After turning 34 this year, I sometimes think.
When exactly did my life start to go wrong?
What if…
What if I had grabbed on to the way of the sword a little quicker?
Then, maybe I would have been able to stop my family from selling my elder sister to the empire.
If I had, would I have become the monster I am now?
Supposing that had been the case, then would I have met my teacher in the first place?
My teacher. The one who transformed me from my past self: a dumb and retarded loser who couldn’t do anything, and taught me how to survive on my own.
He was more than just my savior, and the best moments of my life were the times I spent with him.
However…
‘If I had known that we would part that way, I would have acted like a better person to him.’
I’m left with regret for things I wasn’t able to do.
A scholar once said that humans are animals that always live with regret, and he must be right.
I laughed humorlessly.
I only realized too late that there was something wrong. But even if I tried to resolve said problem, another one would arise.
That’s why I ended up all the way here.
I let out a small sigh.
Phew–
A white puff of breath floated up to the sky.
The vast plains beneath it normally boasted of a beautiful sight, but today was different.
Corpses.
Blood.
The field looked far from beautiful and more like hell, with the gruesome sight of life’s remains piled up together.
Step. Step–
I could hear the sound of steps coming in my direction.
Sitting on the back of a corpse covered with a veil, I slowly turned my head towards the sound.
I was met with the appearance and short height of a child.
He wore a huge leather armor that didn’t quite fit his stature.
He was definitely a child soldier.
The boy walked over to me, trembling.
The light of the full moon shone on the boy’s sword while his hand quivered as if he had been stricken with paralysis.
It was a bit sad to see.
I wondered if he could swing the sword in his current state.
“I spared kids’ lives whenever I could, and this is how I get repaid?” I said with a snicker.
“You killed my father,” the child soldier replied.
“Oh… Really? That’s a pity.”
About a hundred meters behind the boy, there were other child soldiers who seemed to be in a similar situation.
Around 2000 of them? Maybe 3000? I wasn’t so sure.
The boy soldiers were the only ones left alive in a field surrounded by dead bodies.
It was quite a sight.
The kid in front spoke, “Monster… You’re a monster.”
Out of all the words to say, a monster?
It’s a word I’ve heard so many times, so it’s not new to me.
My body started to sting and pain arose on every part of it.
I feel tired and uncomfortable, but my brain, which felt like it would melt down right away, kept on signaling me to stop and just give up on life.
But, just a little more.
I’ll wait just a little more.
“A monster, you say…”
Pfft–
“Calling me a monster… I killed all of your masters and single-handedly destroyed the great Tulcan Empire. I even killed the Emperor. Do you know how many people I have killed with these hands?”
The boy could not answer.
Even I didn’t know how many had died from my hands, so how would he know?
But what’s certain is: “At least tens of millions, and yet you tell me I’m a monster. Isn’t that obvious already?”
It wasn’t supposed to be funny but all I did was laugh.
Even if I laughed, I had no one to talk about it anymore.
I looked up.
The child who was paralyzed like a statue before now looked terrified as he shook in fear.
My gaze turned to the sword that the kid wielded.
It was a double-edged sword about 1.2m long.
That didn’t seem like a trivial weapon that could be used by a child soldier.
Looking at the embossed patterns on the blade, it was quite expensive.
“Kid, what’s your name?”
“…Jack. Jack Stuart.”
I burst out laughing once more.
“This must have been fate. My name is Jack, too.”
Maybe I expected more from the kid.
However, he did not react to it.
I shrugged and continued, “You said I killed your father? I’ve killed so many people that I don’t remember which one was called Stuart. Seeing as you want revenge for your father, you two must have been really close.”
The boy replied with a shaking voice, “He wasn’t exactly a good father, but he was essential.”
An essential father…
To be honest, I was a bit jealous.
“I won’t apologize for killing him, but I’ll instead give you a chance.”
“… What?”
“Stab me with the sword you’re holding.”
The boy jumped from his spot as if he had been hit by lightning.
Then, he gulped and began to closely look at me.
My right arm was shaking as if it was about to fall off and my legs had torn muscles and exposed bones as if they had been bitten off by a wild animal.
They had not lost their function yet, but they were certainly not in a proper condition anymore.
More than 50% of the blood surrounding me was mine.
I had been sitting in this position for about 5 hours, just on the verge of death.
“It’s a great opportunity, don’t you think? You get to avenge your father and kill the worst monster in history.”
Although my body was in its worst condition, I could still survive if I wanted to.
It’s not just a false sense of confidence. If I wanted to stay alive, I really could.
Broken legs? They’d recover soon enough.
Smashed organs? They can still be regenerated.
However, I didn’t want that.
Like I said earlier, I had completed my revenge and didn’t want to continue living this life anymore.
I don’t want to live.
In summary, I’ll be dead soon.
And it’ll be from excessive bleeding.
“There’s not much time left. It’s your chance to become a hero, isn’t it? Why are you hesitating?”
The child —who’s already on the brink of death— slowly walked up to me and gulped.
And then came the sound of his sword.
He gritted his teeth, his hand trembling as the sword shook along with it.
And so…
Drop
The sword fell to the floor.
“Hnng…sniff…”
Clear tears fell from the child’s eyes.
The result was simple.
The boy could not do it.
However.
“Good job.”
“Sniff… What?”
I raised my numb hand as best as I could and placed it on the boy’s head.
“Do you think you’d live comfortably after killing me? You’d end up getting all sorts of nicknames and enduring a lot of tiring work for the rest of your life. Do you think you can handle that?”
I paused.
It might seem childish but it is the truth.
I looked at the child soldier, the one named Jack which is the same as mine, and opened my mouth to speak once more.
“Don’t live a life of regret like I did. You’re different from me since you’re still young.”
In the eyes of the boy, I was definitely smiling.
The boy said nothing and only bowed his head from where he stood.
Drip drip
Tears from his eyes fell to the pool of blood on the ground.
Goodness… It makes me feel soft-hearted.
“Go and tell everyone. The demon is dead and the war is over.”
“Ngh…”
“Why…? Why did you live such a life…when you have so much power?”
That was a difficult question to answer.
“Hmm… I wonder why, too…”
This was the end.
I could feel it.
Strength and sensation disappeared from my hand like a balloon with no air.
And then, my eyes became blurry as they closed even when they’re not willing to.
Slowly.
I forgot to breathe and the sound of my surroundings died down.
Desolation.
This feeling like I was the only one in the world.
I could tell.
Death had finally come for me.
That was what I thought.