Sensing the recklessness in his voice, the tip of Kathia’s fingers twitched. It was the same hand Deon grabbed recently.
I’ll never fall for that.
I’ll only be his tool until I’m deemed useless. Nothing more, nothing less.
‘But…’
But then, Deon Arc del Brezina.
‘Am I not fully used up yet?’
Between us, we have no more negotiations, no more debt to pay off. Then, isn’t it obvious to go back to when we had nothing to do with each other…?
‘Why are you still acting like a generous little brother?’
Swamped under the many uncomfortable, unanswerable questions, Kathia kept smiling as Deon discarded the coffee and brewed tea for her.
The tea he always recommends around this time is lavender, chamomile, and hibiscus tea, which are ideal to drink before sleep.
And the effects were always exceptionally remarkable.
Midnight.
The time Kathia finishes off her day.
After having tea at night with Deon, Kathia rubbed her eyes once more and headed towards her bedroom. Her fatigue came crashing down like a tsunami.
Barely managing to change into her nightgown before laying her tired body on her bed, Deon loomed in front of her room.
It was as if there was a transparent barrier between them.
At the same time, a slight, unsatisfactory thought crossed her mind as she couldn’t see his face due to the light behind him. He closed the door and said to her like every other time.
“Good night.”
Ending it with a bitter, chocolate-like voice, it became dark.
* * *
Creak…
Deon’s half-closed eyes began to open at the sound of the door opening. Today, in the dark room, someone was dangerously walking out.
It was Kathia.
“Kathia.”
“…”
As always, there was no answer. Even if he knew that would be the case, Deon always calls her once in a while just to confirm.
Kathia shuffled past Deon.
Her expressionless face, her eyes out of focus, smeared with uneasiness, Deon follows behind her.
There wasn’t much he could do except turn Kathia in a different direction so she wouldn’t hit walls or tables.
Except for that, he did not hold her back nor stop her.
Trapped in a freedom that’s not freedom, Kathia paced around the house for ages. As if she finally found her destination, she headed towards the workroom.
While she recklessly stepped on the scraps of cloth, threads, and ruined dolls scattered about, Kathia suddenly stopped right in front of the ragdoll that resembled her.
Looking down quietly at the ragdoll, Kathia’s face was distinct from her usual self.
Her mouth that chatted energetically in the day was closed shut, and her eyes that normally shimmered like pond water were as black as death.
Quite distant. Kathia’s day and night were this distant.
And Deon didn’t want to leave her alone at any time.
Protecting her.
Watching over her.
Shortly afterward, he quickly caught her small frame when she suddenly collapsed.
Not feeling too hot or cold, Deon fretted in putting more effort to not let go of her lukewarm warmth.
How to put it… as if the moment his eyes turn away or when he lets go of her, that uneasy feeling of her disappearing from his arms forever…
What should I call this cumbersome feeling that’s only getting worse day by day?
Ah, yes. He remembers the time when he was holding his mother’s hand who would not wake from her slumber. Perhaps it was that same feeling.
Of course, that happened when he was very young, so he forgot the name of that feeling.
Deon gently carried Kathia out of the workroom. Then, as if they were waiting, Gary and Harper appeared and tried to return exactly how she messed up the room during the day.
As to erase any sight of the existence of others.
So that the ‘girl of the day’ wouldn’t realize the existence of the ‘girl of the night.’
Deon, who assembled and ordered everything as such, laid Kathia down carefully on her bed and sat by her.
Between her slightly ajar lips, a sliver of breath escaped.
What could his petite older sister dream about? Rather, could she be suffering from another nightmare from the past?
No matter how tormenting the nightmares were, Deon hoped that she would win against them.
Since I didn’t give her permission to break down yet.
She needs to be in front of me shining.
That’s why…
“Sweet dreams.”
He stroked Kathia’s hair while whispering, and kissed the soft tips of her hair. Suddenly, it felt as if he could remember the name of this long-gone, innocent emotion.