When the emperor went out, Estan followed him with the medicine bottle.
So came the silence again.
It is a long-cherished and desired rest. But it wasn’t comfortable.
As soon as the emperor went out, Jane and Celine came inside.
Those who came inside to take care of me. But I’ve never called them by name. No, I didn’t even call at all.
I felt no need to give a handful of hearts because I was the one to leave soon.
They came quietly as if they didn’t really want anything from me, helped me lie down and helped me sleep.
Thinking of it, I’m a damned human.
I wanted to die, but if I wanted to die that much and run around I’d be suffocated and i hated that.
I wanted to die quietly like sleeping in bed. I hated painful things, and I didn’t like to take my own life.
So I live day by day as if a “time-limited” is a funny thing.
And I, yesterday today and tomorrow, just eating helplessly for death.
But God probably didn’t want to give me that helpless death.
My life has changed completely since that day.
****
After that day the words that came of my mouth ‘just leave me alone, please get out ‘ .
The words of giving up on everything. The words ‘please don’t touch me ‘
But the emperor as if he’s ignoring my words, visited me day after day.
Arriving in the room today as well, he came by himself, sitting in a relaxed way and sighing deeply, even though I didn’t ask him to come.
His face, which looked around, became darker and darker. The Emperor, who looked at the sheet, the wall, and the bed I lay on, clicked his tongue.
“No matter how much I think about it, I don’t think this room is it.”
“……”
“It’s so dirty. How is this place in the palace? It’s just amazing. No one seems to even care. I’m going to get sick too if I’m here.”
That’s ridiculous.
I know this is somewhere in the palace. I heared it’s abandoned.
But no matter how you do, this is one of the imperial palaces where the emperor lives. But you didn’t know.
There could not be a fine sound coming out of my mouth.
“It’s a place where you’ve threw me, it’s more amazing”
“Threw? It’s ‘forget’! Forgot for a long time, not throw”2
That or that
Aren’t you tired of it ? It might be better to throw it away. Since I might remember what I abandon. If you forget like that, it seems like you erased the existence of me like an eraser in your head.
It seems I possessed the body of a kid whom nobody remembers.
I couldn’t make any rebuttal because he listed only absurd remarks.
That moment, he stood up from his seat hurriedly, as if he didn’t know if he can stand it any longer
“It can’t happen. I can’t stay any longer”
I could only laugh at his words. Tho I have been waiting here for so long. As expected, he couldn’t even stand it. Tho I have been living here with a sick body everyday.1
“Good thing. Then get out, i wanna rest”
no. Let’s move to another room. I have a place in the Imperial Palace , so I’ll go there.”
“I’m afraid I can’t move. Because of my body.”
“No. Rebellion is not allowed. Rossanne. This is not a place for the Emperor. So move it.
At these words, I waved my hand at the women who were about to come close.
What crazy saying.
If it’s not a place for you to be, then just leave.
You want to move this sick body to ease yourself?
You’re making my life hard again. Please.
I shook my head as best I could.
“I’m not going. I’m not ever going out of this room.”
“I don’t need an objection, even if you hate, we’ll leave “
I had to open my mouth to him, who thought that the reason not to go was purely a rebellion against him.
Well, that reason is right, but there is another one.
After all, I had to explain one by one why I couldn’t go to him, who was trying to move me right away.
“…..to someone who’s bones will freeze when the wind blows, to someone who feels like dying if he breaths an unusual air, who would feel down after waking up, to someone who faints if he breaths in a hurry, you say that ? “
I’ve been feeling better since I took the medicine Estan gave me for the last few days and slept well, but that’s all.
It’s not that I’m not sick.
Death is not far away.
I have talked to him without a break even though I knew it would be too much. I didn’t want to get out of this place so desperately.
But my thoughts and the emperor’s were different.
“It’s all because the environment here is not good. So your physical condition is nothing. I’ll hug you and go. Don’t let the cold wind blow.”
The emperor, who came as close as the words was finished, hugged me.
I was blinded by what happened at the moment.
It wasn’t my will, but the sudden movement is poison to me. Even though I’m judt hugged, my head seems to flutter to the floor.
“This is fine?”
