Editors: Ruzenor, V. Nyugen, Deus-ex-Machina
Updated: Missing link at end of Part 3
Chapter 1: Objecting this Sudden Engagement!
Part 1
The demon king army general, the evil god Wolbach.
She was a high-value bounty target who – despite her true powers being sealed – was able to use explosion magic to whittle down the elite forces of the royal capital.
After laying the feared demon king army general and evil god to rest, the impression of us being ‘flukes’ was swept away, and we were officially recognized as a strong party.
And then, I, who had become famous for leading the elites to defeat the demon king army—
“I want to go catch a wild dullahan.”
“Wait, I don’t get what you’re talking about.”
—Was currently sprawled on the sofa in the large living room of the mansion.
In this relaxed manner, I said that to Megumin, who looked at me with a perplexed expression.
“What happened to you Kazuma? Did you finally open your eyes to the Axis cult, and now you want to go hunt the undead? I’m really happy about that, but there’s no way you’re gonna find a wild dullahan. For now, just be patient and hunt skeletons or ghosts instead.”
I explained my reason to Aqua, who kept spouting idiotic things.
“The reason I want to look for a wild dullahan is to learn the ‘Premonition of Death’ skill. In order to succeed with a certain plan of mine, that skill is absolutely necessary. Do you think there are any places where I could find one?”
“Hah—!? The lich’s ‘Drain Touch’ is fine, but why do you always want to learn all these dirty skills!? Hand over your adventurer card! As long you have points remaining, I’ll make you learn as many of my party performance skills as you can!”
“Oi stop it, you idiot! Don’t decide things on your own! More importantly, hurry up and hand over your healing magic!”
Aqua jumped on top of me to try to steal my adventurer card. Meanwhile Darkness, whose lap was being rested on by Chomusuke, tilted her head in doubt, and looked at me with a gaze of suspicion.
Since we’ve returned from our last adventure, this furball had begun to show prejudice against Aqua. Whenever it had the chance, it would go and bite Aqua’s hagoromo. Basically, it had grown to become more cat-like.
“Why exactly do you want to learn such a dangerous skill? Also, in terms of rank, dullahans are only behind vampires and liches you know? As if you could meet something like that out in the open.”
While I had expected this answer, I still felt a bit disappointed.
In a world where a lich owned a store and a devil worked part-time, it wouldn’t be a surprising for a dullahan to be operating a haunted house.
I’m not sure if Megumin could tell from my reaction, but she questioned me with a discomforted expression.
“What exactly are you thinking, Kazuma? If you want to learn such a powerful skill, that means you want to fight some strong opponent right? Is my power not good enough? Is there no place for my explosion magic that has buried countless demon king army generals?*
To dispel the unease of my companion, who had asked me to rely on her, I showed her my best smile.
“No, it’s not like that. Thanks, Megumin, there is indeed a use for your explosion magic. Well, in the end, I guess I can’t ask for too much huh… Alright Megumin, let’s go to the neighboring nation! Then, once we get there, we’ll fire one shot at the capital of that nation, and send a threatening letter. ‘If you don’t want to be struck by explosion magic again, then abandon your engagement with Princess Iris. As a representative of the demon king army, I do not recognize your engagement with her—’”
“Are you an idiot!? I thought you started acting weird ever since you received that letter from Iris-sama; so you were actually thinking of doing something so pointless! Could it be, that you wanted to learn the dullahan’s ‘Premonition of Death’ because you wanted to curse Iris-sama’s fiancé!? Also, where did the demon king army come from!?”
Hearing my perfect plan, Darkness suddenly got angry.
“What do you mean by pointless! Yeah, I want to use the skill to curse Iris’ fiancé from a distance. Then I’ll say, ‘Haha-n, this is the handiwork of the demon king army isn’t it? Stealing away a princess is the demon king’s job. Since you stole away the important work of the demon king, you earned his hatred. Well, here we have an archpriest that can dispel the curse, but there’s no saying when you might get cursed again. Until the demon king is defeated, I strongly recommend you cancel your engagement…’”
“The worst… You’re the worst kind of man possible! To use precious skill points to do something so stupid, do you have no shame!?”
Following Darkness, even Megumin began to berate me.
“You’re saying this to me now, after I’ve already learned the ‘escape’ and ‘cooking’ skills? Recently, in order to determine whether or not the adventurers at the guild were spreading bad rumors about me, I even learned the ‘lip reading’ skill.”
