Because of frustration.
To Hannah, asking if there was anything bothering Kathia before she slept—
“In any case Mom, you can’t do anything anyway.”
— Kathia replied like that.
Ah.
After having regained her consciousness for a few days, Kathia was startled and closed her mouth. Hannah’s face looked the same as usual as if she couldn’t hear.
What a relief. I guess she didn’t hear. After exhaling a sigh of relief, Kathia hugged Hannah.
“No, nothing’s wrong. Don’t worry.”
“Really?”
“Of course. I love you, mom.”
“Oh my, why all of a sudden?”
“Of course I will always love you.”
“Thanks, but you know I love you more, Kathia.”
“No, that’s impossible. You don’t know how much I love you.”
Sharing the same bedroom upon Kathia’s request, the mother and daughter whispered their love for each other multiple times, tightly hugging the other and falling asleep together.
Then, shortly after, they left their bedroom, still together.
Their normal everyday life kept repeating. At least until now.
While putting a blanket over the heavy-footed Hannah, Kathia shivered.
The autumn nights are indeed cold. They’re still tolerable, but the real cold will approach soon.
At least they survived with the capes made out of fur from wolves in the north gifted by His Majesty. To the mother and daughter who caught bad cases of flu every winter, he was worried and they had to laugh it off.
Hopefully, we can stay warm with capes and blankets this year.
Sigh, it would’ve been nice if I knew how to use magic. At least I could make a little fire around Mom.
Thinking such thoughts, Kathia suddenly frowned. Uhh— Something’s off.
In front of her, Hannah kept walking.
She passed the place where she normally stopped, but kept walking.
“Mom…?”
She kept walking.
Towards the pond.
“M-Mom! Mom! Mom!”
The pond built long ago for the imperial family’s children to enjoy sailing was very wide and deep, but Kathia and Hannah couldn’t swim.
The moment she was about to sink—
“NO!!!”
Right before Hannah touched the water, Kathia barely reached and caught her, and then pulled her back.
Plunk. The two people stumbled and almost fell down. A vast sandy dust storm rose and disappeared.
Thump! Thump! Thump!
The ground shook and the sky fell. Kathia’s heart plummeted loudly.
It seemed like she knew why Hannah was like this.
‘She must’ve heard.’
Mom heard what I said. That’s why. That’s why…
Hearing her heartbeat pounding like thunder dozens of times, at that time, Hannah stumbled to get up and went inside the detached palace like normal.
Kathia couldn’t go back as if nothing happened.
Thud, thud. The plummeting of her heart wouldn’t stop. It was deafening. Her entire body shook like an aspen leaf.
It was her fault.
‘I pushed mom to the pond.’
Because I spoke wrongly. I shouldn’t have done that. The one who should’ve never done that was me.
As there’s only my mom. For my mom, there’s only me…
Despair and guilt started to strangle my neck.
I felt like slapping myself so badly.
‘Hypocrite.’
What do you mean you’re happy just having your mom around?
Truthfully, you were greedy, wanting to have other things besides your mom. You wanted to own a luxurious and expansive world.
You resented your mom’s incapability.
You thought only being aware of your mother a long time ago was better, but as you learned of other things more and more, you became more unhappy.
You thought you sacrificed yourself.
And you pass along the responsibility to your mother!
“S… Sob…!”
Kathia bit on her lower lip to stifle her outcry ready to burst out like vomit.
You dare to cry because you did something well? Don’t cry. You have NO right to cry.
Mom laughed after listening to such words. She told me she loved me.
That’s why don’t you EVER cry.
Pledging, Kathia practiced overnight. She practiced laughing prettily. The contemplation that continued for many days was finally resolved.
The practice finally paid off.
The following morning. Not just Hannah, but in front of his Majesty, she laughed very brightly and answered to the contemplation.
“I would like to go. To the debutante.”