Chapter 55
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[Lexus] “Shall we take a walk?”
Once they were done with their meal, Valentia nodded at Lexus’ suggestion. They walked together, Valentia taking step after step while being led by Lexus, holding onto his arm as he escorted her very naturally.
Flowing through the cool breeze was the sound of the dry leaves, cracking under their feet. As they walked side by side, Goldie walked ahead of them, his golden tail waving wildly.
And the best part for him was that they were on private property today, so he could run freely back and forth with no leash keeping him tethered.
[Lexus] “Let go for a second.”
[Valentia] “Oh, very well.”
[Lexus] “Don’t look too sad, we can hold hands again soon.”
[Valentia] “What are you talking about?”
When she responded coldly, Lexus burst into laughter.
He took a handkerchief out of his pocket, rolling it and clumping it together in his hands before giving a wide throw and casting it into the air.
Immediately, Goldie ran out with excitement in his step, taking the handkerchief in his mouth and bringing it back. Lexus pet Goldie’s head before repeating the same steps.
Maybe it was just her imagination, but the scene somehow felt very familiar.
[Goldie] “Bark, bark—!”
Goldie’s barking was very loud and deep. He seemed very mature earlier, but his barking and bigger size were the only thing that made him seem like an adult. Truthfully, he was still very much a playful puppy.
She never thought a dog could express his feelings with his face like that, but even the indifferent Valentia could tell that Goldie was very happy right now.
But she was glad. If it were her, she never would’ve been able to take care of Goldie like this.
He said she was Goldie’s owner, but she truthfully never felt like that. She never really gave him much love, only ever occasionally sparing him some food when she could. Why did he even love her as much as he did?
Ironically, Goldie was the only one who loved her more than anyone else. Even the man she’d fallen in love with approached her with the intent of lying and betraying her.
[Lexus] “Goldie?”
Lexus called out Goldie’s name with a question in his tone.
Goldie brought him the handkerchief, but then walked straight past him with no intent of waiting for him to throw it again. With determined steps, he trudged up to Valentia, his head tilting like he thought something was strange.
Then, he closed the distance as he rested his snout on her stomach, looking up at her with loving eyes.
Does….Goldie know something? That can’t be possible.
Valentia stroked Goldie’s head, shaking away that useless thought. And like his earlier intuition was a farce, he returned to the baby he was, lying on the ground and showing off his belly.
[Valentia] “Lexus.”
[Lexus] “Yes?”
[Valentia] “What would you do if someone told you they were pregnant with your child right now?”
Valentia kept her eyes completely fixed on Goldie, unable to look up and face Lexus’ expression. She wasn’t confident enough to look at what kind of face he was making.
He didn’t say anything back immediately, and that short moment of silence felt agonizingly short. When he let out a short exhale, Valentia flinched.
[Lexus] “Today is a very strange day.”
[Valentia] “Is that so?”
[Lexus] “Why are you bringing this up? I’d rather not hear you talk about that.”
Did he hate it because it was coming from her, or was it the very idea that he hated?
[Valentia] “Why is that?”
[Lexus] “I don’t even want to imagine someone else being pregnant with my kid.”
Thud—
Her heart sank. Even his voice carried with it a strong sense of irritation. Whenever she was with Lexus before, this was an emotion she never felt from him, so now that it was here, she couldn’t avoid noticing it.
But she couldn’t tell if his affectionate act was so perfect that she didn’t notice it until now, or that this problem was so troublesome to him that it was enough to completely shatter the smoke screen he had created.
All Valentia knew was that this was the last tightrope she had left to walk on, and it snapped before she could even take a step.
Valentia’s hand trembled as she pet Goldie’s fur, but this dog was the only one who noticed it. Goldie sat up and rubbed his face on her cheek, and Valentia quietly bit her lip, swallowing back her emotions.
[Lexus] “Should we go back now?”
[Valentia] “Yes.”
[Lexus] “Get up, Goldie. We’re going.”
Like he understood, Goldie stood up and shook the fallen leaves from his body, sending them into the air. Goldie walked alongside Valentia like he was escorting her, but every so often, he’d tilt his head back, right near her stomach.
You know, don’t you?
Somehow, Valentia knew Goldie had already become aware of the small life in her stomach. She didn’t know how he could be so perceptive, but that just made this feel all the more strange.
The doctor threw out the casual comment that a quick decision would be for the best, and Valentia herself decided that getting rid of it sooner rather than later would be better. But Goldie had noticed this new presence within her, and was both happy and worried for her.
Worried for this child who was unwanted, and whose existence was not celebrated by anyone before they were even born.
[Lexus] “Is it because he hasn’t seen you for a while? He seems awfully clingy with you today.”
In this place, this man was the only one who did not know of this existence in her womb, and he would never know.
Goldie looked up at her. His eyes were shaking, like he was trying to talk—I will protect this baby. Just as you have protected me, he seemed to say.
I’m so sorry, Goldie.
Valentia pet Goldie’s head.
I don’t know if I can do it.
She couldn’t even take care of herself, and she couldn’t save herself from her own situation. Her place in life was so dubious that she couldn’t even take responsibility for a puppy who’d lost his mother.
