Chapter 104 – Are You Going To Abandon Me?
“Oh no,” Lucio muttered, his face falling. “Am I really that bad at expressing my feelings?”
“…”
He did express his feelings. But she just did not believe the truth of his expression.
“I love you,” he confessed again.
“…”
“I love you with all my heart. Of course…you still don’t believe me.” Lucio’s voice hardened in resolve. “But I will wait. I can wait. But until then…”
“…”
“Please don’t leave me. If you do that, I will do anything for you.”
It was impossible for Patrizia to leave in the first place—not because she loved him, but because she knew it was not easy to leave the palace. She was just sniveling like a child.
Was I the foolish one? Patrizia thought derisively to herself.
“I won’t leave you,” she said.
“…Really?”
“Yes.”
She could sense Lucio’s insecurity. He was extremely sensitive to farewells. Was it because of the way he lost his mother? No wonder he was uncomfortable.
“Thank you so much. Really…” Lucio murmured. He grabbed Patrizia’s hand with a deeply touched look. She was surprised by his sudden gesture, but she kept her face neutral.
“I will really…be good to you,” he said, his throat thick with tears.
Did he hate the idea of me leaving so much? Patrizia thought to herself. What do I mean to you?
Lucio sensed her unease and hesitated. “If you’re uncomfortable with me here…should I leave?”
Patrizia also paused. Back then, she would have told him to get out…but strangely, she did not want him to go. Was it because of what happened yesterday? She grabbed his wrist, rationalizing to herself that it was purely out of last night’s affection. Lucio’s eyebrows lifted in faint surprise.
“Please don’t go,” she whispered.
“…Alright,” he answered hoarsely. Patrizia just stared at him, and soon she closed her eyes. Another person’s presence beside her offered her the best comfort.
*
“His Majesty sends you an apple tart and meringue cookies this time,” Mirya in a voice that was both a mixture of bewilderment and joy. Patrizia had recovered somewhat due to his extensive nursing, and since then she had been receiving daily desserts filled with his sincerity.
“This has been going on for three weeks already. Do you think he’s going to do this also for your birthday present next week? It’s never easy to make different desserts like this every day,” Mirya commented.
“…”
It was just as Mirya said. Lucio had been sending different hand-made desserts since that day. Mirya’s excitement only made Patrizia feel strange.
“Should I throw it away?” Mirya inquired. She always asked this same question as if it had become custom, but the lady-in-waiting already knew Patrizia’s answer. If it weren’t for times like this, Raphaella and Mirya wouldn’t have the chance to make fun of the Queen.
“…Give it to me,” Patrizia said, pretending not to be happy.
Mirya flashed a grin. “Do you dislike that it’s handmade by His Majesty?”
“I don’t want to find a reason to be arrested for contempt of the Emperor. What if I throw it away and he gets angry?” Patrizia said in a level tone.
Mirya giggled to herself. The Emperor loved the Queen. Even if she threw away his gift, he would never punish her. Mirya knew that Patrizia knew that. The lady-in-waiting silently handed over the pink box of tarts and cookies.
“Here you are, Your Majesty.”
“…You may leave now.”
As always, Patrizia would eat it in solitude. Raphaella and Mirya tried to guess her reaction, but they never made their curiosity obvious in front of Patrizia. If she knew they were talking about her, instead of getting angry at them, she was more likely to do something that she did not mean to do. That should not happen for the sake of peaceful marriage.
“Haaah.”
Finally, Patrizia was left alone. She quietly opened the box. She wondered who was the one who packaged the boxes, as they were always neatly tied with pink or red ribbons. The sweet and savory smell of flour tickled Patrizia’s nose.
“It looks delicious,” she muttered in appreciation, then lifted a meringue cookie to her mouth and took a bite. It was delicious. Patrizia smiled without realizing it. Somehow, eating his hand-made dessert was becoming the most anticipated routine in Patrizia’s boring daily life.
*
“Do you think it’ll be different with you?” A woman in white mourning clothes and long pink hair gave an icy smile.
Patrizia took a step backwards at the sight. “Get away from me.”
“It’ll be the same for you, haughty Queen. You will be abandoned once he takes another woman.”
“…I never accepted him,” Patrizia denied, but Rosemond giggled as if she thought Patrizia’s naivety amusing.
“What a fool. You have already accepted him.”
