A 17-YEAR OLD GIRL
Raw provider: Lissie
Translator: Rhyme_Bean
Editor: Reki and Aurum
The beginnings were always the same.
A grayish sky, splattering drizzle, and a barren mud garden. The creepy atmosphere and dirty pajamas. The wound on the neck burned as it mixed in with the rain. If she didn’t return to the mansion, the gardener would soon discover her. She nudged the rope spread out near the legs and headed towards the passageway used by the maids. Once again, it ended in failure. Once again. She gnashed her teeth. What went wrong this time?
Unlike the damp corridor, the interior of the room was warm. The flame that danced in the fireplace and the thick fur wrapped around her kept out the cold. She took off the dirty clothes and threw them into the fireplace. However, due to the dampness of the clothes, the flames subsided.
She cursed out loud and opened the oil lamp near the bed. As she poured out the oil into the fireplace, the flames once again flared up. She stared at the naked woman reflected in the mirror. Once again, it had failed.
She straddled upon a wooden stool. Paper and ink were placed on the table. She stared for a while, then grabbed the pen. After she poured in the ink, she started to write on the paper.
The pen stopped. What was the point? It held no meaning to write the name. She felt despondent. This time, every single time! She had thought like that for 10 years. Afterward, she tried to adapt to it for thirty. And for the next 20 years, she only thought about how her life would end up. Then, she spent 5 years in bed almost lifelessly. And… and…
Karen Haier.
She had transmigrated into a book.
And for 117 years, she was trapped in there.
* * *
The book was merely a romance novel. Karen, the only daughter of So Young Joo, was expected to marry her relative Dulan Llyord, in order to maintain the fief. Karen, a girl who dreamt of pure and genuine love, broke off the engagement like any other female protagonist.
She couldn’t bring herself to love that stinky, skinny man with mean eyes. Because of her actions, her family collapsed, and Karen began to work as a lady-in-waiting for an aristocrat’s daughter. But, as all plots go, she hopelessly fell in love with her lady’s fiance, Raymond, and married him after going through all sorts of hardship. The novel was a year-long story, so Karen followed the exact same methods written in it and succeeded in marrying Raymond. A Happy Ending. Happy Ending.
And after the last chapter ended, her murder was described on the very next page. She was poisoned. She lost consciousness from the pain in her throat. When she woke up, it was daybreak, and she was once again in the garden. She trembled with fear.
After that, with the utmost care, she once again fell in love with Raymond. He held the scared Karen in his arms and fell asleep. And when she opened her eyes, she found herself in the same garden. This time, she couldn’t even find out the reason for her death.
The third time, she kept away from Raymond. Karen watched his wedding ceremony with another woman and applauded as a guest. This time, it was horrible. Her whole body was mutilated. The same thing happened after that. Though the reason varied all the time, it always ended the same. Her death.
Wishing for a possibility of survival, a few years ago, she went with her original engagement. She proceeded with the engagement and the wedding ceremony with Dulan safely. Yet, she was once again in the garden when she woke up. Whether she had gone back after her death or returned to the same place after a year, she couldn’t comprehend.
Only after the passage of a good deal of time, was she able to understand some of the laws.
Thanks to the third law, she started to believe that she was not dreaming. In a flat gold coin, the number 116 was written. She changed the last digit to 7 and looked up at the ceiling. Now she couldn’t even remember her original appearance.
She had lived as Karen for more than 100 years. As her mental age became more than twice her physical age, she abandoned her expectation of ever getting out of the book.
“It would have been better, if I had died.”
“Please don’t say such words, Miss. I don’t even want to think about a world without Miss.”
The dark-skinned maid, Nancy, answered as she combed Karen’s hair. She thought about the world where the most prominent madame had black skin. Was it 100 years ago? Her memories flickered as they were hazy. It was ridiculous to even term them as memories at this point.
Whenever she called out for that maid who was closest to her, Karen perceived that she did not belong to this world. When she first saw the maid lower her head, she shuddered with rejection.
In this world, if the maid didn’t bow her head and walked out with her back facing the master, she would have to be punished. The dark people were treated harshly, be it young or old. During the 117 years of her life, Karen had witnessed this. However, time would change the values of people.
