Chapter 53
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The farther she got from the lecture hall, the faster her steps became.
In retrospect, people stopped calling her that mocking nickname, ‘The Iron Maiden’ shortly after she started becoming close with Lexus. Perhaps he planned that, calculating it all in accordance with his little game.
But at least that meant Valentia had nothing left to worry about. There was no need to carry any lingering feelings for the child now inside of her.
This child was conceived because a man was playing with her, so ridding herself of it was a sound decision. Talking to such a man would serve no purpose, and if it was for the sake of her future, this child needed to go.
[Valentia] “I’m such an idiot.”
Like a fool, she was.
She blindly took every kindness as being real. For her, who had no experience, that man was her first for everything, and she had no way of knowing what was sincere and what wasn’t.
But how could she not feel love? When he spoke to her with that voice and looked at her with those eyes, how could she not feel something in return?
If he managed to ensnare all the women he’d been with like that, then he truly was the worst man alive.
How could they not love him?
How could they not feel anything for such a lovely man?
But though her heart was torn asunder by this betrayal, her mind was still cold and focused. Valentia knew now what she needed to do, returning to the same clinic from before.
She did not have the same fickle nerves as when she first arrived, unable to overcome her fear and confusion. This time, she passed through the entrance without pause.
It wasn’t late, but the doctor still looked very tired.
[Doctor] “Have you made your decision?”
The doctor glanced up at Valentia’s face, his voice not showing any sign of true care towards her circumstances.
[Valentia] “Yes.”
[Doctor] “And? What will you do?”
Her mind thought to tell him she would get rid of it, but her mouth couldn’t keep up as she fell into silence for a moment. Without realizing it, she once more touched her completely flat stomach. She was told there was a baby here, but the reality was still far from her grasp.
Aside from feeling a little sick during her meal, she hadn’t thrown up yet. And from what she learned, at this stage, her ‘baby’ couldn’t really be called a baby right now. It was only a bundle of cells, the size of her finger without a human form.
And yet, she felt a little strange about this. Gnawing at her was this weird feeling that she shouldn’t do this, and that if she did, she might end up regretting things.
[Valentia] “What do I need to do to stop this?”
[Doctor] “Before three months, take the prescribed medicine, and it will be solved safely and cleanly. It’s just like when you menstruate, and before you know it, it’ll all be over.”
[Valentia] “And if I wait longer than that?”
[Doctor] “You’ll start to show, and the burden on your body will be great. The longer you wait past this grace period, the harder it will be.”
[Valentia] “Then, I’ll take the medicine.”
Badum—
Why did it feel like she said something she shouldn’t have?
[Doctor] “The medicine is a bit dangerous, so I don’t have any in store at the moment. You’ll need to take it in front of me, and you’ll be checked into the clinic so we can monitor your condition.”
The drug he was talking about was one that was meant to forcibly stop a pregnancy. If it were to get into the wrong hands, it could easily be used for nefarious purposes, so it was necessary to keep it under careful lock and key.
[Valentia] “When can I get it?”
[Doctor] “Two weeks should be enough to get some made. You can come back then.”
Hearing that made her feel a bit better. That would be right after the exams, and once they were finished, so too would her time at the Academy.
She didn’t think much of what the future held, nor did she carry any particular expectations for it, but she didn’t think their time spent together would end like this in all ways.
Right now, the time to officially part ways with that man was fast approaching.
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Before she knew it, two weeks had passed.
The final examinations were completely over.
Her condition had never been worse, and she couldn’t study even a little bit, so she had no idea how her results would go this time. But even if she were to go back in time, it was doubtful she could get any more prep done than she already did.
[Lexus] “Valentia.”
No person in her life called her name with such kindness and tenderness. It was hard to believe even this was being faked. If she hadn’t heard the truth with her own ears and someone tried to tell her that he was fooling her, she would’ve ignored them, passing their claims off as idle gossip.
Valentia did her best to calm the beating of her heart, but to no avail.
[Lexus] “Long time no see.”
Those gently arched eyes of his were no different. She searched and searched for the lies in his expression, but she could not find any.
Whether it was before she knew the truth, or even after, there was no difference in his behavior. But now that she knew, everything felt like a lie. She couldn’t trust anything about him.
Valentia clenched her fist, her small hand trembling. it was taking everything she had not to hit him again.
And it wasn’t because she found him still lovable. It was to avoid letting him know she knew about his little game. She didn’t want him to know how hurt she was by his lies.
She wondered, how happy would he be knowing how he’d hurt her? How much fun would he think this whole game was?
[Valentia] “It hasn’t been that long.”
[Lexus] “We haven’t seen each other in over two weeks.”
And that time was nothing but pain and suffering for her. But for him….was he disappointed in the same way a child would be when having their toys taken? Or did he await that time in pleasure for when he may next poke at her?
[Lexus] “Did you do well on your exams?”
[Valentia] “I did.”
[Lexus] “Then you must’ve worked hard. I guess it was worth dealing with how much I missed you.”
Every word he said was now laced with suspicion. Was that the truth? A lie? Though honestly, she didn’t have to put that much thought into it to know which it was.
She was so tired of herself—tired of the self who kept hoping and expecting for crumbs, despite knowing that nothing he said was true. Love and all the feelings that came with it had turned her into a fool.
[Lexus] “There was somewhere I wanted to go with you when we reunited. Will you come with me?”
[Valentia] “Where?”
[Lexus] “It’s a little far, but I’ll be able to get you home by the end of the day.”