“Y-You’re really going in a direction that’s unrelated to adventuring aren’t you? Anyway, I won’t allow you to bring Megumin along to enact such a stupid plan.”
Why are people who only put points in explosion magic and defense skills telling me this?
I want to tell them that ‘Before complaining about others, please put your own points into useful skills’.
…But, unexpectedly, Aqua became the only person who wanted to be involved in my plan.
“Can I join in on your plan? Specifically, I want to know more about the part where you frame everything on the demon king army. After all, one of the daily activities of the Axis cult is to spread bad opinions about them.”
“Just to make sure, the reason the demon king attacks humanity isn’t because of the Axis cult right?”
Well, I did have my reasons to plan something like this.
The other day, I received a letter from Iris.
The letter wrote that she would go and meet her fiancé from the neighboring country for the first time, and she wanted me to be her bodyguard.
Given my obligations as her brother, there was no way I would refuse her request.
For the sake of fighting against the suspicious person that tricked my cute little sister, I sharpened my katana that I’ve never had to use before, and began to make various other preparations, but—
“Well, I guess it can’t be helped. Let us use a frontal attack. After accepting the bodyguard request, we’ll do whatever we can to prevent the worst from happening. Since I have a lot of skill points to spare, I’ll use them to learn some useful skill when the time comes for it…”
I hadn’t noticed at this moment.
As I hoisted my chin on my hand, and began to brainstorm ideas on my own, Darkness looked at me with an unscrupulous gaze.
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Part 2
The day after that happened.
“—Oi. What exactly is this supposed to mean? Explain.”
When I woke up a bit after noon, I found myself tied up on my bed.
“So you’re awake, Kazuma. Sorry about this, but for the next three days I’m going to keep you restrained. What? Don’t worry about it. You’ll be served the best food during this time, and I will take care of you personally. If there’s anything you want then I’ll tell my butlers to go buy it.”
Having invaded my room at some point, Darkness showed a proud expression in the broad daylight, all whilst saying stupid things.
The summer was about to end and the fall season was quickly approaching.
So it’s unlikely that the heat got to her head.
“What’s up with you all of a sudden? Why did you tie me up? Taking your fetish into consideration, aren’t our positions reversed? Could it be that you love me so much that you can no longer resist your urges?”
“As if I would like a fickle man like you! And don’t talk about my fetish, tying you up is completely unrelated to my personal interests.”
Darkness seemed to have lost her cool.
“You’re just as bothersome as usual. Isn’t it too late to say anything when you’ve already kissed me on the cheek? Being a dead-dere isn’t popular nowadays you know?”
“Who’s a dead-dere! Also, this is unrelated to that incident a while ago. You and I had that kind of dizzy atmosphere here and there back then, but… Well nevermind that, that’s not what we need to talk about. What we need to discuss is about Iris-sama.”
After telling me off, Darkness cleared her throat and—
“Sorry about this Kazuma. About Iris-sama’s bodyguard request that we received the other day, I’m going to send a letter to reject it. Iris-sama will be leaving for the neighboring nation in three days, so until I’ve confirmed that she’s left, I’m going to keep you tied up. So you need to act mature and persevere for now.”
With a slightly apologetic expression, she said such things…
“Are you kidding me!? That’s the reason you tied me up! At this rate, my little sister will be married to that suspicious man you know!?”
“As if you have the right to say that as a commoner whose origins are completely unknown! If you want to convince me that you’re not a suspicious man, then tell me about your past! …Yes, I’ve actually meant to ask you for a long time. In what nation were you born? Where did you learn all those strange things? Why are you lacking common sense… things like that…!”
Ignoring Darkness who began to say some troublesome things, I began to shout.
“Megumin—! Aqua—! Help me! I’m being imprisoned by a female pervert—!”
“H-, Hey, stop saying weird things! Also, too bad, those two are currently away. What’s left is to call for my retainers, and have you moved along with the bed to my home. If I let you become a bodyguard, then this nation will definitely run into some trouble with foreign relations. This is for the sake of my nation, so just be patient.”
“Just what kind of foreign relation problems will arise if I become a bodyguard! I learned the proper noble etiquette during the time I lived at the castle, so I won’t do anything disrespectful! So let me go!”
