The Reason Why We Shouldn't Get Married - Chapter 20
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“We don’t intend to deceive him. If we did, Prince Jaymus would inevitably wonder why we created so many lies just to trick him. He’ll ask what kind of message we’re trying to send. But we don’t have to deceive him to any great extent considering Prince Jaymus is already in a situation where he would need to be wary of Branneux.”
As she spoke, Diana was so animated that Guinness was happy seeing her so lively after such a long time.
Iandrus was the same, seeing this for the first time. It was a sight he’d never imagined before. Right now Diana was shining brighter than she ever did before.
She was beautiful enough to completely captivate him.
“Okay, Diana. Guinness. Let’s try it. I’ll send a letter to him myself.”
Diana and Guinness looked at each other, but then Diana turned her head, making eye contact with Iandrus.
Iandrus forced out a strong smile. If Cullen could see him now, he probably would’ve made some kind of comment about how he looked as though he were a dressed up corpse. Diana looked at him with widened eyes.
“Iandrus……Are you uncomfortable with me?”
Iandrus’ face turned pale. It was good that his interactions with Diana were more comfortable than they were before, but now he was being presented with a different problem. He wasn’t sure how he should interact with her or how he should treat her. He wasn’t sure how he should act to look attractive in her eyes.
Iandrus rubbed his face.
But this wasn’t the expression he should be making.
“…….Would you like to have dinner together?”
So Iandrus decided to ask her on an outing so they could talk. He’d never asked her something like this before, so the question came off very awkward.
But Diana shook her head, looking as though she’d never known joy in her life. Iandrus breathed in deeply. Despite the rejection, he would be disappointed in himself if he gave up here. He glanced at Guinness, who seemed to be sending small cheers his way.
Again, Iandrus asked, “…..Then why don’t we go to the church together?”
Diana’s eyes trembled.
Immediately, she thought of Scintilla. Even when their relationship was uncomfortable, Scintilla would always smile when Iandrus held her in his arms. Though young, that child might have felt the strain in the air. Maybe she thought if she smiled brightly enough, she could break the discomfort between Iandrus and Diana.
But she was inevitably turned into a victim, crumbling under the might of the guillotine at such a young age, but that good girl……..
‘Mother. I don’t hate father.’
She was filled with love. Scintilla filled the gaps that Diana and Iandrus could not. She was such an accepting child, so she may welcome a visit from Iandrus, who was different now from how he was back then. Pushing past her own stubbornness, Diana tightly closed her eyes.
Iandrus smiled, letting out a sigh. He was glad he wasn’t rejected the second time, but he was already thinking how he could ask her out for a third time.
Guinness stood up from his seat, saying, “Have a nice outing, you two. I have a letter I need to write as well.”
And then he left the room.
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“What was the child’s name?”
The question was so awkward, Diana responded with just as much awkwardness.
“Scintilla. It means ‘flame’.”
“Who named her?”
Diana smiled bitterly. “We did. We decided on that name together.”
It was a day when she thought even misfortune could not reach them. The birth of their child gave them so much joy, they were both so excited. Though everything fell apart in the end, Diana was able to remember their happy days now, too.
Diana glanced back at Iandrus. He was sitting next to her with his hands clasped together with tears in his eyes. He continued to pray with such a serious expression, she wondered what was going on in his thoughts.
Diana’s lips tensed.
Scintilla. My darling flame, my sweet baby. The father you loved so much has come to see you.
That was a title that didn’t fit a fifteen year old, though.
Right now, at this moment, it felt as though Scintilla was jumping around them, trying to get their attention. Thinking about it made Diana unconsciously let out a heavy sigh. Noticing that, Iandrus opened his mouth.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I grew up to be such a stupid adult, Scintilla,” Iandrus whispered. His voice came as a comfort to Diana. Was it really possible for him to change? “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”
He was quiet and sensitive like an ordinary person…….Nowhere near the mess of a man Diana remembered.
She clenched her hands, her fingers trembling.
Meanwhile, Iandrus was imagining something that was entirely unknown to him. If she was their child, then Scintilla must’ve looked like both of them. Her name meant ‘flame’ so maybe she had red hair like Diana’s mother? Did her eyes look like Iandrus’?
For a child like that, begging on his knees now was no waste.
Even when he became an adult, he would never do something so foolish. Never.
