Life, Once Again! - Chapter 683
The words that Maru-seonbae said still remained in her heart. Acting can’t always be fun. Those words were like a lighthouse that shone on the path that she should take.
Ever since her attitude towards acting changed, acting was no longer just a fun thing like what seonbae said. Learning was a painful process that birthed another learning process, and it became harder to taste a sense of achievement. The sense of satisfaction became faint and she became more afraid of acting, but simultaneously, she started seeing what she couldn’t see before. Only after realizing that acting was something hard did she find herself changing. When acting was a form of refuge for her, she always stopped when she felt stuck. After all, it wouldn’t be good if the joy broke. It was a ‘play’; something joyful that does not include pain.
After escaping just ‘playing’, acting became a series of hardships, but unlike before, it gave her a lot of other good things. She finally felt like the her of today was different from the her of yesterday, and that she would change yet again tomorrow. The joy of walking forward little by little made her accept the hard practice. While she was going through that process, she gained a challenging mindset. She also gained the confidence that she would be able to digest the roles given to her to her satisfaction, even if it was not perfect.
“Yuna, is there something you’re angry about?”
Hearing producer Jayeon’s words, Yuna shook her head. The confidence she had before they started the shoot could no longer be seen now. If there was a sense of nervousness at least, she felt like she could burn up in passion, but right now, her head had turned blank.
This was the third time already. Producer Jayeon was repeating the same words. Yuna felt afraid of looking at the producer in the face. It would be better if she was scolding her, yet instead, she was apologetically asking her if something was wrong as though it was her fault. Yuna felt that the sense of guilt had increased severalfold.
“When you said your line, before, you were too relaxed, and right now, you’re putting too much strength into it. Also, your eyes. I think you’re making your eyes like that to show that your character has been raised in a difficult environment, but you’re exaggerating too much. You’re too sharp throughout the entire call. The character known as Yoon Jihae is a strong girl who befriends others at school and boldly goes to school despite many external influences. And I don’t think that becoming angry on a whim is being strong.”
Yuna nodded. She was entirely right. When she analyzed the character, she also thought that the girl was like ‘Candy’, who never cried despite the environment she was in. A Candy with an angry voice was not Candy. Yuna set herself straight.
Yuna raised her head when she heard the sudden apology. Jayeon patted her on the shoulders before continuing to speak,
“I should have guided you better, but I’m still lacking. Let’s think about it together and find a solution. We still have a lot of time for the shoot. You know what I mean, right?”
Jayeon left the set. Due to the sudden apology from the director, she felt like her dazed mind was becoming better. She thought of what she had to do.
“Just shake it all off. Acting is something you can’t put too much energy into. Though, I can’t be sure about that since it’s not my specialty,” said the camera director who was also on the set with her.
First, the chocolate, then the words of encouragement – Yuna thanked him twice in a row. It came to her that this wasn’t something she was doing by herself. Just knowing that there were people to lead her and push her from behind made her calm down a little. However, she couldn’t entirely calm down. Once the camera started rolling and the cue sign fell, she had to fight by herself again. She wanted to finish this quickly even if it was for the sake of the staff who were being considerate of her.
The assistant director gave the cue sign. Yuna became conscious of the character and started acting. She opened the folded table in the corner and put her textbooks on it. She opened her notebook and picked up a pen before resting her chin on her hands. Following that, the assistant director outside the set gestured to her to pick up her phone. Yuna picked up her vibrating phone. She opened the phone and put it against her ear. She couldn’t hear anything.
“Oh, you want to go out over the weekend? I’m so sorry. I really want to go, but I don’t think I can make it. Yeah, okay, I’ll definitely go with you next time. Alright, see you tomorrow.”
She pictured an imaginary conversation in her head and thought about the speed before hanging up the call. She looked at her phone with a slightly relaxed expression before turning her eyes to the notebook. She started copying down the formulas in the book into her notes expressionlessly. The pen scratched against the paper, making some noise. Yuna waited for the cut sign to arrive. This was one cut. This time, she didn’t make any mistakes and did not act too tragic either. Did it look like a plain act? Just as she thought about that, she heard the cut sound.
She stood up as she pressed on her strangely stiff shoulders. Was producer Jayeon satisfied this time? She heard footsteps approaching the set. Following that, the door opened before Jayeon came in. The moment she looked at her lips, Yuna realized that she was wrong this time as well. She knew because she saw. When actors successfully finished a cut, Jayeon would cheerfully run over. The four that acted before her all managed to digest the scene and hear that laughter from her.
“You’re better than before. You definitely are, but….”
Jayeon couldn’t continue. Yuna felt her neck stiffening. Her head kept going down.
“Yuna, how did you feel?”
“Were you satisfied with your acting?”
When she just finished acting, she thought that that may have been enough, but the moment she saw Jayeon’s face, that belief disappeared.
“Okay. Good, let’s take a break. I heard a few seniors tell me that the first shoot is always the hardest. But you know the advantage of shooting beforehand. I don’t care how many times you make a mistake. If I can get a finished cut during that process, I will be satisfied.”