“Don’t you dare say anything! You’re the living definition of ‘disrespect’! If you act obediently, I’ll let you eat delicacies that you normally won’t be able to get your hands on. And aren’t you a NEET at heart anyway? All you have to do is lie down while I take care of you. Not a bad deal right?”
Darkness bent and looked down as though she were talking to a child, but I realized it was not the time to say that.
“… I guess you’re right. Alright, I get it.”
“Y-You get it…!? Well, a lot of trouble has happened recently. Occasionally, spending time with you like this is…”
Not too bad.
Darkness showed a bashful smile, and it seemed like she would continue to be that way—
“Well then, I’ve had an intense urge to go to the toilet for a while now, so could you do something about this quickly?”
And I, who was tied up on the bed, flatly said this.
“…Eh?”
“Don’t eh me, you said it yourself didn’t you? That you would personally take care of me. Naturally, that means taking care of ‘down under’ too right?”
“………Eh—”
Darkness froze in place, dumbfounded.
“Anyway, hurry up and follow my order. Oi Darkness, go and fetch the urine bottle.”
“Eeeeehhhh-!?”
“Don’t eeeehhh me, hurry up. Geez, this ojou-sama is really useless. Weren’t you the one who said that in the first place? Now come on, hurry up and move it already.”
This wasn’t sexual harassment.
Since I couldn’t move my body, there’s no other way.
Yes, there’s no other way.
“N-N-, No—! That’s not what I meant! It’s true that I said that I would take care of you, but that’s not what I meant, so please wait!”
“I can’t wait anymore. ‘Going to bathroom when I wake up’ is a natural phenomenon. That said, this is something that you have to do everyday alright? After all, I’m not gonna force this job on your servants who I’ve never seen or met. Now, hurry it up already.”
“Uuuum…. b-but…”
Despite her self-assured declaration a moment ago, Darkness was now bewildered.
“Ah, this is gonna get ugly, I can’t hold on any longer. How long are you gonna stay embarrassed? I helped you go to the bathroom recently as well remember? I even helped you remove your underwear and get toilet paper. We’ve already known each other for such a long time, so don’t be ashamed now. Even if it’s just the lower half, hurry up and release the binds.”
As the time of nil approached, Darkness said to me in a soft voice.
“…It can’t be released.”
“…Huh?”
Darkness lowered her head apologetically.
“I didn’t think about the problems down there. W-, What should we do, the rope I used to restrain you is a fairly powerful magic tool. It can’t be released halfway. Basically, for the next three days, you will stay…”
“You idiot! What am I gonna do!? Are you saying that for the next three days I’m gonna have to piss in my pants!? Oi stop kidding around! If that really happened to me, then I’ll make sure the same happens to you sometime alright!?”
“H-, Happens to me…”
“It’s an emergency situation so stop anticipating it! Ah, Damnit!”
Using the only functioning mind, I reaffirmed the current situation.
I was currently tied in a rubber-like rope all the way to my knees, as if I had been tied by ‘bind’ magic.
It looks easy to cut at first glance, but since she said that it was a strong magic tool, I shouldn’t expect anything.
However, it should be possible to loosen the rope.
“Oi Darkness, with your strength it should be possible to make a gap in the rope. Focus on shifting the rope tying up the lower half of my body. That way, I should be at least be able to get some sweet release.
“I-, I got it, leave it to me!”
With her face flushed red, she began to pull on the rope.
While the ropes were tied tightly around my body, she managed to make enough of a gap to pull ‘it’ out.
“Alright, good work. Now there’s a urine bottle over there so bring it over.”
“… Why do you have something like this? Why exactly would you…”
“This is something like a NEET’s best friend. After all, there are times during the winter when it’s so cold that you don’t want to get out of bed, or it’s too bothersome to go to the toilet in the morning, right? At those important junctures, it’s a treasure.”
“Just how far are you… Well nevermind, it saved us this time. I’ll put it here.”
With a perplexed expression, Darkness placed the bottle next to me…
“Oi, I can’t go like this right? There’s no way I can’t go if you don’t pull down my underwear.”
“Ehh-!?”
This girl, what does she want me to do in this situation?
“Don’t ehh me. My hands are tied up and I can’t move my body you know? In the first place, weren’t you the one who caused this situation? It’s gonna spill at this rate, so hurry up!”