“…”
“You embraced him first. You were the one who kissed him first. Now you’re just complaining because you don’t want to admit your feelings. No?”
“Even so, what does it matter?” Patrizia trembled and stared at Rosemond. The concubine was already dead, and Patrizia knew the one in front of her now was probably an illusion.
Why do you keep making me suffer…even after you died?
“I’m itching to see you become like me as soon as possible,” Rosemond whispered gleefully in her ear. “Someday you’ll be decapitated by the guillotine, just like me. When he gets another woman.”
“You…!”
“Why? You don’t think so?” Rosemond tittered. “You fool! He did the same thing to me at first too. He acted as if he would sacrifice his liver and gallbladder for me!”
“Because your relationship wasn’t real love,” Patrizia countered, and for the first time, she smiled. It was not a beautiful smile, but a scary, strange, cold smile that made her more sorrowful. Patrizia retorted sharply. “Your relationship was wrong in the first place. You knew that.”
“…”
Patrizia continued. “You didn’t really love him, and he was just fooled by your feelings—just like how you mistook a heartbeat out of fear for a heartbeat of excitement.”
“You still pretend to be clever until the end! Are you confident to say that’s not the case?”
“…”
“See, you’re not confident, are you?” Rosemond left her last words with a beautiful smile. “Someday you’ll be like me.”
At the same time, the image of Rosemond’s death was repeated in front of Patrizia—the scream of the crowd and the horrible sound of someone being decapitated. A scream escaped Patrizia’s mouth.
“Argh!”
Patrizia abruptly sat up, and found that her forehead was soaked in cold sweat. Mirya and Raphaella, who heard her scream, rushed in through the door.
“Your Majesty!”
“Rizi!”
The two looked around to see what had happened, but fortunately, there was no sign of any intruder. They heaved a sigh of relief.
Mirya anxiously turned to Patrizia. “Your Majesty, what’s the matter?”
“Oh my god, Mirya. Look at her sweat.”
“Haah…” Patrizia heaved gasping breaths and tried to calm down, but she found it difficult to take in air. The lady-in-waiting quickly brought in lukewarm water, and Patrizia sipped it slowly, her face pale.
“Your Majesty, what’s going on?” Raphaella demanded.
“Haah…damn it,” Patrizia managed to croak out. “I have to go to the Central Palace.”
*
Meanwhile, Lucio went to bed earlier than usual that day. When Patrizia woke up from her nightmare, he was still in slumber. He was already wandering through the dreamland without knowing anything about what Patrizia had gone through. However, some voices from outside caused him to stir.
“Your Majesty the Queen? Why are you…”
“Is His Majesty inside…?”
“He’s asleep…”
Lucio, who usually did not sleep deeply anyway, opened his eyes from the faint sounds. He got up from his bed and looked towards the door.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
It was silent outside for a moment, then the head lady-in-waiting spoke. “Your Majesty, Her Majesty the Queen is…”
“What are you doing still not letting her in?”
“My apologies, Your Majesty. Please come inside.”
The door opened. Lucio patted his cheeks a few times to rid himself of his drowsiness. Why was the Queen looking for him this late at night? He got up from his bed with a look mixed with anticipation, excitement and fear.
“…”
Patrizia was wearing a white night dress and had messy hair that had been released from her usual neat updo. In Lucio’s eyes, it was not a meaningful change, as she always looked lovely and pure to him.
To his surprise, she stumbled towards him, and whether it was because she looked insecure or because he wanted to reach her faster, Lucio rushed towards her.
“Queen, what is—”
“Your Majesty.” Her voice didn’t sound like it normally did.
Lucio instinctively sensed something wrong. “Rizi? What’s going on?”
“Your Majesty.”
“Hush, it’s alright. What’s happening?”
“…”
She looked up at his face without saying anything, but somehow the look in her eyes seemed disturbed, and Lucio was suddenly frightened. He knew that look in her eyes. He was familiar with it. That emotion had been deeply carved in his heart since that day.
“Rizi, what’s wrong…” he asked in a trembling voice.
But he could not finish his sentence properly. Patrizia threw herself in his arms. He was flustered, but he had no time to feel joy that she hugged him first. Something was wrong with her now.
“What happened? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t—”
“Your Majesty,” Patrizia’s voice quivered. “Are you going to abandon me?”