Chapter 98 – Living Without You
“Just how much more unhappiness do you plan on making me suffer?” Patrizia inquired.
“I’m not asking you to love me. But at least… give me a chance.” Lucio shook his head and earnestly pleaded with her. “No, it’s fine if you don’t even give me a chance. I beg of you, Queen. I don’t think I’ll be able to continue living in this palace without you.”
“You said the same thing to Rosemond, who’s now dead,” Patrizia rebutted sadly. “I can’t be like her. I can’t lie and say that I love you like she did.”
“…”
“I’m telling you the truth, Your Majesty. I do not love you.”
“Patrizia, please…”
“…Now if you will excuse me.”
With those words, Patrizia turned around. She couldn’t endure it any longer. When Rosemond died, Patrizia’s heart died along with her. She left the room with an empty face.
Lucio, left alone, was stricken with grief. At some point, his once-dry fingertips turned damp with tears.
*
“Do you really plan to leave the palace?” Petronilla quietly asked, and Patrizia nodded in response.
“When I first came into the palace in your place, I wanted to live a quiet life,” Patrizia began. “Once His Majesty can promise me both mine and my family’s safety, I’d rather step down from my position as queen and live more freely than I am now.”
“…”
Petronilla couldn’t say anything at her younger sister’s words. She didn’t have a right to regarding her younger sister’s decision, since it was a sacrifice that Patrizia made for her. She offered to go to the palace in her immature older sister’s stead.
Petronilla gave an inward sigh. It appeared as if the Emperor liked Patrizia. He might even love her. And Petronilla could tell that those feelings were genuine, because the Emperor looked at Patrizia the same way Rothesay looked at her. However, Patrizia had already closed off her heart from everyone. Just like Petronilla did before.
If Petronilla was being honest, what she wanted was for Patrizia to forget about everything that happened and grow old together with Lucio. But it seemed that that wasn’t what Patrizia wanted. Then again, she never showed any interest in marriage in their previous lives either.
“Do you oppose it, Nilla?” Patrizia asked.
“It’s not like you’re going to remain here just because I oppose it,” replied Petronilla.
“Even so, I still wanted to ask.”
Petronilla sighed. “Personally, I want you to forget everything that happened and just live happily here.”
“How could you say that?” Patrizia asked, slightly angry. “Have you forgotten? I may be queen now, in our previous lives, you were queen, Nilla. Strictly speaking, that man isn’t my husband, but my brother-in-law.”
“But just like you said, that was in our previous lives.”
“That doesn’t change the fact that you, me, and our parents had our heads sliced off.”
“Of course it doesn’t. But Rizi, do you plan on staying stuck in the past? The Emperor who sent us to our deaths back then and the Emperor now are two different people. They’re completely different personalities.”
“Even if you say that…!” Patrizia’s calm and composed voice started to rise in volume. “It doesn’t change the fact that that man was once your husband.”
“Oh, goodness. Rizi, are you really being like this over that?” Petronilla said in exasperation, and Patrizia didn’t answer. Petronilla continued to scrutinize her before speaking in a low voice, as if she was making a confession.
“If you want to talk about technicalities, then it’s true. That man used to be my husband. But Rizi, he and I were never like that in our previous life.”
“What…? What does that mean?”
“His Majesty and I have never slept together. I was just his queen in name,” Petronilla calmly answered.
“…”
“Do you understand now? And if this is because of me, then don’t worry about it. I’ve already found a man that I love, and my feelings for His Majesty remain in the past. I don’t feel anything towards him any longer.”
“It…it isn’t just that.” Patrizia sighed before continuing. “I’m just so tired. I don’t want to think about anything.”
“Then rest. Mirya and I will take care of the palace affairs. If you want, you can even take a vacation.”
“Nil.”
“I’m sorry, Rizi, but this isn’t something that you can solve by acting like a child,” Petronilla snapped, before barrelling forward. “Do you really think someone who’s already been instated as queen can just step down because they’re tired? What, are you willing to commit a crime if it means you can leave your position?”
“I…”
“There are many ways for you to become free. Mirya, Raphaella, and I will all help you. Let’s not undergo any more hardship.”
“…”
“I’m not telling you to tolerate it. All I’m saying…is that you can find freedom in this position as well,” Petronilla finished gently.
“…”
Patrizia said nothing. There was some truth to Petronilla’s words. Losing one’s title wasn’t something that was easily done. The only surefire way was for her to commit a crime, as Petronilla said. Be it this way or that, nothing was easy. Patrizia sighed.
“Alright. I admit that I was being too rash.”
“Get some rest for now. You’ve been overworking yourself lately,” Petronilla said in a motherly fashion.
“…”
Patrizia huffed out a breath. Yes, that might just be the reason why.
*
Petronilla left the Queen’s Palace earlier than usual to visit the Bradington estate. It was then that a maid called to her.