“E-E-E-Even if you say that-! Ah geez…”
Appearing as though she was about to cry, Darkness averted her gaze and stretched her hands towards me.
However, as she was pulling down my pants, she showed a strange expression.
“…Hm? Oi Kazuma, your pants are being pulled by something and won’t come down. This is…”
“Sorry, it’s a physiological phenomenon that happens when waking up.”
“…………”
“Wa-, WAAAAHHHHH!”
“OWOWOWOOWWOWOWOW STOP! STOP! IT’S GONNA BREAK!”
Although I didn’t specify what it was, I completely forgot about how I happily sexually harassed Darkness just a moment ago, and began to shriek.
“What the heck are you thinking!? I almost got a class-change in gender you know!? You better remember this, after I get untied I’m definitely gonna make you cry!”
“I’ve already cried but… Hey Kazuma, shouldn’t we just give up? I mean, once Aqua comes back, we can just use her ‘Create Water’ and ‘Purification’ skills to clean it up…”
“You want me to leak!? You want me to give up everything and leak!? Is that what you’re saying!? Stop saying stupid things and move it! This won’t work if you turn your eyes away! Since this is all your fault, take responsibility and look! Come on, hurry up!”
Darkness, who looked directly at my lower half this time, once again put her hands on my pants.
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“Ku-, why did this happen….! All I wanted to do was to keep you away and protect Iris-sama…. b-but, for me – a lady of a noble family – to be forced to do something so precarious, and to be ordered to look down there… This situation isn’t too bad, now that I think about it…”
“Oi, stop saying stupid things to yourself and move it! There’s no time! No, I’m done for, I can’t hold on any longer!”
“W-, Wait Kazuma, I’ll help you right now alright!? Since it’s come to this, we might as well get this over with quickly! Ah geez, if Megumin or Aqua see this…”
Then, when Darkness said such—
I felt a gaze looking this way. Turning around to look, I saw Aqua shuddering in surprise. The look on her face was like a housekeeper who saw everything ‘unfold’.
“Awawawawawawa…. To think that Darkness and Kazuma developed such a relationship… Well, I’m gonna go to the guild and announce it to everyone ok!?”
““WAIT!””
“—Fu, you saved me Aqua. I was almost forced to leak by this perverted girl over here.”
After Aqua used her magic to release the binds of the magic tool, I returned to the room with a refreshed feeling. Looking as if she was about to cry, Darkness murmured.
“Uu… I-, I’m not a perverted girl…”
“Well I don’t really care about the details since this isn’t the first time that Darkness has been a pervert, but just what kind of play were you guys doing?”
“A-, Aqua!?”
For some reason, Darkness seemed to be shocked by what Aqua said. Ignoring her, I explained to Aqua.
“Recently, we got a bodyguard request letter from Iris right? And like, for some reason, Darkness is really against me accepting the request, so she decided to tie and lock me up in her own house. After amusing herself with me for a while, she planned to reject the request.”
“Darkness, if you’re gonna do that, then of course you deserve to be called a perverted girl, you know?”
“Just who is gonna amuse themselves with you! …But this time around, it’s actually really bad. The person Iris-sama is engaged to is the first prince of the neighboring nation, Elroad. Furthermore, it seems like this prince is also extremely troublesome to deal with. If you act like you usually do, and do something disrespectful, there’ll surely be some foreign affairs problems.”
A troublesome first prince.
Now that I’ve heard that, there’s all the more reason to protect Iris.
Hearing that, Aqua’s eyes began to glimmer and shine.
“Elroad? Did you just say Elroad? Are we going to the nation of casinos, Elroad?”
I didn’t really get why, but it seems that the name of that nation had pulled at Aqua’s heartstrings.
Well, to be fair, the ‘nation of casinos’ had a nice ring to it.
Seeing Aqua’s unprecedented behavior, Darkness’ expression froze up.
“Aqua, just making sure that you know, but if we’re going, we’ll be performing this bodyguard request, and not to play around alright? That’s right, if you want to go to the casinos in Elroad that badly, then let’s all go there another time for a vacation! Since everyone has a lot of money, we don’t really need to work while we’re there, we can just go there to genuinely play around!”
Although Darkness desperately tried to convince her, just looking at Aqua’s expression was enough for anyone to know that she had already set her mind on it.
