Why do you look at me like that?
You having this expression is more weird.
Why ?
I was full of questions.
It’s like the eyes of a father who lost his beloved daughter. You shouldn’t make this expression to me. After leaving me, you didn’t even care weather I was sick or not. You didn’t even know I was here but because you needed me you said you’ll save me, but now that expression….
“Your body, how is your body?.”
“……”
That expression doesn’t suit you. I kept saying sharp things but, my voice didn T come out if my mouth.
“It’s fine if you don’t say. So don’t worry, I told the physician to come by so hell be here soon “
“There’s no need…of the physician”
“What do you mean no need? Aren’t you struggling now!”
“No. For me everything. Living is a struggle. In a quiet life like an intruder you and everybody body else invaded, y’all are making me struggle.”
His face hardened.
Perhaps my words were quite big, the emperor kept his mouth shut instead of answering.
In times like these ypu should talk strongly, right?
That’ll only sound like a shriek of a powerless time-limited body.
“Don’t think of doing anything to me. My life is a life that will be comfortable when I die. So find someone else.for that oddbloom thing.”1
The act of being friendly made me swim in my dream, so I felt more down as the time passing by.
If I wasn’t sick, if there was a way to not die. I’ll possibly accept their feelings and be happy.
I’d thankfully accept their reasonable kindness.
But to person who’s gonna die soon. These feeling, more than being thankful you’ll feel deception.
Everything is useless to me.
And at the end of the day, a cold, low voice flowed out of his mouth.
“It’s only for you.”
“Even though we don’t need the parties.”
“Your opinion doesn’t matter. Because mine is important. I’ll keep you by my side if you need me. Even if it’s a dying figure.”
“Later you’ll leave the dead body next to you”
“It’s fine, if it’s you. I wonder if it’s better not to say that if you’re a corpse “
Goddamn it.
Words don’t work.
Are you really going to let me go when I die and become a corpse?
No. It feels like you won’t leave me even then.
My lips trembled. The terrible obsession that someone had for me was not so good.
At that time. Someone rushed into the room as if to break the ice.
“Did you find it”
It was Es Thanh who rushed in with the door open. His face was as white as mine, with his forehead and pineal sweat as if he had run.
“Yes. Found it. The princess finds it hard to breathe. Why is this happening?”
“……That’s one of the things that happens intermittently because the princess’s overall condition is poor.”
“I didn’t call for you because I wanted to hear that.”1
“…yes?”
“Save with your name. Make sure She s healthy enough to walk, to prove you’re my daughter in front of all the people. To show you’re the one I chose”
“That..your majesty..”
There are things you can do, there are things you can’t.
I don’t know abput anything else, but it was too much for me to become healthy and show up in front of others. Feeling it as impossible as I am, Estan tried to shake his head.
But the emperor screamed without giving a little space.
“As soon as she vomits, I’ll pluck out your tongue and tell you to shut up.And once again, if the princess finds it hard to breathe, I’ll kill all the courtiers, starting with you who can’t cure her properly. If you kill them all, you cane save one good person, right?” ( I really didn’t understand him here :/ )1
“…..”
At the sound of the madman, Estan’s face grew more and more hardened.
I felt sorry for him who looked at me and looked sorry for me.
I’m not sick because I want to be sick, and I’m not doing it because I want to cough.
That man was ordered by a madman.
Instantly, Estan and my eyes met.
Contrary to my expectation that he would hate me because he was threatened by my life, and that he would not make the same face as before, he looked at my face and expressed regret.
I was so sorry that I couldn’t say anything to him because he was threatened for nothing because of me.
And after making eye contact with me for a moment, he smiled slightly and shook his head. He did not hate me, but showed a strong will to cure me.
“I’ll do my best.”
“It’s not a matter of doing your best. But To heal. And don’t tell anyone that Princess may die. We’ll have to make sure it doesn’t leak anywhere.You don’t need to say that because I’ll save her.
If I decide to do it, it’s possible.”
I looked around.tha is to estan coming in the maids stepped back so no one heared about my death.
But there’s an ambush called Ravelly, so there’s no way it won’t go viral.
