The Duke’s Circumstances (11)
If she doesn’t die at the hands of Harsian, she will die by her own hands after she finds traces of her mother.
Her life had already been turned upside down from the day her parents passed away.
Moreover, bad memories were constantly tormenting her without fading away from her mind.
How many attempts had she made to die? But unfortunately she didn’t die. In the process, she only realized that it was very difficult and frightening to die.
“I’ll be by your side. I’ll help you not to get sick. So don’t give up.”
It was Theon who stood by her side. She wanted to believe it.
She wanted to die because it was painful, but even dying was as difficult as living, so she was exhausted. She only lived so as not to die. She turned away from reality, loved Theon, and lived moderately satisfied with the present condition.
But when she became pregnant with a child, reality returned, and the stopped time began to pass, she thought of death again. She couldn’t stand it, her shame at the fact that she had, at the very least, been a mistress that she hated so much.
She said that the only reason she didn’t die was because of the child. The life she wanted to kill. A life that was brought about by her own mistake.
She thought she wouldn’t be sorry if she left after saving this child.
But what should she do after she gives birth? At the very least, she should help the child grow up like a human, so that they don’t become a failed life like herself. That’s why she thought about getting a job, and reluctantly sold her things one by one.
She needed money to raise a child, and even if she sent them to a shelter, she planned to donate the money in the name of the child every month until the child becomes an adult.
‘It will be okay now, right?’
Leila touched her stomach.
She didn’t know if it was a good decision. Harsian could have deceived her. But she wanted to believe. She went there and hoped that this child would be happy.
Maybe she didn’t know that she was thinking only of herself with her utterly selfish heart.
But she was already too tired if she had to sustain her life until the child grew up.
That’s why she worked so hard, believing that everything would be okay, and hoping that it would all be over one day sooner.
In the end, Leila, as she had done in the past, leaned and obeyed those in power, avoiding hardships and problems.
“Ha…”
Leila turned her head to look out the window.
She looked at the moon and countless twinkling stars in the dark blue night sky. As she looked at the scene, she burst into tears and laughed at the same time.
“I just want to die… faster.”
After the death of her parents, Leila had been running towards her death.
Theon was forced to stop Leila’s, which was rapidly approaching the end, clock and made her live.
But now, Leila’s time began to turn again.
She was heading towards the final destination of death.
***
The day after meeting Harsian, Leila bought a large suitcase and a smaller one, and then started packing things meticulously.
Two days later, she got a call from Theon. It was a call to inform that he would be coming soon.
‘It’s a relief that you came early.’
Leila stretched after throwing Theon’s letter at random.
She could leave right away if she wanted to, but Theon’s words that he would be back soon struck her heart.
Two weeks have passed since then.
Two weeks met Theon’s ‘soon’ criteria, so she expected him to come anytime soon.
She could be in trouble if Theon noticed her missing as soon as she left.
It seems unlikely, but he might think that Leila has been kidnapped and scours everywhere.
Leila wanted to leave quietly. So she wanted to see Theon one last time.
As short as one week, at most two months.
This is how Theon visits Leila, so after meeting once, she will have at least a week to spare.
Even if Theon looks for her, within a week, she’ll be running away to a place where he won’t be able to find her.
‘He seems busy these days, so I think he’ll only be back in a month or so.’
Leila yawned and sat down at the desk.
Leila knew that Harsian would object to her suggestion to meet Theon before she left.
However, after hearing Leila’s words, he willingly, no, not willingly, allowed it nonetheless.
—Scheduled to depart the next morning.
She wrote a brief note and went out and put it in her mailbox.
Twenty minutes after Leila entered the house again, a large shadow appeared from the mouth of the alley.
It was Har, who firmly believed that he could go back to where he was soon.
He puckered his lips in dissatisfaction and walked over to take her note from the mailbox.
***
Before Theon arrived, Leila had finished all the work.
She even hid her luggage deep in the dark so that Theon would not be able to find it.
Books about the Kingdom of Sronakia were sold out in the morning, and all the letters Theon had sent so far were burned.
Other than that, she cleaned out all the trinkets that had traces of her.
“It’s later than I thought. Have you eaten?”
“I’m fine. Welcome. I missed you.”
And she greeted Theon casually.
Tomorrow morning, when she leaves, their relationship ends. Leila will leave this man’s arms.
“I’ve been sleeping a lot lately. I slept 10 hours today.”
“It’s good to get enough rest. I’m relieved that you’re resting well.”
“Does anyone need to rest that much? I’m becoming lazy. I’m worried that this will make me gain weight.”
