The terrible moments of that time were vividly imprinted on my body.
The death of Selemion, the carriage burned by the priests who had involved to kill me, and even the fire in the orphanage where I lived.
Before I returned, I had to watch everything helplessly. Nothing was kept. I couldn’t protect anything.
“I didn’t encounter the priests so I didn’t have to use divine power.”
My father’s hand went right up to my words. Normally, I would’ve closed my eyes as soon as his hand raised. But this time I didn’t avoid it. I opened my eyes and looked straight at him.
“Isn’t it more suspicious if a prospective saint keeps hiding? It’s the job of a prospective saint to pray daily.”
In order to protect my precious things, I couldn’t live in the past.
But I was scared. The chance I got, I was worried if I could keep it right.
However, I couldn’t protect anything by just avoiding it. I learned from paying too much in my past life.
“Then what if they find out that you are not capable?”
The fact that I was a fake was my weakness, but it was also a fatal point of my father. So I didn’t have to think about it further.
“The saint said that she gave me a little bit of her divine power. So I’d rather make even small miracle with the divine power I received so people will believe that I’m a real saint.”
Someone who had no divine power made a miracle. It might have been strange. But until I found Ellaner, I had to deceive my father. Believed that I was a well-behaved daughter and that I was ready to become a real saint.
“Hmm, you have a point.”
Fortunately, he managed to pull over. Thanks to this, I now had the chance to meet Astein every day.
“Good. I’ll allow that. Go pray and get divine power again and use it. Don’t forget that’s your way to live.”
It was an impossible future.
The divine power that came just before I die. Maybe it wasn’t mine. Mine was very weak.
“I understand. I will try.”
I responded to him by acting as faithfully as possible. He narrowed his eyes to my changed attitude.
“But you, how on earth have you been with him?”
“It’s exactly what he said before. On the way home from the temple, the carriage tried to avoid the rock, but it was in the mud, so he helped me.”
“You better not get involved with him.”
My father’s eyes narrowed again. The vertical line wrinkles seemed to have a mixture of contempt and disregard for Astein.
“Who is he?”
“Grand Duke of Dandelion. The Emperor’s half brother.”
In his words, I brought up a vague memory a long time ago.
One of the emperor’s half brothers dedicated his land and title to the emperor and disappeared. Some said he was driven out by the hatred of the emperor, while others said that he was assassinated by the emperor.
Could Astein be the missing half brother of the Emperor?
“He is the most hated. I thought that’s because his mother assassinated the emperor’s mother and became the Empress. The Countess’ illegitimate child stole the Empress’ crown and took the position of Empress. That’s why she’s called the devil. Don’t mess with the image of a saint by hanging out with her son.”
It was the moment when I understood the conversation he had with the Saint today.
Astein was sad.
The current emperor was about to die of chronic disease in a year and a half. He had no children. And the subsequent brawl between his brothers. Astein wasted his precious talent and gave up the throne.
“Why is there no answer?”
“I understand…”
“If you are involved in any bad rumors, beware of Karen’s fame. If you caused me trouble, you will not be forgiven.”
I looked at my father, who mentioned one of the reasons why I had to be a fake saint, with slightly resentful eyes.
It felt hurt a little. I had to become a dumping hound because I wasn’t a biological daughter.
As the friction sound rang on my cheeks, the facts touched me more.
“Where do you dare to stare? You must have lost your nerve. But don’t forget your position.”
I couldn’t sleep all night looking for a solution.
༻✿༺
Dark attic, I was still trapped there today. I was still cooling my hot cheeks with my cold hands. It was my punishment because I went out without permission. All the doors were closed and the lights were turned off, they put out all the lamps, so there was no light entering the attic.
I felt abandoned in the dark. My body parts that had been hurt before reversion were throbbing little by little. I was tormented with pain all over my body.
“I hate it…”
How long has it been? By the time the virtual pain had faded, a weak light leaked into the attic.
“My Lady.”
Selemion came by my side through the darkness. The child put something down near me.
“Here’s bread and soup. Tommy told me you didn’t eat anything in the temple. What if you starve all day? Please eat this and pray.”
When Selemion’s worries reached me, my heart shook. She was also the one whom I had to protect. Astein and this little girl who only obeyed me was the one I should protect.
I slowly chewed the hard bread and cold soup that Selemion gave me and swallowed it.
Another long time passed. Selemion, who came again, smiled brightly and opened the door of the attic.
“My Lady, you can come out now.”
The sunset and the moon rose before I knew it. Most people slept, the mansion was quiet.
“Would you like to go to your room?”
“No, I’m going to take a walk a little bit.”
“The Marquis might say something if he sees you walking around.”
Selemion looked back at me, a little uneasy.
“It’s alright. I will avoid him. And I’m going to do some exercises.”
“Exercise?”
After I found out Ellaner and proposed her as a saint, I was planning to reveal the sins of the Marquis. After that, I would run away somewhere and live alone.
However, it was unreasonable to escape with a weak body.
The only thing I knew was how to become a good saint because I was raised to be one, so I studied alone, I also needed time to plan how to live in the future.
“Yes. I have a lot of work to do in the future.”
Selemion looked at me with the eyes of not understanding at all.
“I’ll go alone, so you go to bed first.”
“Yes. But it’s still cold at night, so don’t stay outside for too long.”
After Selemion left, I went to take a walk. Then, I tried to put my hand on my heart. However, divine power was not really mine.
“So be it.”
A fake saint with no divine power. I was still not loved by God.