Jayeon turned around as she brushed up her hair with her hand. Yuna also left the set. Her footsteps were heavy.
“Why do you look so dejected?”
Ganghwan was standing in front of her. Behind him, she saw Byungjae, Mira, and Maru as well.
“I’m sorry, it’s all because of me….”
She didn’t know until yesterday that not being able to act the way she wanted was such a frustrating thing. She had the urge to cry. If she was by herself right now, she might have been sniffling.
“Is your act not going well?”
“Did you try everything you prepared?”
“I think I did.”
“Thinking that you did and actually doing it is strictly different. You know that, right?”
“What should I do? I don’t get it. Was my preparation not enough?”
“I wouldn’t know that. We didn’t practice together after all. Do you want to try doing it here? What are seniors for? We should help out in a time like this,” Ganghwan said as he looked behind him.
The eyes of the staff were directed their way. Yuna felt like all the eyes in this place were looking at her. She felt her heart race, but there was no reason to hesitate. She started acting immediately. She was in dire need of advice right now.
After acting, she looked at the four.
“You did that?”
“Doesn’t look bad to me,” Ganghwan said.
Yuna then had a look at Maru. He was the first person to shock her when she watched his acting and was the one who helped her out with coming up with her new resolve, so she felt like she could trust his opinion.
“I also think it was okay though. There might be a difference in taste, but don’t you think that it’s worth keeping?” Maru said.
Ganghwan nodded in agreement.
“It wasn’t too bad. If you were awful, then I would have said so. What I saw, though, was really decent for your age. You’d also be in the top few among the people I have taught. There’s something called the ‘feel’ you get when you watch, right? In that sense, Yuna, you gave off a pretty decent feel.”
“Then do you think that the director wants even more than this?”
Yuna had a look at Jayeon, who was sitting in front of the monitor. Were her expectations too high? Or was she not giving an okay sign because she was lacking when compared to the people that went before her? The problem ultimately came down to the fact that something was wrong with herself. What excuse could she make when she was an actor who couldn’t satisfy the producer?
Just as she was in deep thought, Jayeon called out to her.
“Have a look at this.”
She looked at the screen that Jayeon was pointing at. The scene they just shot was being played. The noise that could be heard before the cue sign fell disappeared as soon as it fell. She momentarily gasped at the fact that she was being shot from three angles before she started frowning. Her acting on the screen was terrible. Her eyes were wavering everywhere, and her actions were clumsy. Her pronunciations were okay, but her breathing was unstable from time to time. The problems she wasn’t aware of were plain to see in the video.
“Is that how I did?”
“Are you perhaps afraid of the camera?”
“No, that’s not the case.”
“If your level of skill was just this, I wouldn’t have picked you in the first place. When I watched you act just now, I could tell from this distance that you were pretty decent. But why were you like that inside the set? I thought that you were nervous and tried to encourage you as much as possible, but from the way things are looking right now, I don’t think it’s nervousness that’s the problem.”
Yuna had a look at the screen again. She felt like she was watching someone else’s acting. Not only that, they seemed like a beginner. She felt her hairs standing on end. Just what happened?
“Especially when you take that call.”
Jayeon showed her the part where she picked up her phone. Her movements became awry the moment the phone started ringing. It was to the point that her acting before the call looked good in comparison. When she took the call, her pronunciation was mangled. She felt like the line of emotions that she was barely holding onto was blown away. It was such a strange thing. She thought that she did quite decently when she acted inside the set, but from the video, her act was beyond saving.
“At times like this,”
Just then, she heard a voice behind her. Ganghwan, who was watching the screen with sharp eyes, pushed Maru forward.
“We should try using this guy.”
“Me?” Maru retorted.
Yuna didn’t understand what was going on. Use Maru? Use him where? Ganghwan and Jayeon exchanged words in a small voice.
“Should we go then?”
Jayeon’s eyes were filled with vitality. It seemed that she had found a good method. Yuna wanted to ask what was going on, but before she could ask, she was pushed from behind into the set. Following her, the camera director came in after taking the camera from the first cameraman.
“You don’t look good. Get an earful?”
“No, it wasn’t like that.”
“Then why do you look so dejected?”
“I just realized that my acting skills are terribly lacking. I saw my own figure through a screen, and I looked really bad.”
“Don’t blame yourself too much. Everyone starts learning like that.”
As thankful as she felt, those words sounded too bitter for her right now. She calmed down as she looked at the camera director’s gentle smile. There was no way producer Jayeon pushed her in without thinking like this. Her eyes looked like she had found a method. Yuna looked outside the door which was still open. Ganghwan and Maru were having a conversation. She wondered what it was about until she met Maru’s eyes. Maru waved his hand as though to tell her not to worry.
“Well, then. We’re starting now. Standby!”
The assistant director’s voice hit her ears. Yuna closed her eyes and tried to fish out her confidence that had sunk deep inside the lake in her heart, but the only thing that was fished out was unease.
Yuna opened her eyes. Get yourself together – that was the only thing she could tell herself right now.
 Presumably from the series ‘Candy Candy’