No. What’s important, whether it’s rumored or not? In conclusion, I’m going to die.
I didn’t have to worry about that.
The only thing that comes into my mind is that I want the time to pass quickly.
If the Emperor next to me was no longer interested in me when I asked him to leave or stop.
I only thought of it.
After some time, the Emperor will stop the interest in me.
Who will pay attention to the dead?
Especially the emperor, if you just choose that oddblum or whatever from other dudes is enough.
In the meantime, Estan looked at me again.
While looking from place to place, he said soothingly in a softer voice than before.
“Are you afraid you couldn’t breathe this time?”
“…..yes”
“Hmm. Are the other symptoms the same?”
Instead of answering, I nodded weakly.
As if he had waited, Estan took the medicine bottle out of the bag he had brought.
“This is the medicine I made right after I examined her.”
“Is this medicine for sleeping like before?”
“Did you take it and get a good night’s sleep?”
“A little”
“I’ll make it stronger next time. It’s a pain-reducing medicine, so you’d better take it. Sleeping is just a little bit of healing. And even if it’s hard, you should eat when you don’t have pain. That way, you’ll be healthy.”
My face hardened by itself.
My figure, answering Estan’s words without thinking, seemed like someone with a stupid life.
Now someone is looking at me, giving me medicine and having vain hope. I laughed at my self thinking this way.
Struggling with pain.
When it hurts, please let me die.
Having settled my mind, I looked at him firmly.
“There’s no need.”
“Princess…”
“I said I want to die. I don’t want to live”
As his lips trembled nervously, he nodded.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I said something useless. From now on, I won’t say anything else. Instead, use only sleeping pills and pain-reducing medicine. Can you do that?”
I avoided his gaze.
I was afraid that I would keep having useless hope if I saw the medicine Estan gave me.
I bit my lips for fear that I might think I’d hold it in with the shallow belief that I could live. I just wanted to get the medicine out of my mouth right now.
That moment.
The emperor, who was looking at both of us, quietly got up from his seat.
I thought he was going so I looked at him.
“Titania. It’s the name was given by me when you were born. I didn’t know until now.”
“…….”
So you telling me you didn’t remember weather you gave me that name or not till now?.
I looked at him who said what he wanted to say out of the blue.
“Now I remember. I gave you that name. Exactly when you inside her tummy I gave you that name. When she first got you I said it to your mother. It’s like fate. It was then. Do you know what it means?”
There no way I know.
As if talking to himself and answering to himself, the emperor glanced slightly at me and made eye contact when I had no answer.
“Titania is the name of the first queen who reigned over all people. It was the empress who founded this empire. And the heavy name is your name. I’ve given meaning to your name. It can be used regardless of whether it is a boy or a girl. The name I gave you.”
I almost burst out laughing at the moment. No, it’s not funny.
I don’t care it’s first queen or whatever..that name you you gave me.
You didn T even know if I exist or not. To that daughter, you didnt care ever since birth, you gave her that name, this is ironic.
And there is my mother, whom I don’t know.
It’s really fun to think of titania as fate. Outrageous.
At that time, I met his eyes with a friendly voice.
Different kinds of emotions.
The feelings in me were bewilderment about this situation, and the feelings towards him were diffrent.
The gaze was uncomfortable.
“Why are you looking?”
There was no choice but to ask.
I looked at him blankly. And he was expecting that.
As soon as I found out that the feelings he showed me were expectations, I was almost irritated. Why do you expect that?
“I have high expectations for you.”
Expectations of someone who’s gonna die.
Does he want me to get up right away and say thank you for naming me? Or should I say I will live up to your expectations?
Both are meaningless to me.
I opened my eyes thinly with a cooler voice.
“Have expectations on someone who can live up to these expectations. Don’t do it to me”
“No, I’ll look forward to you”
“……”
“First of all, I’ll go today. I’ll be right back soon. Remember the meaning of your name. Titania. Oddbloom.”
Odd Bloom. Another nickname that no one says the meaning of.
I’d like to return it.
But when he had finished all he had to say, he turned around and went away.
His steps were busily moving, as if not to accept any kind of words I say.