I nodded my head in satisfaction—
“Alright, it seems that Aqua also wants to accept this request! Well then, after Megumin comes back, why don’t we take a majority vote? Well, even if I say that, since we haven’t done any quests or travelled anywhere recently, I don’t think she’s gonna be against it!”
“Uuuuu…”
Seeing Darkness hold her head with her hands, I showed a confident smile.
Part 3
“No.”
Evening that day—
I’m not sure whether she went to release her daily dose of explosion magic, but Yunyun had carried Megumin home. In an exhausted state she flatly rejected me.
Around the time we returned from slaying Wolbach, she had become rebellious.
Even though she usually forces me to accompany her on her explosion walks, recently, she’s only gone with Yunyun.
“What do you mean by ‘no’? Even though, you’re always the first one to agree, saying that ‘I want to defeat a powerful enemy I’ve never seen before’, why not this time?”
Megumin, who sunk into the sofa in the living room, slightly turned her head to look at Aqua and Darkness preparing dinner in the kitchen. Then, she glanced at me, and said.
“There’s no particular reason. Geez, this man. Normally, you’re unwilling to work even if we force you. So why is it you choose to accept the request immediately once Iris gets involved?”
What she said was unusually laudable. In a provoking manner, I replied.
“Oh, what’s with you? Jealous?”
But Megumin didn’t get angry like she usually would. Instead, she looked at me straight in the eye and said.
“Yes, I’m jealous. Since all that has happened, shouldn’t you pay a little more attention to me?”
“Eh… Ah, right.”
Without a hint of playfulness in her expression, Megumin replied in a frank manner. Instead, I was the one’s whose face felt hot with a troubled expression.
What she meant by ‘all that’ was probably the night of that day, where we almost crossed the line.
Rather, was she the type of person to say something like this?
She would usually burst out in anger or lose all composure. I felt that she was an unrestrained sort of person.
“Kazuma, does Iris really weigh on your mind that much?”
Replying to Megumin, who was staring at me—
“N-, No well, I just can’t help but feel worried about that girl. Rather than someone of the opposite gender, I worry about her because she – due of her position – tends to worry too much about how people think. As a result, she’s not allowed to do anything selfish, and I can’t help but get the feeling that she’s always lonely. So that’s why I care so much about my little sister.”
I might be a NEET, but I’m not a lolicon.
I only see Iris as a cute little sister.
Though, in the future when she grows up; if she tells me that she wants to be onii-chan’s bride, then I won’t hesitate to fulfill her wish.
Towards Megumin’s unexpected words, I began to talk faster, and worried about whether or not my face became red.
“Well but, if you really don’t want to then I’ll think of some other way. If we’re gonna go be bodyguards, then I want everyone to go. It’s a shame that I won’t be able to see Iris, but…”
“Let’s accept.”
Then, Megumin cut me off, and released a short sigh.
“I’m also bothered by that girl. Just now, I was feeling a bit jealous. That’s all.”
“O-, Oh.”
What should I say about her frank goodwill?
The edges of my ears felt really hot.
Having fallen into the clutches of a girl younger than myself, I began to consider whether I should use ‘Freeze’ on my hot face. As I was pondering, Darkness and Aqua brought the food out from the kitchen.
“Oh you’re home Megumin. We’re having a feast tonight! …What happened Kazuma, your face is flushed you know?”
“N-N-, Nothing happened! Right Megumin!?”
In contrast to me, whose face was flushed red, Megumin bore a composed expression, as she showed a gentle smile to Darkness.
Why did she act so dignified now? Doesn’t that make me, who seems so uneasy, look like an idiot?
“You know, Megumin, if you came home earlier, you would have seen an interesting sight. When I got back, Darkness had Kazuma tied up in a bed, and was about to amuse herself using him.”
“Oho?”
Hearing Aqua’s needless statements, Megumin’s expression seemed to twitch.
“Wait, Aqua, I didn’t plan to amuse myself using him! It’s true that I tied him up, but like I explained before…”
Darkness, who was carrying the plates, took a short glance at Megumin, and hurriedly began to explain, but—
“No, if Aqua had come home any later, then Darkness was gonna pull down my pants. She really saved me you know?”
“Wha—!?”
As I added on, Megumin’s eye began to shine a bright crimson.
“…Well, Darkness is in heat all year round, and while what she does to whoever has no relation to me whatsoever, she’s still the lady of a great family. That’s why I can’t approve of her forcing herself onto men, really—!”