“Doesn’t Young Miss like Sir Dulan that much?”
What was there to like? Every single person, to her, was akin to the ink on the paper. Their lives were meaningless, even ephemeral. Yet, not as harmless as the ink. One would die if they drank it. They were like poisonous ink. Some were just for a moment’s pleasure. However, the fun did not even last a page.
She giggled inside. Just like his looks, she didn’t like Dulan in bed. It was a few years back when she had slept with him. He was a clumsy and ugly stutterer without any youthful spirit.
“He looks ugly.”
“…Oh, my.”
“I was thinking about swapping him with your lover.”
“…Where did Miss learn to say these things? Which maids taught Miss all these things?”
“Don’t be so stiff. It’s just the joke of a 17 year old girl who doesn’t even know a man.”
“Why is Miss saying this to me, who looked after you from infancy? I didn’t raise Miss like this… Anyway after 10 years of marriage, there won’t be anything to do other than this.”
That’s not correct.
“Will Dulan be able to last for 10 years?”
“How about a year? Then you’ll have more time. Get up fast and squeeze your waist. With a slender waist, who knows, maybe there would be a chance to get a better man than Sir Dulan.”
“…Hugh!”
If not for this damn corset, I would have been able to enjoy it much more. This whalebone corset that makes me swear out loud, I really want to chew this thing. I can’t breathe. I hate this.
“Nancy, I live in the era of those voluptuous women.”
“Then Miss will be the thinnest among all. For such a petite child, what does it matter.”
No, Nancy. Truthfully, I am a glutton.
Greasy meat, sweet snacks, all kinds of foods that melt in the mouth. But the food in this world doesn’t suit my tongue. There are lots of granules in the bread and the meat is too squishy. As salt was too expensive, before marrying Raymond, I could only eat food with salt once a week.
This is also one of the biggest reasons I liked Raymond – he let me eat tasty food. He was also a man who knew that good food and good sex are associated with each other. She whispered words that shouldn’t be said out aloud.
“Today, too, is Miss not planning to go to the church?”
“I would have to bear with this praying thing 5 times a day after I get married. As I am not now, why should I do it?”
Dulan was a newly appointed official, and it seemed like he would be given the diocese of this region along with the fief of the Haier Family. As she thought about him, who would always recite the name of God from the very first day of marriage, she wanted to vomit.
“It looks great. I have watched Miss since you were a child, and today Miss looks a little different. Everyone’s anxious before their marriage, but it really is okay.
I am not okay, Nancy.
I have never been okay even once in these 117 years.
It was just the 17th birthday of a woman who had lived far away from the capital. It was not something to celebrate. It was even more so, in Karen’s case as her marriage was almost fixed. The transportation facility of the fief was terrible. It would take a day by horse carriage, even to the nearest Lord’s fief, so the hall was especially quiet.
The relatives only communicated through letters, and even that act was perfunctory. The servants loitered around the hall and the musicians who were brought in as an obligation played off-beat songs with an I want to end this soon and just get the money faces – rather unenthusiastically.
Even in such a situation, Karen was in the limelight. Not because she was the most important person at the Ball, rather, it was because of her beauty. The red hair trimmed by the skillful hands of Nancy, draped over her shoulder in a natural wave.
The tight corset highlighted her slender waist and her breasts contrasted it. Though it was the body of a 17-year-old girl, it was breathtakingly charming. Even those who conversed without any interest to kill time, when they met with Karen, would become full of vitality and brim with words.
Even though Karen went to them one by one, she was aware of this. As she could be considered as a ‘soon to be married woman’, they didn’t dare approach her openly, and among most of them, if Karen was to say ‘I don’t want to marry’ they would rush towards her with tears of excitement and joy. About 7 years, she spent her time rolling with men. But she got tired of it sooner than she had expected. Many smelled bad and some didn’t properly take care of their pubic hair, it was rather disgusting.
How should she spend her time this life? It was okay to get married to Raymond and spend her time taking care of the people in the Fief, read all the books she could find, and avoid the food that tasted terrible.
“Ka-Karen Haier. Even if your hus…band came, would you still keep such a stoic face?”
“It’s not yet.”
“.….Engage..ment”
“Whatever, it’s not yet.”