A deep sigh came out. Maybe in this life, I wished I was a real saint. Then I could’ve stayed in the temple with Astein.
As I walked in contemplation, I went deep into the footpaths. There I saw a gazebo, it was lit up even though it was this late.
“Who is it?”
I was puzzled by a different atmosphere than usual, so I sneaked behind the rose vine near the gazebo.
“Lord Dandelion is trying to become a paladin.”
“Is that so? His Majesty will be relieved.”
“If he doesn’t become a paladin, he should silently be assassinated.”
My heart thumped. The Emperor hated Astein and I never thought he was planning an assassination on him.
“Hm, can we just kill him before that? For insulting me today.”
“His Majesty would like it too.”
“Good. Then I’ll hire the assassin.”
My father’s voice rang pleasantly.
What the hell did I just hear? My heartbeat was so loud that I was worried that I might be heard.
“You can’t use a regular assassin. If you fail for nothing and get caught, His Majesty will be in trouble.”
“Don’t worry. Don’t you know? Blue Rose, if you give them money, they’ll do anything.”
“The dark guild? I see. That’s enough for them.”
Dark Guild Blue Rose, I had a memory of it. Although they were new, they were in a much bigger position than I was.
It was known that there was no law to fail in the work requested. There were rumors that they enjoyed killing, and the more money you gave, the less evidence they left.
“But how do you meet them? I heard it’s difficult to even ask.”
“Ho ho, I know how they do it.”
“Do you hate the Grand Duke that much?”
“How dare he insult the brother of a saint and the father of a prospective saint. Even I’m His Majesty’s father! Ignoring me is ignoring His Majesty! Such a cheeky bastard needs to nip in the bud.” (You will understand this later)
I tried to find out what he was going to do with Astein, but unfortunately, there was no more information available. So I carefully grabbed my trembling heart and returned to my room.
“What should I do?”
At the same time, I was worried, I felt guilty. It was all my fault.
I came to see him, and he had a problem with my father. I was greatly embarrassed because I didn’t realize it in the past.
༻✿༺
The red dawn spread in the night sky. I had finished preparing to go to the temple before the sun rose.
“Freya, are you going to the temple already?”
My father came out to see me off. My eyes almost shook at his sudden appearance, it had never happened before.
“Yes, I will go.”
“I hope you can restore the dignity of a saint as a child of Futor. You know you only got half a year left, right?”
Half a year, this was also time for me to get ready to run away.
“Yes, I will do my best.”
“Well, I prepared for the worst, but don’t forget that it’s important for you to regain your power.”
“….I will try.”
I got on a carriage that was a little better than yesterday. Only the appearance was better, but the rattling was still there. I headed to the temple with a trembling heart.
After arrived there, I only bowed to the saint. I had to pretend to pray as I promised to my father. I sat on my knees in my prayer room and held hands. After that, I raised my head and looked at the decoration of the ceiling.
Water-colored wings that resembled my hair color. I put my hands together and prayed earnestly.
“Please, don’t let me lose my precious people first.”
I prayed to God Thea again and again. He could take me, so I asked Him to save Astein.
As the end of the endless prayer, the sun had seeped from the ceiling. The stained glass on the ceiling glowed. When the blue wings shined brightly, I rose from my seat.
“Sir Solar, please ask the Saint if I can drink the tea together at the end of the morning prayer time.”
“Yes, I understand.”
Unlike when I came here in a hurry yesterday, my father put me on guard and escorted. After told him that, I quietly left the prayer room.
As I walked down the lilac tree, my heart made a loud sound. The sound was different from last night. I knew what this sound meant.
Excitement and expectation. I could meet Astein again.
“Why is he late?”
He left me waiting. What’s going on?
“Don’t tell me something has happened already?”
I shook my head at full strength. It would never happen. I leaned under the tree and closed my eyes to calm down.
The warm spring wind felt a little cool since yesterday afternoon. Wasn’t spring end yet?
Then, the warm spring sunlight reached my ear.
“It’s still cold. You wore too thin.”
And the warmth of Astein’s heart touched my shoulder. He put the robe he was wearing on my shoulder. His purple eyes were staring at me. Unlike yesterday, right now he’s staring with very warm eyes.
“I’m not the only one who’s cold. Sir Astein, no, Lord Dandelion will be cold too.”
“I was running, so I’m not cold at all.”
If I blushed, Astein would think strangely. So I bowed my head, without raising it. I was afraid if I looked at him I wouldn’t be able to stop my face from reddening.
“I’ll tell you quickly because there may be people watching. I found three women similar to the one you said.”
Fortunately, Astein didn’t know my strange condition and spoke as usual.
“But there are different parts of the information that you gave me, so you have to check first.”
“It’s hard for me to walk around except the temple.”
At my word, Astein’s forehead narrowed slightly. I felt guilty. I thought I was making him more trouble.
“Then I will bring them one by one. So Lady Freya would be comfortable.”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Then, I’ll leave…”
Astein turned away. I shouldn’t let him go like this. I couldn’t help but stretch my hand.
“Wait a minute.” I held him urgently. That caused his steps to stop.
However, unlike my urgent call, I hadn’t organized my thoughts yet. What should I warn him about?
Even if I was a prospective saint, would he believe me unconditionally? Before the reversion, he trusted me with everything, but…
“What is it?”
“That…”
I took a deep breath for a moment. Then I saw blue wings decorated everywhere. When I saw it, a lie naturally flowed from my mouth.
“God told me through my dream last night.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have to be careful with the Blue Rose. They’re trying to kill you.”