“N-N-N-N-No…! It’s not like that Megumin, there are circumstances! Also, don’t say that I’m in heat all year round!”
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While Darkness hurriedly explained herself, the rest of us already had our eyes on the food.
“Hm, are you curious about this Kazuma? As expected of someone who goes with me to food festivals, your eye for food is quite good. Yes, our dinner for tonight is blowfish! Not only that, this in particular is known as the king of blowfish, ‘paradise blowfish’. Although its poison is a stage stronger, it’s a delicacy that’s rated by gourmets as ‘I don’t care if I die after eating this’! Also, the blowfish is currently in season as well.”
“I’m not sure whether the blowfish’s name is talking about what happens while you’re eating it, or after that. Well, to think that you had a license for blowfish preparation… I thought that you were a person with a lot of talents, but this is really something else huh?”
Megumin and I quickly seated ourselves, and looked at the dish with glimmering eyes.
Blowfish sashimi, blowfish hot pot, egg custard.
A side dish that looked like soft roe, as well as an earthenware brazier with blowfish fins.
Faced with these mouth-watering dishes, I couldn’t resist any longer, and stretched my hand out to…
“No way I would have a license. Tell me if your body feels a bit numb ok? I’ll cast detoxification magic.”
“Oi.”
It’s because of things like these that I don’t like the roughness of this alternate world.
I quickly returned the egg custard that I took, but then, I heard a clinking sound from beside me.
“Tasty tasty.”
“Don’t eat it, the poison hasn’t been filtered out you know!?”
Megumin, who had also taken the egg custard, ate it with an expression of joy.
Not only that, at some point, Darkness had stabbed a blowfish sashimi with the fork, and fed it into her mouth.
For real? Don’t these guys feel any hesitation?
Could it be that the people living in this world all eat blowfish with detoxification magic?
Since this was a world with magic, it does make sense, but…
As if to get revenge for messing with her, Darkness showed a crude smile towards me, and said:
“What is it Kazuma? You’re afraid of poison despite being an adventurer? With Aqua, whose first-rate only when it comes to priest skills, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“Hey Darkness, did you just say ‘only when it comes to priest skills’?”
“Not at all.”
Saying that, Darkness moved on to the next dish.
Next to me, Megumin took the soup from the hot pot, and sipped it with joy.
……Blowfish huh?
Now that I think about it, I didn’t eat blowfish back when I was in Japan.
“That’s right. Other things aside, your healing magic is really first-class. Alright!”
“Hey Kazuma, did you just say ‘other things aside’?”
“Not at all. …This is tasty! What is this, this is super tasty!”
Eating the blowfish hot pot, I couldn’t help but vocalize my feelings for its taste.
With my vocabulary, I could only describe this as ‘super tasty’.
Seeing us, Aqua showed an extremely satisfied smile.
“It’s nice that you’re all happy. Originally, these blowfish were meant to be used by Cecily for attracting new believers. Her amazing strategy involved attracting passersby with the charm of this blowfish. Then, once they eat it, with the condition of detoxification magic, she will force them to convert to the Axis cult. Well, she was taken away by the police for some reason.”
“So you were planning to do something like that? Didn’t I tell you to cut your relations with that girl?”
But well, it’s thanks to her that we get to taste this blowfish delicacy, so she has my appreciation.
By the time I moved on to eat the thinly cut blowfish sashimi, Aqua had already grilled the blowfish fins and made the hirezake. She then began to drink.
Aqua, who drank hirezake with the blowfish roe as an accompaniment, no longer seemed like a goddess or a heroine. Rather, she was the spitting image of a middle aged uncle.
“By the way, don’t the organs of the blowfish have particularly strong poison? Don’t get caught up and eat too much okay? Your presence is meaningless if you – the magic user – are paralyzed and can’t move when it matters alright?”
“Idiot, what I’m wearing are divine treasures you know? It’s an amazing article that can nullify any harmful conditions. There’s no way the poison of a blowfish could have any effect you know?”
Now that I think about it, we had this conversation before didn’t we?
I was worried that there would be a flaw in this, considering this person, but if it’s like this, then…!
––––How much blowfish have I managed to enjoy?
“Fufufu, fhat’s up Kafuma. At may fevel, may resistasnce to roison is quite…”
“Your tongue is so numb I can’t even tell what you’re saying.”
