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Vivian’s POV
He had always smiled affectionately at me. He would occasionally get angry out of worry.
But right now, everything that could be called emotion was washed away from his sculpture-like face, leaving behind a terrifying silver-gray gaze.
I first realised that Edmund would become expressionless when he was angry.
When the brilliant smile that was always on his face disappeared, a dangerous atmosphere that wasn’t present before surfaced. However, presently, I didn’t have the presence of mind to observe Edmund’s expression.
As my gaze locked with Edmund’s, I opened my mouth slowly.
I now understood why I was here.
“I couldn’t understand why I fell here. After all, I had already expired.”
I let go of the resentment and pining towards my sister, who I had loved all my life, as well as the grievances towards the Summers that would be happy after I had left.
“I couldn’t understand why I had come here, when I have lived like that.”
“…….”
“But now, I think I know why.”
He’s a tall person. As he stood quietly in front of me, he felt even bigger. My hands started to tremble unknowingly from the oppressing pressure coming from above.
“Is that so, Vivian?”
At the sound of his voice breaking at the end, it felt like someone had gotten ahold of my neck and pressed on my airway lightly.
It felt like I was in front of my sister one day. There was a resemblance between Edmund and my sister.
When she’s angry, my sister doesn’t burn like fire. Her anger was freezing, like a lake in the middle of a severe winter.
But my older sister wouldn’t be here anymore
He brushed against his neck, and then turned his head.
The dark, lifeless eyes gazed vacantly downwards at me. I bit my lip lightly and declared to him.
“I came here in order to return and save my sister.”
As soon as I finished speaking, the corners of his lip rose into a gentle smile.
It was the first time the smile that I was weary of seemed so dangerous. The contrasting between the emotions of kindness being displayed on his emotionless face made me rather that he got angry instead.
Looking at the side profile of his tilted face, I now understood why the word ‘beautiful’ was used simultaneously with the word ‘dangerous’ in numerous literature.
“Say that again.”
“…….”
“Vivian Summers.”
His eyes were then folded into curves this time. Even though his eyes became narrow, his gaze was like the eyes of a snake, giving off a strange light.
“You aren’t going anywhere.”
“That’s not your decision to make.”
“You’re going back? Where will you go? Where are you going back?”
“To the time where my sister is still alive.”
Currently, I don’t know how to go back.
However, the chances of my sister or the Summers being the cause of why I had travelled in time was high.
Summers had been studying time magic from a very long time ago. Although a majority of people weren’t aware, at the very least I, as the daughter of the head of this family and the younger sister of the next head, was aware. It was because I wasn’t even given a chance to learn it.
Family magic was an accumulation of special magic that was unique to each distinguished family of mages. The more conservative the family of mages was, the stronger they were, due to the family magic that had been accumulating over a long period of time.
The family magic of the Summers dealt with time.
It was different from simply emitting fire and producing water.
“Everything was already determined before the beginning of the world. And time was merely a passage to gain a glimpse through that crevice. We are aware of that, while the rest are simply unaware.”
My sister once said that while she was explaining to me about the family’s magic.
“While we express our respect before time, there’s also with resignation towards it. We are but people that are ignorant, and it’s precisely because of that that it’s unfortunate.”
Her lamenting words, that we should’ve just been ignorant fools that have their eyes closed, remained in my mind for some reason.
“Didn’t you say that Sasha was cruel to you.”
“But if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be who I am now either.”
Edmund shook his head from side to side and spoke in an urgent tone.
“But Vivian, those events have already passed. The collapse of the Summers family occurred a long time ago, and Sasha, who had made you suffer, died. It’s been hundreds of years since everything ended. Vivian, you should calm down for now–”
“No! Sister, she wouldn’t die!”
Just as the words left my mouth, Edmund came to a stop before me, with a scary expression.
He had only moved one step closer, but the oppressing pressure increased slightly more.
I’m a mage and he isn’t a mage, so it shouldn’t be hard for me to leave this mansion, but strangely…
It felt like I was trapped in this room.
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I know that he wouldn’t do anything to me, but the feeling that I was facing my sister enclosed around me. I tried to shake off the chilly gaze and figure out the magic that I could use.
After falling here, I had once used unsuitable magic and fainted after symptoms of anemia appeared.
As my sister wouldn’t be present to rescue me when I collapsed from a flood of magical power, I tried my best to refrain from using magic, but actually using it didn’t pose much of a problem.
