The Woman’s Circumstances (10)
From an early age, Leila loved the story of a child traveling alone.
One day the child met a fox in the desert.
She wanted to be friends with the fox, so she asked the fox, “How can I be friends with you?”
Then the fox asked her to come to meet him every day.
The child promised the fox that she would come every day at 4pm.
Her mother used to say this to Leila whenever she was telling this scene,
“When you grow up to love someone, even if you promised to meet at 4, choose someone who arrives at 3:30.”
And she added:
“Your father is a man who pays with time and effort to tame someone, but he is also a man who comes to pay for it at least at 3:30.”
Unfortunately, Leila didn’t love someone who arrived 30 minutes early.
The person she loved was one who promised at 5 and didn’t come or call until 9.
She suddenly wanted to ask the fox.
If the person who promised to meet at 4 didn’t come even after 4 had passed, what would you think?
Would you still wait for them happily? For how long?
Would you still be happy even as they broke their promise?
When waiting can no longer bring happiness, what would you do?
The grandfather clock rang. It was 10 o’clock.
Now, Leila began to question a fundamental problem.
How the hell had she endured this rudeness for years?
How could she have tried to understand him?
‘I love you much more than you love me. I miss you much more than you miss me. You will never know how I feel.’
She believed him. She tried to understand him because she loved him. But now she has a question.
Were his words true? Did he love and miss her as much as she did while she waited for him?
She wouldn’t know. Everyone is a stranger except yourself. Even one’s own family is the same.
How can you know someone else’s heart when you can’t even know your own heart clearly? He was a perfect stranger before he was her lover.
Again, the clock rang signalling 11 o’clock.
Finally, Leila realized her true heart.
She never understood him. She tried to understand, but in the end, she couldn’t understand. Therefore, she gave up. He and she had been together for several years, and Leila had complained about this issue many times, perhaps quite frequently.
And each time, Theon would reply,
‘The reason I’m busy is because I want to get away from the title of illegitimate marquis. To be recognized as a proper Marquis Karsha. Wouldn’t we be completely happy once I did?’
Leila once asked, ‘What does complete happiness mean?’
‘That we can do without breaking up, to be together for the rest of our lives!’ Replied Theon.
Yes. It’s not just Leila’s misunderstanding.
Theon kept giving hints about their future together.
She believed it naively and innocently, so she tried to understand. But, now she gave up. It was time to give up everything.
The grandfather clock rang. It was the sound that signaled the end of Monday.
Leila got up and brought the armchair back to its original position.
“Haaamh.”
She stretched her arms out in front of her and yawned lightly, feeling tired.
Usually, she would have slept on the sofa, afraid that he might come in the morning.
She would check if the door was locked, and would have slept on the sofa for fear that no one would open the door if he ever came.
However, today’s Leila went into the dining room without any regrets.
Cold meals greeted her on her table.
Among them, Leila picked up a fruit that had been prepared for dessert, but ended up merely as decoration, then she ate. She ate everything except the seeds.
After she had finished eating, she went back to her room, changed into comfy pajamas, and went into the bathroom.
She brushed her teeth, washed her face, and removed her makeup.
‘I’m so pathetic that I can’t even cry anymore.’
Each time the water hit her face and fell, the thick barriers that surrounded her broke one by one.
How the hell did she fall in love with this man?
What if that day, it was not her Theon, but another man, who treated her like her Theon?
Splash.
She smiled as she washed her face, water splashed all over her.
Perhaps she’d loved him as she loved Theon.
Leila finally realized that what she believed to be love all this time wasn’t really love.
She needed help at the time, and she needed someone she could trust and depend on. Just in time, Theon appeared, and he fulfilled it.
She was just subordinated to his fence, afraid that the torments of her past would repeat itself. So, she became a mistress, believing she was in love.
‘No. It must’ve been love.’
Leila thought as she wiped her face with a towel, only because she thought her situation would be too ridiculous if it wasn’t for love.
‘I loved him. If I didn’t love, I wouldn’t have dreamed of becoming a mistress no matter how much protection I needed.’