“I’ll do whatever you ask of me,” Iandrus said with determination in his voice.
Looking back on things now, this must have come as quite the shock to Iandrus, who was still only fifteen years old right now. For he who couldn’t remember a thing, Diana’s change probably seemed jarring and shocking.
Still, Iandrus never criticized Diana. He only ever took her side.
Diana turned to look at Iandrus. He was sitting on his knees, resting his forehead against his clasped hands. His expression was very serious, as if he’d made up his mind.
Maybe it was because he was fifteen years old, rather than an adult who had already been set in his ways. Because Iandrus was only fifteen, he wasn’t old enough to solidify his values yet.
Diana’s hands shook more.
Though the news was like a thunderbolt hitting him out of nowhere, Iandrus was telling Diana that everything she was saying was right. He acted with respect towards her.
This time might really be different.
She was filled with expectations.
Meanwhile, Iandrus still couldn’t open his eyes. He’d already been rejected by Diana so many times that he couldn’t bear to face her right now. He was terrified she might push him away again. It was an honest fear, one that could only take hold of a fifteen year old’s heart. Iandrus clenched his fists, feeling the trembling of his heart.
It was like Diana’s voice was piercing Iandrus’ soul. Iandrus lowered the hand he was clenching, then slowly turned his head her way. Diana and Iandrus were facing each other now.
Diana’s eyes were full of tears.
The sacred air of the church seemed to embrace Diana. Iandrus stared blankly at her and if she hadn’t called out to him, he might’ve stayed like that forever.
Iandrus said Diana’s name with a trembling voice. When their eyes met clearly, the tears in her eyes almost fell.
“I…I’m not very confident.” Diana whispered.
“. . .”
“But I want to believe.”
Unable to bear their weight, her tears started streaming down her face. Wearing a black dress, Diana looked as sacred as a saint. Seeing the light reflect off of her, Iandrus’ eyes trembled.
“I want to believe that things won’t turn out the same.”
She wanted to believe and have it come true.
This was a worry that had been dogging her for so long.
But now she had the courage to face her fate head on. Unlike her past self, Diana wasn’t alone. She had Iandrus and Guinness banding together. If they worked in tandem, she had hope that they could change the future.
Of course, there was still a chance she may regret this choice.
But was there any difference between regretting things, and regretting things without even trying to change them?
“Let’s have a trial period, Iandrus.”
“I don’t know if we can really change Lady Catherine’s fate, Ian. We may not be able to make it in time.”
Iandrus nodded along.
“So let’s solve that first and think about us later.”
“Alright, Diana.” Iandrus carefully held Diana’s soft hand. As he gently kissed the back of her hand, she smiled softly. “I’ve decided I will do everything you tell me to do.”
Diana decided to accept it. This Iandrus was not guilty of anything. It was only after her body recovered that she could see things clearly again. Right now, Iandrus was just a fifteen year old boy who was struck by lightning.
Iandrus’ eyes were so clear and honest that the sincerity and affection was radiating from them. They were emotions that Diana would not have noticed in her previous life because she was just too immature.
So Diana wanted to lean on him again.
And now that Iandrus knew her a little better, he wasn’t afraid to put his heart into it.
“Then…….You won’t do something like this again, will you?” Iandrus carefully put his lips against Diana’s wrist.
He could feel the pain rising from it. This was a symbol of her violent pushback. A desperate attempt to push Iandrus away.
It was such a painful wound.
Iandrus’ lips trembled. “You won’t do this again, right?”
“If you ever think about doing this again, you’d be better off just stabbing me instead.”
Diana let out a short and quiet laugh. He could say such immature words because he was still at that age. As she chuckled, Iandrus looked up at her with a dissatisfied expression.
“Don’t laugh. I’m being serious.”
Sincerity. His foolishly honest heart touched Diana. She lightly nodded her head. The words that were difficult for him to say when he was an adult were now flourishing comfortably. This was something that could only happen now of all times. Diana nodded her head.
Iandrus gave a sincere smile.
It was completely different from the awkward smile she saw before. Iandrus pulled his lips away from Diana’s wrist. It felt like something was finally clicking between them. Like a bond that could not be easily broken.
“We’re in this together, Diana.”
This time, Diana nodded. “Will you really do everything I ask?”
Diana laughed playfully—a luxury she had finally regained.
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