Chapter 51: playing only, soldier’s nature
(Part 1)
“We are adults! So just playing around only, don’t need to take it so seriously!” Qin Shuhan said with a laugh.
“Play…playing only?” Lu Anwei was shocked, unable to believe his ears.
“Hmpf! What were you thinking? Qin Shuhan crossed her arms and looked towards Lu Anwei. “It can’t be you were thinking that I’ll start a relationship with you?”
“…..” That’s right, he had indeed assumed this, but seeing Qin Shuhan’s sneering expression, Lu Anwei’s chest hurt painfully like he had just been forcefully punched a few times.
“Even if we’re together, there won’t be an ending for us.” Qin Shuhan rang out indifferently. She loved this man in front of her very deeply, but this man does not love her ah! So, what was the point of them trying to be together forcefully? What was she supposed to do if Lu Anwei meets his true love later on? Back down for the worthier person? Leave pathetically? Perhaps she is still able to leave now, but what about when she really reaches the point where she is unable to leave him? Was she going to wilfully and selfishly bind him to her side? If she does that, wouldn’t she turn into the type of woman she hates the most?
“This is also the matter I want to talk to you about today.” Lu Anwei still wanted to discuss with Qin Shuhan. He loved her and did not want to leave her. He still wished to be honest with her about his identity and try, it might be possible she would change her mind. No matter if there is only 1% chance, if Qin Shuhan really has feelings for him….
“….” Qin Shuhan could seemingly hear the sound of her heart shattering. That’s right, he already knew from the beginning that it was not possible for both of them to have an ending right! Qin Shuhan callously said, “There is nothing for us to discuss! What is there to talk about! Leave!”
“Shuhan, I’ll be good to you if you’re together with me!” Lu Anwei gazed at Qin Shuhan, it was only last night that both of them were so lovey-dovey ah! He does not believe that everything from last night was only playing, he does not believe that Qin Shuhan would be this kind of heartless woman. She took the initiative to match with him, and also today’s bedsheet….she was not that kind of easy woman who played around ah!
“Stop it!” Qin Shuhan really despise Lu Anwei’s kindness. Was it that even if he does not love her, he can still fulfil his duty by taking responsibility? Qin Shuhan clenched her teeth and said the most spiteful words in her whole life, “You are only a bodyguard ah! I won’t even know if you die someday, are you able to give me a stable life? It’s fine just playing around, do I have to put in my whole life as well?
“…..” Hearing Qin Shuhan’s words, Lu Anwei went totally silent. This was his most painful and inferior point. A man just like him would indeed be unable to promise the woman he loves the most that he can give her a stable life! He loved reading romantic novels, and was envious of the male protagonist in the novels. They could protect their woman for their whole life, these are all close to what he wished for so wildly….
In Lu family’s courtyard, he unintentionally caught the sight of Qin Shuhan in Lu Anran’s room. She was standing next to the window and when the translucent white curtains blows upwards by the gentle breeze, her hair would also flutter up… Just like water in the pond sent into ripples when swept by a gust of wind. The ripples gradually move outwards becoming bigger and bigger, gently and shallowly, but still very beautiful, so beautiful until it led him to feel that this woman was the one who he wanted to protect for a lifetime, so beautiful until it led him to forget his identity, forget his duty….
But reality mercilessly gave him a slap in the face, and with a poker face Lu Anwei left Qin Shuhan’s house.
Watching Lu Anwei’s figure gradually receding from her doorway, Qin Shuhan could no longer control her feelings and broke down crying at the dining table. Why was it like this? She knew that she hurt his heart, but if it was not like this, she might become greedier and greedier as time passes, and would not be so simple like now….
Before, she never believed in falling in love at first sight, but from the day she met Lu Anwei, she started believing;
Before, he did not dare to fall in love, but after catching a glimpse of her that afternoon, he selfishly thought that he can love someone……
Yet, the harsh reality has forcefully broken all of their fantasies.
Lu Anwei did not know how he returned to the Lu house, and how he entered his room, only that when he snapped out of his thoughts he was already lying on his own bed, the sky outside of his window has been stained red by the setting sun, and his pillowcase has unknowingly turned soaking wet….
There was an instant where he really thought that Qin Shuhan loved him and had even planned out their life after marriage…. but everything has just been his wishful thinking.
Chapter 51: playing only, soldier’s nature
(Part 2)
“Dang dang dang” 3 knocks sounded at the door and from outside came Ji Rou’s voice, “Anwei? Are… are you alright?” The moment she came home she heard that Lu Anwei has shut himself into the room when he came back and did not come out for the whole day, causing Ji Rou and Lu Anran to feel a little worried.
After a long while there was no reply from inside the room, and Lu Anran also knocked on the door, “Brother Anwei, are you alright!”
Replying them was only a long silence….
Ji Rou and Lu Anran look at each other and saw a trace of worry in each other eyes, but no matter how much they knocked, Lu Anwei never opened his door or replied them, making them really worried.
After about 3 minutes, Lu Anwei’s voice came out from inside the room, “I’m fine! I want to be alone.”