Dulan, Karen’s fiance.
Dulan came with a black robe to attend the birthday party of his nominal fiance. It was a strange situation. Though she had already got used to it, as she heard all the murmurs from the surroundings, when she saw his dress and appearance, Karen frowned as she felt displeased. What she truly disliked were those whispers and the people who stared at her without any tact.
It was embarrassing. Dulan reached the hall just some time ago, but he hadn’t worn any proper clothing and the clothes he wore didn’t match with the occasion. Some mud stains were remaining on the hem of his trousers. He smelled of bitter and medicine and reeked of wine, it was rather fishy and foul to the nose.
There was no liveliness in those big eyes, and the blackness under his eyes raced to reach his cheeks. Children cried at the sight of him and some maids were also very shocked. And those eyes were once again stuck at Karen. Of course, for Karen who had gotten used to it for hundreds of years, it wasn’t surprising.
“What I was…. Thinking.”
“I am already aware of it.”
Though he was as tall as a pole, his skinny body did not have any money and he was terrible with sexual techniques. Karen hated him to the core. However, she hated herself to have such a degree of hatred towards him. She felt ridiculous to feel anger at the words directed towards a man described on paper.
If he were a charming man, within this novel, there would have never arisen any conflict.
Such a thought was ridiculous. What on earth is this man? Even if she married this man, it was useless. When her married life with Dulan ended and she went back to the beginning once again, her anger reached its zenith. Everything was meaningless. She tried to be compassionate to others and also tried to live as a nun to keep her distance from everyone.
“There is no reason to live.”
“Then marry.”
“All girls who are about to get married will be frustrated with similar concerns, but for most , those concerns will disappear after marriage. Those thoughts that I am a princess in a storybook will cease to exist and so will the Young Miss of Haier?”
“.…I feel the same way..”
“Everything is as it is, so what is the reason?” Karen replied as complaints streamed inside her. Even if he stuttered several times, those words were for me. That ‘you will have to marry me, so there’s no use dreaming’.
“It’s not like that.”
If the complaints were only this much, it would have been better.
I just want to grow old. If not that, I just want to die. No…. I just hate it here. She was fed up with this place. The same conversations, the same events that repeated for 100 years even this goddamn stutter.
As she suppressed a shriek, Karen gently pouted her lips and perfectly mimicked a 17-year-old girl. The 25-year-old Dulan was somewhat awed by her beauty and stopped his sarcastic remarks. He believed that Karen was immature and it was only right for her to act like this.
In all of her lives, no one treated Karen as a 117-year-old person so she didn’t find the need to act like one.
Karen, a beautiful young miss with red hair and violet eyes – an impressive eternal girl.
The music commenced.
With a sullen face, Karen took his hands. An easy start. Dulan had always been clumsy at dancing. Karen didn’t want to trip over, so she skillfully held onto him and took the lead.
Though she was not sure of the exact number, it was roughly the 69th time she danced with Dulan. She held onto his waist and turned around.
This time, who would be her killer?
For the present Karen, her death was of great interest to her, and it became an exciting event. Right now, to some extent, Karen directed her own death. As the death cycle continued, her memories became a mess and the people also became hazy for her. From trivial doubts like, ‘did I have such a conversation with that person’ to the doubts of being murdered with piled-up grudges.
However she lived, she would end up dead and would have to restart all over again. But what she abhorred the most were those same conversations. Karen wished for new responses as much as possible. In these hills where there were no riots or battles, politics was the most stimulating thing.
I am okay with anything, just amuse me. This time, what should I do? It was her 17th as well as her 117th birthday.
She had to wait for a month if she wanted to meet Raymond – in the novel, this was just a few pages. She was fed up with this world of no importance and no action. It was ridiculous, as the most important character, Dulan, was too unattractive and Karen who was to marry him was way too beautiful and this was just to ascertain that she was a witty and a rare woman. There, it ends.
“I won’t ask you to l-love me, Karen Haier. We… are relatives… b-but if we don’t marry, the fief would be returned…to the c-country.. we must get ma-married to prevent…”
“You and me both are very much aware of this matter. You don’t need to especially explain this to me.”
“.….T-then smile at least. Because every….one in this… mansion is jeering at me.”