So what if I fainted? I would just collapse and that’s the end. It’s not like I would die if I threw up a little blood.
As long as I can go back, it wouldn’t matter. As long as I could return and save my sister from being purged, it didn’t matter if it had already been several hundreds or even thousands of years, it would all become things of the past.
“I had stayed alone in the Summers’ mansion and lived my entire life searching for the meaning of my existence. Why was I born?”
The numerous amounts of medicine and magical power that I ingested wouldn’t have been wasted. There wouldn’t be a need to set aside time to care for me in the midst of pressing affairs.
If I wasn’t there, someone would improve, and someone wouldn’t be upset. Perhaps you might find it a pity for a child to vanish, but no matter how hard I thought about it, I can’t think of anyone that would find my disappearance regrettable.
“I want to become someone useful. Then, if I die, perhaps they’ll find it regrettable, even if it was for my usefulness.”
That way, someone would feel my absence.
I don’t have much expectations. That level was enough for me. If I was at that level to my sister, it would be enough.
But I had failed in even that.
So I kept doubting my very existence.
The magical power that I assimilated with my emotions began to buzz.
My sister, who’d come to save me even though she had an annoyed-to-death expression, wasn’t here. As such, I shouldn’t act like this, but the magical power that has broken away from my control did not move as per my intentions.
Edmund grabbed my wrist. Although he didn’t use much force, I was dragged towards him. His handsome face was right before my eyes. At the feeling of her breathing brushing against his cheek, he opened his mouth and asked.
“Why do you have to look for the reason for your existence?”
I had always been a nuisance to the family. I couldn’t even meet all the time, money, effort, and expectations that were spent on me.
I was just. I was like that.
The name of Summers didn’t seem to be mine.
“That’s not true.”
He spoke firmly.
“The reason for your existence? I don’t know. You were just there. Then what’s the reason for my existence? Was I just lucky enough to be born as a Deer, and love you like it was my destiny? If that’s the case, did you exist to be loved by me?”
But I wasn’t talking about that.
“Edmund. If I saved Sister, would there be more feelings of guilt?”
If I had saved Summers, would the heavy name that used to be like wearing clothes that didn’t fit, become a little lighter? Would it be alright if I felt less like I was a sinner while I was dying?
The magical power that I was barely holding on to vibrated.
My magical power, which was much greater than my mana or heart can handle, was difficult to control when my emotions were agitated like this.
“Tell me, Edmund. In the history that you know of, what was I like? Did the story of my death appear?”
“… There wasn’t any record of you after you turned twenty.”
“Look at that. My life, where my death wasn’t even recorded.”
My sister’s biography was completely wrong, all except for one thing. I was neither Sasha Summers’ muse, nor a beloved younger sister, but at least it’s clear that excluding my sister, I’ve lived a life that wasn’t established.
Edmund opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, as if he wanted to say something. His long eyelashes trembled.
“…….”
He eventually checked my face and his expression eased with a light sigh.
A hand approached my face, and before I could avoid it, it wrapped around the back of my head gently. I was dragged along with the light pulling force.
He, who had been angry and gave an expressionless face a while ago, held me as he whispered to me, upset and at a loss of what to do.
“… I fell in love when I first saw you, and it’s the same now. Even if you say that I’m overstepping my place, I have nothing to say to that. But Vivi, it makes me sad that you’ve been thinking like that.”
He raised his head from the face that was plastered to his chest. Edmund continued speaking with his hand inserted between my hair.
“If that’s the reason behind why you want to go back, I’ll stop you, at all costs.”
“It’s not difficult for me.”
I pushed at his chest and backed away.
“If I go back, it’ll be different then.”
Sasha will live for a long time, and Summers will not fall with my sister. I might not leave any records behind, but at least I wouldn’t disappear and perhaps my sister would think about me for a moment?
The magical power that had completely escaped my control vibrated threateningly. Soon after, I couldn’t breathe, and a bloody smell was emitted. As I coughed, the blood dripped downwards. The magical power that was running wild shook the views of others.
“Cough, cough”.
I didn’t expect to vomit blood like this just because I had slightly overextended myself.
The headache that had always been with me before falling here struck. My entire body was seized with the feeling of someone pounding my head. Edmund’s face as he caught me staggering, was pale.
“–You, blood.”
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“C–call for any mage now.”
The last scene in my memory as my vision turned blurry, was of Edmund urgently approaching me.
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