Lu Anran and Ji Rou could only turn a blind eye and shook their head as they left their position in front of Lu Anwei’s door. They just assumed that Lu Anwei might have quarrelled with Qin Shuhan, that’s why he shut himself in his room and did not want to eat anything, so they could only shrug their shoulders and leave. It is no use for outsiders like them to give advice on other couple’s fight, they should be fine after 2-3 days.
But the matter was more serious than they thought. After 3 whole days, Lu Anwei did not step a foot outside of his room and did not touch any of the food the maids put outside his room. The matter seemed very serious, and both Lu Anran and her mother could only appear in front of Lu Anwei’s room once more, “Anwei? You haven’t come out for 3 days already! Are you okay?”
“Brother Anwei! We’re all very worried about you, can you come out?” Lu Anran urged, but not a single sound could be heard from the room. Feeling at loss, Lu Anran’s eyes spun and suddenly shouted in a loud voice, “Teacher Qin? Why’re you here?”
As expected, the moment Lu Anran’s resounded, Lu Anwei hastily rushed out of his room. It was only then that Lu Anran saw Lu Anwei who has disappeared for a whole 3 days. His hair was in a mess, eyes red and swollen, unshaved beard, his overall appearance looking very scruffy and dishevelled.
Looking around anxiously, Lu Anwei realised that Lu Anran tricked him. Turning back to look dazedly at Lu Anran, Lu Anwei opened and shut his mouth but did not know what to say, he has never been good at expressing himself outwardly since young.
“Brother Anwei, do you know how worried we are about you?” Lu Anran felt so angry, anxious and distressed when she caught the sight of Lu Anwei. “Aren’t you here to protect me? How can you protect me when you are like this?” Lu Anran whipped out her phone, pointed it towards Lu Anwei’s face and took a photo. She showed the photo to Lu Anwei to see, “Look at yourself, is this still you?”
“…..” Seeing the picture of himself, Lu Anwei felt like he was looking at a stranger. When has he ever been like this?
“Let’s not count the day you stayed out all night. The moment you came home, you locked yourself in the room for 3 whole days and don’t even show your face!” Lu Anran said with an exasperated face. At first when Lu Anwei did not come home until the next morning, Lu Anran was quite happy and felt that the matter between them was a done deal, but who knew that there would this kind of ending once he came home ah!
“Anwei…. did you fight with Teacher Qin?” Ji Rou worriedly looked at Lu Anwei, his current condition was quite terrible.
“She said….” Lu Anwei’s voice grated out unpleasantly, “She said she was only playing with me…”
“Hah?” Lu Anran was stunned for a moment and directly denied that reason, “Teacher Qin is definitely not this kind of person!”
He also does not believe that Qin Shuhan was this kind of woman ah! But that is what Qin Shuhan said ah! How can it be a lie when she said it herself? Up to now, he could still remember Qin Shuhan’s tone and expression, and his chest would throb painfully with every breathe he takes.
“I also feel that Teacher Qin is not the kind of person to say all these!” Ji Rou said resolutely, although she has only met Qin Shuhan a few times, but Ji Rou could clearly tell that Qin Shuhan was definitely not the type of woman to casually play around.
“Brother Anwei, are you really certain that, that was what she meant? And not that you did something wrong, or led her to misunderstand something?” Lu Anran suggested. “Did you clearly tell her your opinion?”
Opinion? He did say that he wants them to be together and had even promised that he would be good to her in the future ah! Was that not enough?
Seeing Lu Anwei’s current expression, Lu Anran knew that Lu Anwei did not properly confess his feelings, but this should not be that big of a problem right?
But at the moment Qin Shuhan has already left for Greece and it would be a few months before she comes back ah! Lu Anran tiptoed, patted Lu Anwei’s shoulder and said, “Brother Anwei, believe me, I’m sure there is some sort of misunderstanding between both of you!”
Misunderstanding? Lu Anwei clenched his hands into a fist, but everything Qin Shuhan said was true. He could not give a woman a simple and stable life, he was really afraid, afraid that one day he would disappear without any trace just like Lu Junhao. If that really happened, Qin Shuhan would be too pitiful…. Thinking about this, Lu Anwei cowered. Indeed, he was really not suited to love someone, the word love to him was too luxurious!
Looking at Lu Anwei’s expression, Lu Anran helplessly shook her head. “Brother Anwei, I know that you’re probably not in a very good mood now! But you haven’t forgotten your mission right!”
At the mention of his mission, Lu Anwei shined with vitality and gazed towards Lu Anran with a solemn expression, somewhat returning to his previous demeanour.
“I want to go out tomorrow morning. You and Anhu will need to protect me.” Lu Anran looked into Lu Anwei’s eyes and said, “it might be very exhausting tomorrow, so go and eat something first and then take a nice shower, your beard…don’t bother shaving it.” Lu Anwei who used to look very manly now has a different feeling with a beard.
“Ok!” Lu Anwei nodded in agreement, his depression has been cleanly washed away. After all he was a soldier, and have his own nature. So, in face of a mission, he would have to put away all of his tiredness and broken-hearted feelings.
Seeing Lu Anwei reinvigorated, Lu Anran smiled with satisfaction.