Pain surged in her wrist as the idiot before her held on too strongly. It seemed like her wrist was bruised. Karen hated pain – even if she had experienced it many times, she hated it. She wished she could put off her death. As she tried to push back the annoyance that rushed in her, Karen put her other hand on Dulan’s chest.
“It’s not like that Dulan.”
“I c-can’t tolerate it t-treating me as a fool.”
He snarled, but Karen felt it was funny. Such a cute word ‘Fool’ didn’t fit him. His pride was high but he had low self-esteem. She had seen this appearance many times. The narrow-mindedness of this young man never changed even after he married Karen. This was his nature as he was written like this.
Maybe it was because Karen was not the mate in the story he saw. Or maybe he would only mature after a few years of marriage and raise a child and that child became a father himself. Maybe he would after such a long time, but, who knows. However, the Dulan Karen knew was a young man tormented by an inferiority complex. She never witnessed the passage of time, so it was meaningless to her. In Karen’s time frame, everything remained the same.
She reminisced about that time when she thought that a perfect marriage with Dulan Llyord, who was left alone after the engagement, who was broken must be the key to change everything. It seemed that Karen was also immature at that time. Or was she not? She was not even sure how long it had been since. Her mind which lived as a young child for 100 years was like a randomly placed book on a bookshelf.
Even if Karen whispered words of love to him, he will be doubtful. Unlike Raymond, who took the first step towards her, and promised her love without a want for anything in return and unconditionally devoted himself to her. Dulan was the polar opposite of Raymond.
How was it back then? Karen pondered about how to live this life. The book that she only read half was ordered from Raymond’s mansion. Right now it wasn’t even published. Shall I finish that book? But the meeting with Raymond was still in the distant future.
Right now it was the crucial moment to properly break away from Dulan. Karen knew at least 30 methods to trick Dulan and thoroughly disgrace him. If all of these passed without her doing anything, then it would end up in their marriage. But she already tried it a few times, so it’s not interesting anymore.
What method have I never tried?
As it was not the time of any incidents, Karen mostly spent it leisurely. The season was yet to turn good, so it was not appropriate to roam in the garden. When no one approached her and nothing interesting transpired, she was left alone with some maids and an ugly fiance.
In the beginning, she was always filled with despondence. This time, from 17 years of age, she had turned into a 100-year-old person. A monumental time that only she was aware of. Whatever it was, she wanted to do something different – something unique this time.
“Tonight, come to my room.”
Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t played with Dulan today. This was just a pass time. After a long journey, he was exhausted and worn out. Hence, he was quite down. Not to mention, he had turned even uglier than he was in the past when he made a disappointed face. As she looked at him, Karen wondered, Why not use him to relieve my boredom?
Dulan frowned when he heard Karen’s words. Would he get angry or curse at her saying she was a lewd woman? But contrary to what she had expected, Dulan said, “.…Want to call a pack of dogs and lock the door?”
“Oh, my.”
“Damn, didn’t you do the same thing to me on the 10th birthday?”
There was such a setting? With that little piece of fresh news, her mood turned better. She had never known that the original Karen had such a side to her. Very good. Even though the news only caused a trifling moment of pleasure, Karen laughed with delight as she learned something new.
“Then let’s leave right away after the current dance.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, we are just gonna have the wedding a little earlier.”
“.… I really c-can’t understand.”
She pinched his chest through his clothes. A slight groan was heard. Though there was no love, wasn’t there even a little sexual desire? She knew him well.
“Do you hate a wife like this?” Not at all. With a laugh, she covered his lower half with the hem of her luxurious dress.
Why did he feel uncomfortable at this act? While he shuddered in fear, his body was covered and he felt a bit relieved. The sensation of something scratching his heart felt pretty good and he felt a kind of misconception that the warmth that touched his body gave him comfort. This feeling was fleeting, yet he felt that the most intense part of his life was not at all gloomy anymore.
However, it also felt like a doctor had relieved his death. A feeling that went all the way up and pushed the sky only to be stuck at the end of the lands. Though many men moved their bodies in meaningless motion as if to shake a tree branch, Dulan’s dance skills were not extensively bad.
