“Get out,” the Marquis said after a while.
Leila, who was left alone with the Marquis in the room, was terrified again.
“If you hear loud noises in the room, come back without delay.”
“I understand.”
Whether or not Leila was frightened, the knight went out of the room after talking to the Marquis.
And the Marquis, who was sitting on the sofa, got up. At that sight, Leila almost screamed for a moment.
Had he not walked away from Leila, she would have screamed. He left the stiffened Leila and slowly walked towards the door.
The Marquis stopped by the door, leaned against the wall next to it, and looked at Leila.
“If I approach my lady, scream as soon as possible. The speed at which the knight opens the door and subdues me will be much faster compared to the time I need to reach you.”
Leila’s face turned red.
It’s been that way since last night. He continued to try to reassure her Leila, being very considerate. However, Leila was constantly suspicious of him. She knew he didn’t mean to hurt her, but she couldn’t let go of her walls. Leila looked down at her own arms wrapped in her bandages.
Wounds, once inflicted on, are not easily healed. Even more so if it hurts the heart.
“Are you planning to return to the temple?”
“Yes, that is correct.”
The Marquis patted his chin with a thoughtful expression on his face for a moment.
“Do you know how things work in the temple?”
Leila couldn’t answer right away.
Her mother was a devout believer, but her father was not. He didn’t really believe in God.
Because of his father’s inclination, her mother also rarely visited the temple. It was the same with Leila.
Therefore, although she studied basic theology, she did not have in-depth knowledge, and was ignorant of how things run in the temple.
“For example, about what the women who return to the temple do.”
When Leila couldn’t answer, the Marquis added a sentence, perhaps thinking that his explanation wasn’t good enough. Leila shook her head.
“I don’t know. I just…”
‘I just have nowhere to go.’ The words were swallowed in her mouth.
“Women who reside in the temple are responsible for chores, regardless of their status. Even if she were a lady, it wouldn’t change anything.”
“Huh?”
Leila asked in surprise.
“You cannot become a priest unless you have divine power, and if you surrender because of that, you will do chores that the priests don’t do.”
“When you say chores, what do you mean?”
“Sewing, field work, caring for animals, kitchen work, cleaning, stuff like that.”
“How is that…”
It was shocking. Starting with embroidery, Leila learned the liberal arts such as flower arrangement, music, art, dance, and etiquette, and received higher education in mathematics, history, humanities, philosophy, and geography.
But she never learned or did anything like chores.
Even though her shock had not yet dissipated, the Marquis continued to speak.
“And priests are mostly male, and as you know, priests are in very high positions in the temple.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“Don’t assume that all priests are just. Rotten branches exist in any group.” Leila understood what the Marquis was trying to say.
He meant that even a high priest might do harm to her as she was doing chores inside the temple.
Her face turned pale.
She thought that if she went to the temple she would be freed from all suffering and would be at ease, but even that place could not be her shelter.
She was as reluctant to do chores as much as she was worried about being in trouble at the temple.
“After a little more research, or until you find a place you like, how about staying here?”
“I can’t.”
Even though she had nowhere to go right now, she had no choice but to say this. “I don’t want to bother Marquis, and the knight is too much for me.” Leila spoke with a low voice as the Marquis sighed at her refusal.
“My lady needs protection. Safety too.”
“… …”
“I felt that way last night. If I’m wrong, please tell me that it’s just my imagination.”
Leila couldn’t say anything.
What he said was true, but she couldn’t even open her mouth out of shame.
“I think I’ll be relieved if the lady stays by my side, but I seem to make you uncomfortable, so I can only do the best I can.”
“… …”
“So please feel free to accept it.”
Now, the burning heat that was blushing on Leila’s face fell to the corners of her eyes.
Leila hesitated and slowly opened her mouth.
“Why… ”
As she uttered her first words, with red, bloodshot eyes, she looked at Marquis Karsha, who was leaning against the wall.
“…are you so good to me? Is there anything you want from me?”
“… …”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything to repay Marquis’ kindness. I don’t have anything.”