“Lady Grochester.”
“What is it?”
“His Majesty the Emperor is looking for you.”
“…”
A strange expression crossed Petronilla’s face. Why was the Emperor looking for her? Ever since she came back in time, the two had never interacted with each other.
“What seems to be the problem…?” Petronilla asked.
“That I’m not entirely sure,” the maid responded.
“…”
Petronilla gave a short nod. Though she didn’t know why he called for her, she couldn’t disobey the Emperor’s summoning. With slow steps, she followed the maid.
“Your Majesty, Lady Grochester has arrived,” the maid announced some time later.
“Let her in.”
At the short response, the doors opened. Surprisingly, Petronilla didn’t feel an ounce of nervousness as she stepped through those doors. In her past life, she would tremble when she stepped through them. Her apathy didn’t change even when she saw Lucio, the man who was formerly her husband. Petronilla greeted Lucio.
“Greetings to the Sun of the Empire, His Majesty the Emperor. Glory to all the Mavinous Empire.”
“…Sit down.”
He gestured to a chair, and Petronilla gracefully seated herself. This was the first time that they sat across from each other since she had come back in time.
“For what reason have you called for me, Your Majesty?” Petronilla asked.
“…The Queen—” he started in a distressed voice, “—wishes to leave the palace.”
“…Is that not to be expected?” Petronilla asked in a level tone. “After all that she’s been through since becoming the queen, I don’t think it’s odd that she wishes to leave the palace.”
“Do you wish for her to leave the palace, Lady Grochester?” Lucio asked.
“If it means that my younger sister’s life will be void of twists and turns,” Petronilla responded coolly, “then I agree with her decision, and I am certain our parents will as well.”
“…I,” Lucio started, his face twisted in pain. “I can no longer live without the Queen.”
“…”
Petronilla said nothing. What else could she say in this situation? This man would certainly be able to live without Patrizia by his side. Though he would be able to continue living on the outside, on the inside, however…hm. She couldn’t say for sure.
“In other words, you called me here so that I could try to convince my younger sister to stay?”
“I’m not that shameless, Lady Grochester.” He huffed out a sigh. “Does… does the Queen have something she likes?”
“…”
Upon hearing Lucio’s words, Petronilla nearly burst out into laughter. So there finally comes a day when this man could ask such things, she thought.
“What do you mean, Your Majesty?” she asked.
“I don’t know much about the Queen. Even before I could have gotten to know her, I had already committed a great sin against her.”
“…”
At least he’s aware, Petronilla thought blithely to herself.
“I can’t let the Queen leave, but that doesn’t mean that I want her to be unhappy.”
“You’re quite ambitious.”
“…I know,” he muttered bitterly. “But I’m trying to make an effort. That’s why I need your help.”
He’s wise to think that, Petronilla thought, agreeing with him.
“My younger sister…” she started. “So what exactly are you curious about, Your Majesty?”
“The things the Queen likes, the things she dislikes, small facts about her… everything.” His voice then dropped to a whisper. “Even if I asked the Queen, she would never tell me.”
Petronilla paused, before everything burst forth. “…She likes strawberries. She likes sweet desserts. As she’s not an extravagant person, she’s not interested in expensive dresses or jewelry.”
“…”
Lucio, who had been quietly listening to Petronilla speak, was now jotting down the words she was saying on a piece of parchment. Seeing him nearly made Petronilla laugh once again, but she held it in, admiring his sincerity. To think that this side of him existed.
“She hates…”
Out of habit, she almost said “Your Majesty,” but quickly changed her words.
“…lying. Other than that, she doesn’t really have anything she particularly dislikes. There aren’t any foods that she’s averse to. If anything, the most important thing that Your Majesty should remember is…”
She paused before offering her genuine advice.
“…to be sincere with her. If something has heart and sincerity, then my younger sister will never dismiss it thoughtlessly.”
“…Thank you,” Lucio said gratefully.
Petronilla could feel the honesty emanating from his words. Yes, just like this, she thought as she gave a smile.
“Has this helped you in any way?” he asked.
“I think your final words helped me the most,” he said in a tone as if he had made a breakthrough.
Petronilla nodded. “Though it’s rather simple, it’s the most difficult thing to do.”
*
After Petronilla left, the first thing Lucio did was seek out the head Imperial chef. The chef was completely surprised at the Emperor’s unexpected visit, but nevertheless politely greeted him.
“Greetings to the Sun of the Empire, His Majesty the Emperor. Glory to all of Mavinous.”
“I have a favor to ask of you.”
What kind of favor is it for His Majesty the Emperor to personally ask me? The chef found the request strange, but kept his face blank. “Whatever it is, please speak your mind, Your Majesty.”
“I’d like to learn how to bake some desserts.”
…What? The head chef’s eyes widened.