“You can get a little fat. No, it doesn’t matter even if you gain a lot.”
“Tsk. What a liar.”
“I’m serious. I’d rather see you more plump.”
Nevertheless, Leila treated Theon as usual.
She lay on his arms and giggled over trivial chatter.
She listened to Theon’s work and gladly encouraged and comforted him in his struggles.
She looked at him with adoring eyes and kissed him as she leaned on his warmth.
As much as this moment, she loved him as she had been for years.
“I love you, Theon.”
“I love you too.”
These words were also sincere. She was also sincerely happy to hear his reply.
But she hadn’t stopped thinking about leaving.
Her determination was firm, and once Theon leaves tomorrow morning, she will leave without any regrets.
Sometimes she’d looked back on Theon’s mistakes and blamed him, but in fact, she truly loved him.
She loved the person who hugged and comforted her, the only kind person who reached out to her, who cried and cried and cried saying that she wanted to die, and who always treated her with kindness.
But no matter how much she loved him, it didn’t change the fact that she was a mistress. It did not change that the child in her womb was an illegitimate child.
Now is the time to end this love.
‘Is this the last time?’
Tomorrow, the relationship between the two will be completely cut off, and after a few months, Leila will disappear from this world.
So for this last moment as long as he had no idea, she wanted to love him completely.
“I truly love you.”
During this night spent with him, Leila loved him passionately, and she forgot him at the same time.
***
‘That startled me.’
The next morning, Theon left.
Leila, who stood outside by the window and watched Theon’s carriage leave, stroked her chest.
She truly loved him and mourned her last moments with him.
It was no different from usual. But Theon asked a question as if he had noticed something.
‘Surely that’s impossible?’
Leila snorted lightly and entered the bathroom.
Theon was caring and kind, but was somewhat insensitive. Thinking that such a man couldn’t have noticed anything, she washed her body.
After she washed up, she put on a light dress.
‘One month will be enough.’
One month was still more than enough time for Leila to leave.
She even had the help of Duke Serios, so even if the Marquis looked for Leila, it was clear that she would never be found.
It will never happen though. Anyway, she had plenty of time, so she was relieved. Leila, fully dressed in her clothes, pulled out her bag that she had hidden. Then suddenly, she noticed something.
“Oh… What is this?”
It was found while she was holding the handle of the bag.
It had been put into Leila’s hand several years ago, she just forgot about it. Leila put her bag down and with her right hand touched what was on the ring finger of her left hand.
“I’m not so arrogant to think that I can heal all the wounds in your heart, I just want you to remember that there is someone by your side when you see this.”
Before she opened her heart to Theon, at that time, Leila was constantly thinking about the boundary between life and death.
It was the ring Theon gave her back then.
It resembled Theo’s eyes, the jewel looked as if it was made of some kind of refined flame.
Leila received this, accepted him at the same time, and cherished her feelings of love.
Now the ring was like a part of her body.
Leila stood for a moment and touched the ring.
Then she closed her eyes once, as if she had made up her mind to do something, and then pulled out the ring.
Then she put it on the nightstand by her bed and she turned her back.
Leila came down to the living room and placed a letter and a bundle of money on the living room table.
“… Will it be okay?”
In a few hours, the maids will come to work, and they will soon find out that Leila isn’t there.
She prepared a note for that. The young maid could read only relatively easy words.
It was not an unusual case for the common people. But it was questionable whether they would believe what Leila left behind.
They were clearly Theon’s hires, paid by him, so maybe they would tell Theon right away.
But Theon was not the kind of person whom anyone could meet just because they wanted to. So, will it be okay?
A single maid would prefer to wait rather than try to meet the Marquis.
“Ah, the bonnet.”
Leila, who was about to go outside with her luggage bag, hurriedly went to collect her bonnet.
However, she boldly gave up using the bonnet and came out again and packed her luggage.
She reached the front door and paused for a moment. She then turned her back and looked around the house slowly.
“Goodbye.”
Leila left the words.
Her greeting meant goodbye to everything.
Her life was now over, and she had no regrets.
Leila walked out of the house. She walked back and forth with her luggage bag and went to the place written in the letter she received yesterday morning.
Even though it was early, the street was already crowded with people starting the day.
Not everyone seemed to be as lazy, foolish, and helpless as she was.
Once again, it touched her heart and she laughed a little.
If she had actually lived like this, would something have changed?
Maybe she would start a new life and start her day like them by now.
Leila, who arrived at the meeting place, took in the chilly and refreshing air of the morning.
At that moment, someone tapped her on the shoulder from behind.
“You are…”
Turning her back, she saw a familiar person in her eyes.