And life wanted to add a baby into that? She would have to give up so much just to give birth.
All those plans for the future would disappear.
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They would be born as a child whose father would never admit his parentage. They would earn gazes of suspicion, judgment, and contempt wherever they went, just as she had.
It would be for everyone’s sake just to deal with it and pretend it never happened without anyone ever knowing about it.
But Valentia was still uncertain.
And what she didn’t realize was that those who continually question what they want, as if trying to convince themselves otherwise or find reasons to the contrary, will never be able to surrender to what they believe to be the best choice.
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Lexus looked down at Valentia as she silently walked next to him.
Her expression gave away none of her thoughts. And maybe it was just his imagination, but she seemed weirdly uneasy right now, though outwardly she didn’t seem any different from usual. On the other hand, Goldie, who was walking by her side, seemed very excited.
Lexus didn’t mean to tell her about his secret. Honestly, why the hell did he say that? It was something he was supposed to never say out loud to another.
To be perfectly exact, it wasn’t infertility, but it was true that he couldn’t get just anyone pregnant.
The Imperial family had this unique little quirk. Some might call it an ability, but honestly, it was pretty useless for their ancestry. It was a bizarre trait, making it so that children were impossible for anyone of their blood who lacked a heart.
In that sense, Lexus was kind of infertile.
[Valentia] ’What would you do if someone told you they were pregnant with your child right now?’
And so it was the worst every time some woman would come up to him, claiming they were pregnant with his child. Even if Valentia was the one bringing it up, he didn’t really want to think about it.
She would definitely leave him without turning back if something like that happened again.
Though, obviously the reality of his life was that no one would ever bear his children, but even the idea of it felt offensive. This damned curse was one that did not allow anyone of their blood who was incapable of feeling ‘love’ to have children.
And while it was true that Lexus was fond of Valentia, he never really gave it any thought as to whether or not that feeling was strong enough to have a child.
But now that he was thinking about it—
If I had managed to get her pregnant, would I be able to chain this woman to me?
The second the thought entered his head, Lexus was physically taken aback.
I am the worst man alive.
These were thoughts that he was only discovering because of Valentia’s question, but he was also discovering just how incredibly insane they were.
He already knew he was a downright rotten person. Actually, in the eyes of women, he was probably closer to the worst villain alive, but this was the first time he was being made to confront just how low he could stoop.
But if children were possible…
He really didn’t like kids and he really didn’t like the idea of other women carrying his, but if it was this woman, imagining her pregnant with his child; somehow that felt pretty okay.
Just like she did with Goldie, she’d probably pretend to be all strict with the kid while secretly loving them with everything she had. It felt a bit strange to imagine, but it wasn’t a bad look. Actually, he quite liked thinking about that.
This train of thought is ridiculous.
Lexus forced away his messy thoughts, turning to Valentia.
[Lexus] “Is something troubling you?”
[Valentia] “What makes you think that?”
[Lexus] “Uh, well, I don’t know. Maybe it’s just a feeling?”
[Valentia] “I feel fine.”
Goldie whined, weirdly tilting his snout towards Valentia’s stomach.
[Lexus] “Is it difficult for you to talk about it with me?”
[Valentia] “I’ve just been thinking about my future.”
[Lexus] “Your future?”
[Valentia] “Like how I want to live going forward. Things like that.”
That wasn’t the kind of conversation topic a noblewoman would bring up. Did this have something to do with her earlier topic of a child? But as the conversation continued, the rising image that came to his mind of both Valentia and a child was completely erased.
[Lexus] “Didn’t you say you wanted to become the chief admin of the Imperial Palace?”
[Valentia] “Yes. You remember.”
[Lexus] “Is there any problem with that?”
[Valentia] “I don’t think it’s going to work out.”
[Lexus] “That’s a little unexpected to hear. I didn’t think you’d worry about that sort of thing.”
[Valentia] “I worry plenty.”
[Lexus] “But who could possibly do it if not the top student at the Academy? I know you can do it.”
[Valentia] “Thank you for saying that.”
To Lexus, Valentia seemed like someone who had everything under control, who faced no difficulties when it came to things that needed to get done.
But she still managed to surprise him, worrying about things like this.
[Lexus] “Besides, you have an all-access key on your side.”
[Valentia] “All-access key?”
[Lexus] “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten who I am.”
[Valentia] “Oh. Ha…haha!”
She immediately understood his meaning—insinuating he would not hesitate to wield his power for her if she couldn’t make it on her own, and that was when Valentia gave a rare and loud laugh.
Lexus watched that face as if he were a man possessed. In truth, he meant that mostly as a joke, but if it meant seeing more of that face, he would bring down the hammer on whoever he had to.
And something like that was completely out of character for her, so of course he’d be a little stunned.
But she was laughing. Valentia was laughing, just like that.
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If it’s for you, how could I not?
One time during a lecture, Lexus heard the story of a tyrant king in distant land who once tore apart an expensive and extremely valuable bolt of cloth, just to see a smile upon the face of the woman he cherished.
At the time, Lexus openly ridiculed him. He taunted him, calling him a fool and an idiot for being swayed by a woman and the mere sight of her smile.
But right now, he could no longer mock him.
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