But, now. She didn’t want to be his mistress or even wife anymore. ‘It’s time to end this ridiculous relationship.’
Leila came out of the bathroom and lay down on the bed. She thought of the fox in the fairy tale until she fell asleep.
‘If it were you, would you have waited for him until now? Would you still wait happily?’
The fox’s answer is unknown.
‘I wouldn’t.’
When she realized that he was not coming, all the happiness she felt while waiting for him turned into hate.
‘He may have become the person I hate the most in the world now.’
‘Because I hate him as much as I love him.’
Perhaps the story would have been different if he had come to her in time today.
However, Theon turned away from Leila at the moment when she desperately wanted him, and that made Leila’s heart firm.
In the distance, the sound of a clock ticking and moving rang. After the death of her parents, Leila’s time, which had stood still, finally began to flow.
***
Theon came the day after at lunchtime.
The first words he spoke were, “I couldn’t get out of the long conversation,” Then, he smiled embarrassedly and added, “I’m sorry, I should have called you… Did you wait for long?”
It wasn’t that long ago that the words ‘I’m sorry’ started coming out of Theon’s mouth.
Leila had a few tantrums in this way before giving up completely understanding him,
“This is really rude! Not just for me, but also anyone else! How can you break a promise and not even say you’re sorry?”
Her anger was justified. Theon’s actions were not to be done, not only between lovers, but also with others.
Since then, Theon would use his words to say that he was sorry for her, as if saying sorry is an act of indulgence.
There was a time when she was moved by how sorry he was as she thanked him for listening to her, thinking that he cares.
Now that she thought about it, she could only laugh out loud.
“I waited for a while, but it’s okay. You must be very busy?”
Leila smiled as if nothing had happened.
Theon, who was examining her face, shook his head.
Seeing her sunken, skinny face, she looked like she hadn’t slept well the past few days. It looked like she had been busy.
“A little. No, actually a bit much. I still have a little bit of time, but I must go soon.”
Normally, she would have been moved by these words.
Even though he was so busy, he still took care of her and took the time to come to visit her.
“I see. I’m sorry. You’re so busy, but I still made you concerned.”
All sorts of accusations were floating around in her head, but Leila only said what she would have said in the first place.
Her Theon, who was standing there, looked at her and spread his arms. Leila got up from her seat and she hugged him.
“It’s okay. You deserve it.”
“Thank you.”
Theon let out a long sigh as he buried his face in Leila’s shoulder.
“I think I will live now.”
“… …”
“It really takes my breath away when I’m not with you.”
‘Are these words sincere?’ Or was it just a sentence to comfort Leila?
One couldn’t know. The only thing that’s sure is that if he truly was here for Leila, he should have said something else instead of this. For example, “What was urgent? I was worried and couldn’t stand it.”
“Why are you so thin?”
“Huh?”
Theon patted Leila’s waist, which he was holding.
“I can only touch the bones. Why are you so skinny?”
For reference, it was true that Leila was skinny.
Faced with unresolved problems, she spent her nights alone, struggling. It was natural for her to dry up.
Leila noticed the implications of his words. He was asking her what she had been up to.
“What would you say if I want to have children?”
For two days she vowed to part with him. She wasn’t going to tell him that she was pregnant.
Whether she let him know or not, her decision to break up with Theon would not change, and it would only implicate her further if she gets tied with him on the pretext of a child.
She thought she wouldn’t even ask for child support.
With all the gifts he had given her and some of her mother’s memento, she should be able to live.
Leila was determined to cut their relationship off completely. Still, the reason she asked was simply out of curiosity.
She wondered if the actions he had shown so far, the words he gave, and the person in them were really sincere.
At least she wanted to make sure that she was loved as a person and not as a toy as a mistress.
‘Isn’t that good enough?’
“… …”
Theon’s body hardened. She could feel it clearly because she was hugging him tightly.
“Why did you suddenly have such a thought?”
Theon stepped away from Leila and sat down on the sofa.