“Aah..”
“What’s the matter?”
“Wait…”
It is a momentary twisting and wriggling feeling.
It’s dark in front of me, it’s tingling inside. In the meantime, he asked me a question and shook my body. I raised my hand in a hurry but it didn’t work.
”Where do you feel uncomfortable?”
”Not inconvenience, ······It doesn’t change if you carry me with you…cough cough “
The stomach calmed down somehow, but the problem was next.
As if the change of environment wasn’t enough, Because I was hugged by him, a cough burst out as the cold and cold air that was higher than usual entered my throat in an instant.
Cough cough cough
The room was filled with only my cough.
From the first day, I could hear the sighs of the maids as well as of Rosanne, who had been sorry for me.
A long time later, the cough didn’t calm. I was coughing so hard that I took a sip of warm water from a maid and calmed down.
I belatedly noticed that I was hugging him and coughing without a hand.
Already the white emperor’s clothes had little blood on them.
As my eyes turned to this place, his expression became serious.
I am more embarrassed than the stiff-faced emperor.
What am I supposed to say about this?
So why do you force people to move?
Nothing would have happened if you just let it go.
Blinking my eyes, unable to hide my nervousness, I looked at him.
But contrary to expectations, he was looking at me sadly.
“Is it all right?”
“…yes?”
” I thought your coughing were cured but it looks the same.”
“That’s why I told you not to lift me.. your clothes are ruined …That is…”
“The clothes don’t matter. But you really….”
“It’s because the air suddenly changed. I don’t feel this good. So… ..don’t even think about letting me out of here. Please, just leaving me alone is helping me.”
And don’t look at me with that kind of eye.
If you came a little later we wouldn’t have been able to face each other, after you said you’re gonna use me because you needed me, don’t put your heart into it. Poor look, sad look, like a real dad, like he’s lost his mind…. please don’t.
For a long time his eyes were sadly looking at me.
I hated it more. More than feeling sick. To get that kind of eyes.
I didn’t want to get that look, at least from him who abandoned this body and forgot it, from him who hinted at feelings of necessity.
When I looked at him uncomfortably, he said soothingly in a calmer voice.
“Then you can’t get up until you feel better and you have to stay here.”
“Even if I get better, I want it. The Silence of loneliness .”
“But that can’t be. Because you’re an odd bloom.”
“Please, I beg you. Please take back the words that say I’m an odd bloom. That’s why you care about me.”
If it wasn’t for that, I would have died without even seeing his face all my life. Please let me stay the way I used to be.
But in my words, his face became more and more hardened.
”Why do you think so?”
”What do you mean?”
”Why do you think I care about you because of the odd bloom? It’s the title I gave you. And I take you off. But to say I care about you because of it, of course it’s the person who has the power of the shin, but that power is useless unless it’s given by me”
I couldn’t understand what he meant. What is he, that he can name others and give them power .
When I made a look that I couldn’t understand, he once again emphasized.
“You are as good as the one I choose.”
“Then why….. are you doing this to me?”
There’s no reason. You care about me.
If you gave that name, you can take it back and give it to someone else.
He looked down as if he had not got a clear answer to the question.
“…who knows..maybe the god chose you.”
“God?”
“But God chose you. If I hadn’t wanted you, I wouldn’t have given you that name.”
an expressionless expression
Its not He didn’t have any emotions, but he didn’t show his emotions, so he hid his expression.
I also hid my intense feelings.
I feel like I’m being dragged in. I felt as if I had been overdoing things because I was so emotional.
When I’m with him, I feel as if my feelings were like dry firewood were thrown into a fire pit. I didn’t want to, but my mood got messed up.
After a deep sigh, my heart sank.
“Okay, I’d like you to leave. I don’t want to see that expression anymore. I want to rest. Please don’t come to me. I’m going to live here until the last minute.”
The purple eyes, which remained moist as if they contained precious jewels, soon closed.
“I see.”
Unlike before, he didn’t add anything.” It was amazing.
His eyes were very firm as if to do as I wanted.
Even the emperor was worried that I might feel burdened being held by him in a long time ago,he lay me on the bed, covered me with a blanket, and turned around.
°