“Riv, it’s autumn. Late autumn.”
Riv was puzzled.
“Is that why the garden is so desolate?”
“Riv, are your memories really gone? Can’t you remember?”
“Lionel, I have no problems with my body nor my memory.”
Lionel didn’t seem to believe Riv’s words.
He clasped her hands with impatience.
“Riv, you lost consciousness in a horse riding accident a week ago.”
Riv was puzzled.
She could ride a horse, but she was very clumsy. She would not have ridden a horse voluntarily.
“Did I ride a horse?”
“There was an accident when you rode your horse without a destination. The coachman followed you and found you, unconscious.”
This was news to Riv.
Riv didn’t like horseback riding. She disliked the swaying and shaking feeling of being in a saddle.
She only learned how to ride when she went to Mont Del, and even then she could barely ride a mule.
“Why? Was I being chased?”
Riv started thinking through different possibilities when she suddenly got a terrible headache.
“Ah!”
She held her head and moaned.
“Riv, Riv?”
Lionel hurriedly embraced Riv and clicked his tongue.
“I told you not to overdo it.”
Riv pressed her forehead to suppress her headache.
At the same time, her mind raced desperately.
This was all too strange to be a dream. What if it was real?
“Call the doctor!”
Riv’s body gradually fell forward.
Her vision was fuzzy and she couldn’t see properly. Lionel’s voice became urgent.
“Rambaud! Emilia!”
Riv could hear running footsteps and loud discussions, and for a moment she was so dizzy that she couldn’t see anything.
She felt alone, in the dark.
“L-Lionel! Lionel!”
She became so terrified that her body shook. Lionel grabbed her hands.
“Riv, calm down. I’m here.”
“Lionel, haa.”
“Don’t think about it and clear your head. Take slow deep breaths.”
Riv gripped Lionel’s hand and followed his instructions.
When her panicked breathing returned to normal, she could see again.
She appeared to have had a blackout.
“Relax, Riv. I’ll always be by your side.”
Lionel gave Riv a kiss on the back of her hand.
His lips were dry, yet hot.
“Riv, breathe.”
“Yes.”
The doctors gave Riv a relaxant. She took the pill and fell asleep.
***
When Riv woke up from her nap, she was still in the Duchess’ room.
Thankfully, she was alone. Riv’s headache was gone, so she got out of bed and headed to the window.
“Haa.”
The scenery outside was bleak. The trees were beautiful autumn colors.
“It wasn’t winter when I disappeared.”
A small headache erupted in her head as she tried to recall her memories. She suddenly realized something.
“Is my memory disappearing?”
Riv hurried back into bed when she heard someone walking towards her room.
It was Claudel. She was surprised that Riv was awake.
“Madame, we’re worried about you. You must not overdo it. Okay?”
Claudel’s tone was more desperate than usual. Her worries felt like overkill.
Even if the horse accident Lionel mentioned was real, her body was not broken.
“When did I overdo it? I just want to get out of this room.”
“It’s good to lie down. For the sake of your body and your baby.”
“Baby?”
Riv tilted her head. Her mind went blank at the strange word. Claudel explained.
“Madame is with child.”
“With child? What?”
“I didn’t want to tell you like this. The doctors found out when they examined you.”
“…Pregnant?”
“That’s right.”
It was something she had never even imagined.
If she was pregnant when she disappeared, was it possible that she came back still pregnant? Did she even die and come back in the first place?
The moment she heard that she was pregnant, a strange change occurred. Memories which Riv had not experienced began to fill her mind.
She was in them, but they were strange things she had never done before.
Riv was revived, and she became the Duchess. The moment she depleted her magic, she disappeared in front of Lionel.
But she pushed those memories away and new ones filled her head. As new memories were injected, the memories related to magic and witches were erased. Her mind was filled with fond memories of her and Lionel.
There were stories that Riv couldn’t remember. They were her and Lionel’s stories, but it was like they were someone else’s.
‘I’m really forgetting.’
Riv was anxious that she would lose all her memories of being a witch once she fell asleep.
“Ah.”
She knew at that moment that she could no longer handle magic.
‘I can’t feel magic anymore. I’ve become a normal person.’
Riv struggled to recall her past.
“Claudel, could you bring me a pen and paper?”
Claudel quickly brought her a quill, ink, and paper.
Riv propped her torso up in bed and tried to write down her memories.
For a moment, she couldn’t think of anything.
“What?”
Riv’s memory came back after a few minutes.
She quickly sorted through the fragments that were floating in her mind.
After a while she forgot what she was going to write, and it became difficult for her to grasp the meaning of what she had already written.
‘Why?’
Everything was gone. From being murdered by Princess Marianne, to going back in time, to her marriage.
‘What is this?’
Riv didn’t want to admit that her memory was being lost.
At this rate, after an hour or two, she would forget that she was even a witch.
She was about to change her clothes and visit Lionel. Seeing Riv’s anxious expression, Claudel continued to worry.
“Madame, please calm down.”
“Call Lionel. Right now.”
If it was true that her memory was fading, she had no time to hesitate. Claudel hurriedly summoned Lionel, who had been working in his office.
“Why, Riv? I told you to rest.”
Lionel ran over at once.
The maids had barely managed to calm Riv down and sit her down on the bed. Lionel comforted Riv, trying to reassure her.
“Riv, what’s wrong?”
“I was scared because Lionel wasn’t here.”
“No one will harm you here. I was just doing urgent work in my office.”
“I know.”
Riv felt possessed. Even at that very moment, her memories were disappearing, so there was no time to waste.
She thought she was crazy, too, but she would never be able to tell this story if not now.
“L-Lionel, what would you do if I were a witch?”
“What do you mean?”
Riv stroked her hair. Her head was a mess, like tangled thread.
“I was a witch, and I was killed, so I did something to undo that death. Maybe I used magic. I changed my fate and came to you, then I died and disappeared. I think that’s where we are now. My memories are a mess.”
“I don’t understand what you’re saying at all.”
Even Riv had reached a point where she did not understand her own words.
“It is true that my memories are disappearing. The more I try to remember, the faster it disappears. Maybe the magic is fading quickly.”
“Riv, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
But Lionel never said she was crazy.
“Riv, what are you afraid of?”
“Not being by your side.”
Lionel whispered as he took Riv into his arms.
“Are you afraid of disappearing?”
Riv nodded her head eagerly.
“I don’t want to disappear. I don’t want to die. I want to be by your side.”
There was only one thing holding Riv here. Lionel. She wanted to be with him.
It was more upsetting for her to be separated from Lionel than for her memories to disappear.
Lionel rubbed her back, seemingly sympathetic to her desperate feelings.
Riv buried her face deep in his arms. Lionel’s regular heartbeat gave her comfort.
“I don’t know what magic my wife is talking about. But I am here with you.”
Riv lifted her head.
His hands were hot, giving Riv a sense of reality.
It was a warmth that could not be experienced in the void after death.
Riv realized that she was alive.
This was not a dream.
She gently pulled away from Lionel and stared at his face.
“L-Lionel, am I here? Is this real?”
“Yes.”
“Lionel, I love you.”
It was okay if he called her crazy. It was a confession that she knew she had to make.
At Riv’s desperate confession, Lionel sighed and embraced her.
“Don’t be confused. I’m by your side.”
Lionel struggled to lay Riv down in bed.
She did as he instructed, too exhausted to fight back.
She didn’t even have the strength to lift a hand.
Lionel knelt beside her and gently stroked her face.
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“Don’t drive me crazy again, Riv.”
***