"Is that longing I hear in your voice?" I asked, a bit surprised, but mostly teasing. He gave me a lopsided grin as he walked over to the bathroom and flung the door open. He peeked inside, and then went on to thoroughly inspect the room. I plopped down on the side of the bed and waited patiently for him.
"I fear that when we kill the last one, I will have to leave," he confessed. I could feel the breath rushing out of me, and I stared in astonishment as uncertainty stained his features. "I don't want to leave, Mia," he whispered, his voice pleading.
"You don't need to leave," I told him. I wondered for a long time what he had seen in my eyes that day when he stared at me so intensely.
"You haven't unpacked your things…" he stated, ever the observant Boss.
"No."
"You're going somewhere else," he said simply as if it didn't hurt me.
"Yes."
"Where?"
"I can't tell you," I insisted. Wasn't that the whole point? No one finding out where I went?
But I wanted him to know. Hell, I wanted him to come with me. Maybe we could go to some exotic island where we could hide the rest of our lives, but how would that be possible, we would suffocate each other, we wouldn't be able to handle the poison that runs through us.
"Don't leave," he pleaded. I shook my head, almost frantically as I shoved the idea out of my head instantly. "Why are you leaving?"
"Because I can't live like this any longer. I want to do something with my life, something that I would have done if my mother wasn't dead, if my father wasn't an asshole, and I never met you." He flinched at that. "I am twenty-five and I feel like I have lived for too long. I just can't do this any longer."
"That is understandable," he said stiffly. "But what about me? I know you never wanted to meet me, and I've been pretending that you have forgiven me since we saw each other, but it's not true. What do I do in this situation? Where do I stand?" Let me be selfish for the last time, please.
"I don't know." The truth: that was all I could offer.
"Then give me a solution to this!" he burst out.
"Run away with me," I spoke up, knowing what was coming next. His eyes widened, his lips parted as he stared at me with disbelieving eyes. "Leave behind your money, your identity, and your business and run away with me." There was no change in his expression. "We will live a small, content life and no one will find us where we will go. We will be happy and together…" I trailed off, seeing the turbulence in his posture.
"Mia…" he whispered. A small, sad smile played across my lips as I waited for his rejection. "I can't-"
"I know, Anthony. And that is why I won't ask you to." Pained and guilty, he faced me, dropped down to his knees and hugged me by the waist. His head rested against my lap and he breathed against my leg. I let one hand glide through his head, fingers lacing through his hair, pressing against his scalp to relieve his tension—just the way he liked it.
"But I want you… there has to be another way," he groaned. "This can't be the end. We have made so many mistakes, and… I can't not spend my life with you."
"You managed these last couple of years," I teased him.
"Barely. Despite everything I did, I loved you like no other."
"Past tense?"
"Still do," he corrected quickly, his breath coming in pants and he pressed his head further into my lap.
"I love you, too." I sucked in a breath and waited for the chaos to begin. Nothing happened. I felt the subtle tightening of his arms around my waist and the feel of his lips brushing against my knees. My eyes snapped open and I shivered as I felt him mumble a "thank you" against my skin.
"I still want to kill you sometimes," I confessed, a shaky laugh following soon after. "I hate you, too… for what you did."
"And you are right to. Some days I hate myself more than you do me, others I just wish that you would follow through and put a bullet through my head. I'm not sure which side is going to win out in the end."
"Why do you feel that way?" I asked. I had never thought that he would have such a strong reaction to the comment. I wanted to find out why.
"I really had no choice at the time than to pretend to have betrayed you. It was Cain one moment, and then you were screaming because I had to kill him to save you… then Darcy's men were barging in and trying to take you… the only way I could ensure that you would come out of it alive was if I could play along and somehow get the forces to reach the location on time. When you woke up, I really thought that you would know that I was lying through my teeth, but soon enough, you too thought the worst of me." He gasped for words. "I've been in the business for some time. I suppose it makes me someone that cannot be trusted."
"I never thought you could feel so guilty. The last time you tried to explain, you sounded so self-righteous that I wanted to strangle you." He chuckled. I joined in.
"Will we ever meet?" he broke the silence.
"Maybe, someday, when I am ready…"