Why did his lies have to be so soft and sweet? How could this level of warmth be faked so easily? What kind of painful betrayal was he intent on putting her through?
And would he be shocked to know she already knew about it?
She knew she needed to say no. She didn’t want to play like this anymore. She wanted him to stay away from her and to keep her distance from him.
[Valentia] “I’d like that.”
But despite her rationality, the words that ended up leaving her mouth were the complete opposite. Even Valentia couldn’t understand what compelled her to say yes, but she didn’t want to take those words back.
Why do I do this to myself?
She could not explain this contradiction. She hated him and resented him, but she could not say no. Even now, she wished she could slap that face of his while he pretended to be ignorant with an audacious smile on his face, so why couldn’t she say no?
[Lexus] “That’s a relief. Shall we set off?”
Lexus reached out his hand, and Valentia put her hand on top of it. She just convinced herself she needed to act like this; all so she wouldn’t be caught knowing about his farce.
The carriage he had prepared left the capital at a slow pace. With her nerves crawling up her throat, Valentia felt it burn, her fingertips tingling as she swallowed harshly.
[Lexus] “Are you thirsty? Do you want something to drink?”
[Valentia] “Do you have anything?”
[Lexus] “I prepared a little something.”
He turned and raised up one of the armrests, revealing beneath the frame what looked to be a hidden space, filled with ice and premade bottles of water.
[Valentia] “Is something like this common in carriages these days?”
[Lexus] “Whenever people invent new things, oftentimes they show it to the Imperial family first and foremost in an attempt to gain investments.”
Valentia took the water, feeling the cooling sensation pass through her.
[Valentia] “That’s amazing. I didn’t think something like this was possible.”
Something fierce stung in her chest. Was it because she drank the cold water too quickly? Or perhaps the kindness he was showing her now was just a painful thing.
Valentia looked out the window, pressing down on her stomach like she could feel that bitter water threatening to come back up.
[Lexus] “Are you angry?”
[Valentia] “Sorry? What makes you ask that?”
[Lexus] “You don’t look too happy.”
[Valentia] “…….Do I look troubled?”
[Lexus] “Yes. Is something wrong?”
The fact that he was able to recognize her mood just by looking at her expression troubled Valentia. His efforts to seem caring and attentive only served to show her how meticulous he was, intent on deceiving her right until the very end.
Though she knew it to be a lie, it still felt very sincere.
But that was just because of her own feelings. A foolish emotion that compelled her to hope beyond all hope that these lies of his were how he truly felt.
[Valentia] “No. Nothing’s wrong.”
[Lexus] “Can’t you tell me?”
She really wanted to ask. Was it all truly a lie? But she knew she could not ask because she would never be able to hear the answer she wanted.
It was a pointless and meaningless question to ask in the first place.
And so, rather than the truth, Valentia gave an easy to accept answer.
[Valentia] “I don’t think I did very well on the exams.”
[Lexus] “That’s not possible for you. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
[Valentia] “Where are we going?”
[Lexus] “It’s nowhere dangerous, so don’t worry. It’s just a place where someone who wants to see you is waiting.”
[Valentia] “There’s no one like that.”
[Lexus] “There is.”
He gave a mischievous and knowing laugh, but she couldn’t understand what he was trying to say.
The place they eventually arrived at was a beautiful looking mansion. Once the carriage passed through the threshold of the large gated entrance, a wide and open garden came into view.
And Valentia still couldn’t understand what Lexus was talking about until she took a step out of the carriage.
Lined with trees of yellow and red fall leaves, near the back of the beautiful garden, there was a small creature of golden fur. That was all Valentia needed to see to know exactly who it was.
[Goldie] “Bark—!”
Goldie gave a loud bark. It had been so long since he’d seen her, so Goldie was beyond elated, bounding towards her with his soft, and cream colored fur waving in the air.
Ah, I see. So you were here.
It’d been too long since they’d last seen each other, and yet his tail didn’t stop wagging, excitedly showing her that not even for a moment did he forget about her.
[Valentia] “Why did you bring me here?”
[Lexus] “Do you have any idea how depressed Goldie was while you were gone? He had no energy and ate pretty much nothing the entire time.”
[Valentia] “Is that so?”
Valentia pet Goldie’s head, feeling the texture of his fur in her hand.
She’d forgotten all about him during all of this, but Goldie faithfully remembered and waited for her. Her heart was in so much pain, splintering under all the pressure to the point of numbness, but it didn’t seem to hurt so bad anymore.
His well managed and soft fur slipped from her fingertips. Valentia smiled down as she watched the puppy, wagging his tail like it was going to fall off.
[Valentia] “Goldie.”
When Valentia called his name, he barked like was answering her. He was a little bigger than he was before, so his bark was more intimidating and had more presence.
[Lexus] “I think he understands what people say to him.”
[Valentia] “Sorry?”
[Lexus] “I asked him if he wanted to see you today, and he was a mess all the way until this morning.”
[Valentia] “I see.”
Valentia held Goldie’s face with both of her hands, giving him little scritches under his chin. He was such a warm and cuddly boy. What made him love her so much? She never gave him any proper affection until now.
[Valentia] “But why bring him all the way out here?”
[Lexus] “When we go out for a walk, too many people stare at us. I thought some place quieter might be better.”
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Valentia looked up at Lexus with brand new eyes.
As she stared at him, he gave her a confused but soft smile, like he was trying to ask what she was looking at so deeply.
This man was so lovable, it was heartbreaking. At his smile, she felt like her heart was going to collapse in on itself. He was so wonderful, she could scarcely believe it.
All of this…was a lie?
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