Unlike the gorgeously beautiful Karen, Dulan was skinny and pale with an aquiline nose – even his persona was dreary. But he did have a natural talent to get hard with just a small word from Karen. When he looked down at other people with contempt, Dulan was the one who often got ridiculed and became a laughing stock of others. As he didn’t have any talent in the management of the fief, he had to mostly rely on Karen’s father. Because of his bent posture and his bowed head, everyone thought lowly of him.
As one played with broken time for a long time, you would be able to accord the charm of others. The reason she felt that even Dulan was cute was because of the considerable passage of time. Those days, almost all looked just the same. Now being much older than Dulan, she noticed his gloom, shadiness, his nature, and the environment he grew up in, which had made him like this. So now, in her own way, he seemed cute.
*
“…Pa…inful?”
There was no apprehension in him when he asked it, rather he seemed to enjoy himself. After he saw bloodstains on Karen, Dulan’s erection became noticeably intense. Such a reaction made Karen hard to suppress her snort.
It must have been hard. Men, even if they were depressed with the fact that they were not appealing, hated to admit it to women. Most men were like that, therefore they were even more obsessive with the virginity of women – they didn’t want others to find out their ineptitude.
Karen became curious whether her wedded husband was compassionate. Karen was well aware that even if he did his studies in a monastery, there was no guarantee of the amount of compassion that he held in him. And all the more, Dulan was a model priest. Unlike Raymond.
Did he also compare himself to others? Karen reflected on the time when she first had sex. It was quite a long time ago. Was it Raymond? Her imagination and her memory were broken by a noise. The sound of maids who moved around from the outside was heard. They looked for her. The party was yet to be over.
Karen was curious to know what would happen if she was found in her current state. Even if they were confirmed to be engaged, most won’t care about Dulan. What if the state of the room was revealed? She also wanted to see the maid who adored her struck in astonishment. At this time, she counted the number of people who had affection for her with her fingers. She also wanted to see him perplexed as well.
Whether it’s he who fondled her waist or his clumsy caresses, Karen hated most of it. But to her surprise, she found that his groans and the feeling of being held tightly in his arms weren’t so bad. Because of this pleasant discovery, she came out of the posture and lost her senses. The pleasure on the bed was not just from the friction of lower bodies. When she understood the purpose of his embrace, Karen was taken back.
Was she angry? It did not matter, though. The whole thing stimulated her. It had also never to her before in the long passage of time – to play with Dulan on the first day itself. They had gone to bed straight after their marriage.
When she thought back, he had been quite a pervert then. Later she must try some wax drip play. When he saw Karen in silent contemplation, Dulan thought that she was shocked in surprise.
So he tried to justify himself with a stutter. “Yo-you are the one who dragged me in.”
Why don’t you just say that I raped you? The party isn’t over yet. I need to take a bath again.
The lust that was aroused from the cranial desire died down as soon as it was relieved. Karen, who looked at the seemingly anxious Dulan, frowned when she sniffed the smell from him. This guy doesn’t even wash his hair even after getting soaked in rain.
As if he lost his strength, he was pushed away by Karen. “Go and take a bath, you stink.”
“…Oh? Ve-very much?”
“.…..”
What should I do this time? As she lay on her back again, she looked over in a daze. As she had given away all her riches to the residents, she had lived only by reading books.
Raymond’s mansion was mentioned almost towards the end of the novel, so she could only stay there for a short period of time. The time she spent leisurely on the comfortable bed over there, over hundreds of years if calculated according to days, was not much.
In this era, there were not many places where a woman could go and Karen was bored to death to stay in one place. Karen thought about a long trip as she coaxed Isela, but that thought was also dropped. She wanted a trip with just two girls. However, she would have to take at least five maids with her.
She looked at the figure of Dulan who came out with an expression of contemplation of something and said: “Escort me properly.”
Because I need to dance for 3 more songs. Also, according to the plot, he would trip on a maid’s leg and fall down, and splashed wine on her head in a fit of rage, thereby getting laughed at by others present. And she would get shocked by his violent temper.
“.….En.”
“And take sturdy steps.”
“.…….”
Whether he exerted proper strength on his legs or not, what was to happen did happen. As she clicked her tongue, Karen helped Dulan. Though he did trip on the maid’s leg, he managed to not pour wine on her.
* * *