With a trembling chin, she barely, really barely spoke her words.
Looking at Leila like that, the Marquis slowly opened his mouth and spoke in whisper as Leila did,
“There is nothing I want from you.”
“Lies.”
“I’m serious.”
“Why are you still helping me? Why are you helping me when I don’t want anything from you!”
The Marquis opened his mouth only when Leila, who had been shouting in agitation, barely managed to catch her breath.
“As a knight, as a nobleman, as a man, how can you ignore a lady who needs help?”
“… …”
“And as a human being, is it strange to do good to someone who is in trouble?”
Finally, tears that she had been holding back fell from Leila’s eyes.
She cried for quite some time, while the Marquis waited for her to stop crying.
As she was about to stop crying, he moved slowly towards Leila.
He then placed the handkerchief from his hand on the edge of the table and went back to the wall and leaned back.
Leila wiped her tears with the handkerchief the Marquis had given, and said, “I’m sorry,” and then, “Thank you for your help.”
***
In the end, Leila never made it to the temple.
Although she was so wary of Theotron, she eventually opened her heart to him and became his lover.
The process had never been easy. It took over a year for Leila to completely open her heart to Theotron.
“I want to die. I have no reason to live. Just let me die.”
For over a year, Leila lived on the borderline between life and death.
It was difficult to overcome the sorrows and wounds of the past with Theon’s overflowing kindness and consideration alone.
“If you have no reason to live, live for me. Live for me who loves you.” Leila accepted Theon’s sincerity with these words.
She had fallen out of the boundary of death, and started to live in love with him.
It was Theotron’s desperate efforts that opened Leila’s heart and made her accept becoming a mistress. But his efforts weren’t the only reason she was willing to become a mistress.
After the death of her parents, through the many threats, insults and betrayals, Leila distrusted her men and desperately sought a sanctuary to protect her. However, ironically, through this series of processes, her reluctance to become a mistress disappeared.
She also chose a stronger and more reliable man to protect her from those who threatened her. Even though she knew he was already married.
Thus, Leila became a mistress.
Instead of overcoming the problems she faced, she chose to become a mistress and lead a comfortable life.
She also denied reality and turned away from it.
Even now, several years after that.
***
‘I should have gone to the temple then.’
Leila thought about the past all the way home.
Thinking about the day she met Theon in her most miserable and agonizing moment.
Arriving in her room, she threw off her hat.
Even though it wasn’t very hot, her forehead was wet. It was because of the unbearable suffering.
“Now what should I do…”
She covered her face with both hands.
Even if she admitted that she was the mistress, nothing changed. Unless the child in the womb disappears.
For the nobility, having an illegitimate child was a big problem.
Therefore, it was common for the mistress to be abandoned by the lover the moment they had children.
Even if the nobleman who loved the mistress does not abandon the mistress, the spouse’s intervention will come from then on.
Attempts to get rid of the child who would defile the lineage or attempts simply to kill the mistress were also carried out.
Even if the nobleman protects the mistress and the child is born safely because the spouse does not care, the problem does not go away.
Because illegitimate children have always been the source of rebellion.
Leila did not want to even imagine being abandoned. She couldn’t even imagine life without Theon now.
“I don’t even want it, but why did it happen!”
If only this hadn’t happened. If it had been, Leila would have kept on deceiving herself and led only a life of happiness as she had always done.
The problems she had been suppressing only leaked to the surface through the occasion of ‘pregnancy’, but Leila recklessly resented the child.
“Will it disappear just because I wish for it to disappear…?”
Leila, who was holding her own stomach with her hands, lifted her head as if realizing something.
“I can remove it.”
One can just remove the source of problems.
Since there are drugs that prevent childbearing, there must also be drugs to get rid of them. Even if there is no medicine, there will be a way.
Leila did not doubt that there was a way to get rid of the child, and promised tomorrow with peace of mind.
The disappearance of the child did not mean that she was not a mistress. The fundamental problem still existed. Even after realizing this, Leila just avoided the problem, thinking that everything would be solved without the child.