t forgive him.
Mary said in her heart, as a sad complaint.
She remembered his death and started crying again.
He apologized to her over and over and thanked her for the days she spent with him. He told her to forget about him, marry someone again quickly. He said that he and her parents would be watching over her in her new life in a whisper.
He must have wanted to tell her more, but her silent husband, holding her hand, breathed in painfully and did not stop talking until he died. He had some regret…there were tears on his face as he died.
And so killing this loneliness she had inside, she raised her head.
Don’t worry. I’m not alone.
I have Joshua. You live in Joshua.
I took so much from you. I did. I was happy to live with you.
No more tears. No more apologies.
I’m not lonely, you laugh in my memories.
That smile, those memories, whenever I’m discouraged, they push me along.
I’ll do my best with Joshua.
「And I’m still a young woman, after all!」
She shouted in a funny way.
「Come on! I can take today on as well!」
So she rolled up her sleeves, pulled up her pail of water, and went home. She would have to bathe him so he’d have no diaper rash. Even so, all you’d have to do is soak him in a bit of water and he’d be okay, but rinsing everything was important for a baby. That was the most she could do for him. She really wanted to soak in hot water, but couldn’t afford to soak in hot water and use all the firewood…even though she never had visitors.
Spring was coming…it no longer was that cold.
She wanted to be outside in the sun again as soon as she could.
So she stood up and hummed a song…come spring, come early…thinking about the next day.
Then she saw a shadow appear in a doorway.
Almost as if darkness was flowing out from it.
She wondered if her heart would stop at the ghastly darkness.
She never kept one herself, but the shadows loomed out from a horse stable door…a door so wide that only livestock can pass through. But this one was cramped in the doorway…there were no bears here, so there was nothing larger than cows or horses. She wondered if a large bull had lost its way…
But then she looked up and saw Joshua in it’s gaping, fanged maw. The demon dog was holding her son. He was limp. His red cheeks had lost all of their blood.
The pail rolled to the ground with the sound of spreading water fading from her hearing.
「Joshua?!」
Her son had been laughing happily a few moments ago, but now wasn’t moving.
The sudden nightmare shook in front of her. It was like an icicle had struck her chest and she lost all thought.
「Joshua!」
She tried to reach out and jump to her child.
「Don’t disturb my cute child’s meal. Naive girl.」
This old crooked man stepped forward and hit her with a cane in the head.
She was startled.