The Woman’s Circumstances
“You’re pregnant.”
She couldn’t remember exactly what happened after she heard that.
By the time Leila came to her senses and looked around, she was already on the street.
Standing in the midst of the bustling crowd, she firmly gripped the handle of the parasol she was holding.
If she hadn’t been wearing thin gloves, she could have seen the bones of her fingers protruding white as if they were tired.
‘… Pregnant? Me?’
The reason she went to the hospital to see a doctor was that such doubts had existed in her heart.
But still, Leila couldn’t believe it. To put it more properly, she didn’t want to believe it.
She didn’t want to believe it, so she came here to hear a more certain word of denial.
‘What should I do now…’
Leila thought and thought.
However, no matter how hard Leila tried to formulate a solution, this problem was too big, and she was too desperate to be able to go through it alone.
‘Help, someone, help me.’
She desperately needed help now. Even if it’s only a cup of hot tea and simple words of comfort.
But unfortunately, she had no one to do that for her.
She lost her parents a few years ago, and her grandparents have long since passed away.
She did have some relatives, but they weren’t close enough for her to ask for help.
One simply cannot call male relatives who inherited all of her parents’ properties, which she did not inherit because of being a woman, as ‘relatives’.
After her parents died, she lost her nobility and had no one to call a friend.
She had also chosen to isolate herself for several years, therefore, she had no acquaintances.
Leila looked around her involuntarily.
So many people are filling the street, but there is no one to help her.
“Haa…”
Leila took a breath with a trembling chin.
She was aware of her situation. This gigantic, desperate matter for her was something she had to deal with alone.
She made a precarious step forward, as the problem would not be solved by standing around dumbfoundedly.
“Just where did it go wrong?”
The softly muttered words were mixed with the bustle, crowd, and noise of the street, and disappeared in an instant.
Obviously, until a week ago, she was still happy. She believed she was happy. She wanted to be happy.
***
If she traced back her memory, that day was probably the beginning of her misfortune.
From the day she acted differently, from the day she did something unkind to herself.
On that day, the woman went out for no particular reason.
Although there was no particular reason, there were several reasons why the woman who rarely went out went out.
She woke up so early because there had been nothing to do the night before, so she had gone to sleep early. Upon waking up, she discovered that the day was exceptionally good today.
There was a great sense of loss as her lover who had suddenly come after a month and a half, left after only a few hours.
“Some of the artists I sponsored donated their works. Hopefully, they’re not the kind of products that would ruin my prestige.”
“Where did they donate it to? Why don’t you just go and take a look if you’re so worried?”
“At Lostva Ward Outer Park. I’ll stop by later to encourage them.”
In addition, the words the man had murmured last night still remained in her ears.
The woman was not interested in her lover’s affairs, nor did she want to interfere.
She believed in her own eyes and was brought up with an excellent education, enough to trust her own judgment.
However, to alleviate the man’s worries, Leila rather impulsively decided to go out on this day.
But, unfortunately, her thoughts did not bear any good fruits.
“Where is that woman… Ha!”
The woman, Leila, felt that something was wrong the moment she entered the park.
It was because she had witnessed a group of aristocratic women walking around the park in colorful dresses.
It was rather early at the moment, so she didn’t think the lazy nobles would be crowding around at this time, and in the park, no less.
Just as the woman lowered her pace and was about to turn around, she heard sharp words.
“Who are you talking about?”
“That woman!”
One of the aristocratic women who found the woman pointed at her.
“Leila the marquis’ mistress is here!”
The woman’s legs stiffened at her name that was shouted out loud like a thunderbolt and the title ‘the marquis’ mistress’ that followed.
How many times in her life had she been called out by her name like this?
In general, she should be addressed respectfully by the titles of ‘lady’, ‘peeress’, ‘noble daughter of’, or ‘miss’, followed by her honorable surname of ‘Elantre’.
Being associated with the title of ‘marquis’ mistress’ was enough to terrify her.
‘They don’t even know anything.’
With her right hand, Leila touched the ring that was placed on the ring finger of her left hand.
They knew nothing about her relationship with her lover and treated herself as a low-level mistress based solely on superficial circumstances.
“How dare you come here?”
“I know, right? I wondered for a moment if my eyes were wrong.”
“Even if you live like an aristocrat, a commoner is still a commoner. Can’t you even think this much?”
“Oh my, that’s true.”
While Leila hardened her body in embarrassment, sharp thorn-like accusations continued to pierce her body. It was a truly ruthless verbal abuse that could neither be prevented nor avoided.
Leila clasped her trembling hands tightly and stepped forward.
Her pride as a noble was too high to run away like this.
‘What have I done wrong? What’s wrong with taking a walk in an open park?’
Even if she was a mistress, they had no reason to slander her. Since when did a mistress become a major flaw for nobles?
She wasn’t even a real mistress, so there was no need to run away.
“Oh my God!”
“How can you be so shameless!”
Leila walked through the park with her head upright amidst the ridicules and contempts.
She didn’t see anything that resembled a statue in the vicinity. Therefore, her only purpose was to reach the end of this road.
Truthfully, there was no reason for that group of nobles to criticize Leila so blatantly.
It was not uncommon for aristocrats, mostly for those who were involved in contract marriages, to have mistresses.
Therefore, there was no reason to be condemned and despised simply because she was a mistress.
Her lover, Marquis Karsha, had great authority, honor, and wealth, so it was not a good thing to provoke his favorite mistress for nothing.
But that only counted when the mistress upheld the rules.
The emperor had entrusted Marquis Karsha to lead the refurbishment project of this park.
Marquis Karsha, by using his title, borrowed the power of the artists he sponsored to transform the park into a supreme beauty.
Tonight there was also a charity event party to celebrate the successful refurbishment of the park.
And Marquis Karsha’s mistress had come to the place that had been touched by the marquis, and even before the marquis himself.
This was as deserving of reproach as the mistress had shown her face in public.
Furthermore, the aristocratic women criticizing Leila were the people of the perfect marquis.
They had come here to show off to the Marquis.
This tour around the park before the evening party was done in order to build up prior knowledge needed to flatter the marquis.
‘How could they slander me when they don’t even know anything.’
Leila, who couldn’t understand their reason, raised her head high and brazenly walked through the park.
If it had been in the past, she would have said a word or two, but now she couldn’t.
Her status now was only a commoner, and she could not dare do such a thing to the nobles.
This was the most resistance that Leila could do.
She had no one to inform her that this park had been touched by the marquis, and she had no one to advise her that a mistress should not have dared to come.
Had she known, of course she would not have come. This was simply the result of ignorance.
“It’s so absurd. I’m speechless.”
“How can a person be so shameless?”
“Because of a woman like that, even docile mistresses are getting scolded and cursed.”
Leyra walked resolutely, and finally reached the end of the park. She returned home with an indifferent face.
“Nothing, they know nothing…”
Leila’s face was extremely calm until she got to her room. The moment she entered her bathroom by herself, her face contorted at once.
The sorrow she had been struggling with overflowed.
“Dad, Mom, why did you two die so suddenly? Why did you leave me alone? Take me too. Just take me too!”
Leila went into the empty bathtub, sobbed and cried, then screamed, then sobbed again.
“I miss you both…”
Leila turned on the water. Cold water rushed out like her tears and quickly filled the bathtub.
She hugged her knees and buried her head in it.
The only way to lessen suffering is to embrace more suffering.
It would be perfect if it was physical pain as you stop thinking when you’re sick.
For that reason, Leila immersed herself in the cold water for a very long time.