Hearing Darkness, who wasn’t able to talk clearly after eating a vast amount of the most poisonous parts, I decided it was about time to cast detox magic.
Suddenly, something leaned heavily against me.
In front of everyone, Megumin, whose face was flushed red, leaned her head on my shoulder with a fawning expression plastered on her face…
“Hm- Oi Aqua! This firl ish… Eh, I fan’t speak clearly…”
Turning to look at Aqua, the blood ran from my face.
Aqua’s face was plastered to the table.
What happened to this girl’s divine treasure? Didn’t it nullify poison!?
Darkness, who noticed the current state of the situation, hurriedly lifted Aqua off the table and…!”
“Suhaha—”
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“You liffle, don’t fet drunk so fuickly! Get up! I shed get up—!”
Part 4
The next morning—
“Hey Kazuma, do you really want to take Iris-sama’s request? Let me explain. Even if we disregard your disrespectful attitude, I think that with our actual abilities, we’ll probably fail the bodyguard request. What other party besides ours would be almost wiped out by blowfish?”
“What happened yesterday was not a failure as adventurers, so it doesn’t count. We’re the ones that have defeated the most demon king army generals in this world, and the number one party of Axel. No one can complain about us.”
After almost being wiped out from food poisoning yesterday, we completed our preparations to travel to the capital, and went to the teleport store in Axel.
“Aqua went to drop Emperor Zell and Chomusuke off somewhere, but she’s late isn’t she? Did something happen?”
We were currently waiting for Aqua, who went to drop off Emperor Zell and Chomusuke at Wiz’s store.
That girl didn’t start a fight with Vanir did she?
As I was pondering this, Aqua, who carried her luggage on her back, finally arrived.
“I’ve dropped them off. When that depraved masked guy saw Chomusuke, he said ‘Ohoho, Moi looked away for a mere moment, but another interesting development has occurred ho!? FUHAHAHAHAHA!’ and started rolling around or something. Well, there shouldn’t be any problems either way.”
What did he mean by interesting?
Could that thing actually become that onee-san when it grows up?
Although I was really curious, this wasn’t the time for that.
“Oi, you guys, let me be the one to talk with the teleport store’s owner. I’ve wanted to complain about this place since forever.”
“Complain? You, did you have some sort of fight with the store owner?”
Darkness inquired with suspicion. Without replying, I opened the doors to the teleport store.
I recalled what happened a couple months ago.
After having been forcibly separated with my Iris, my little sister, I tried to meet her in secret.
“Yo old geezer, I’m here again! Could you please teleport me to the capital?”
“Welco-… Aren’t you the wanted man, Satou Kazuma!? Didn’t I already tell you that you’re not allowed to teleport to the capital!? Is your memory that bad!?”
Eavesdropping on our conversation, Darkness was speechless.
“Y-, You, I look away for a moment and you tried to go meet Iris-sama?”
“Yeah. I don’t know whether or not it’s the handiwork of that noble named Claire, but I’m apparently not allowed to teleport to the capital. But not this time. Here old guy, look at this! This is a written invitation from royalty. This is official, so don’t get it dirty alright!?”
Saying this, I took out the letter from Iris. The store owner showed an expression of raw detest.
“Is this real? You didn’t forge this somewhere right? A while ago, you even threatened me by saying ‘If you mess with me, who’s related to the Dustiness family, something bad’s gonna happen’, remember?”
“Oi Kazuma, come here for a moment. I want to have a word with you.”
“I refuse. Oi old geezer, this girl here is the lady of the Dustiness house. Look, if you live in this city, you should have some impression of her right? Then you know I wasn’t lying right?”
I asked these questions whilst resisting Darkness’ pull. On the other hand, the store owner’s face turned paler by the second.
Seeing the store owner’s reaction, Darkness desperately pulled me to a corner of the store.
“Don’t just tell me ‘I refuse’! Hey Kazuma, you didn’t use my name to do any weird things right? You didn’t abuse the authority of my family to do anything, right?”
“I didn’t do anything more than mention your name when Aqua was kicked out of a high-class restaurant because of her clothing ok?”
“I didn’t do anything more than say that ‘I would have a word with Darkness’ if the carpenters refused to perform maintenance and reconstruction on the Axis cult’s church.”
“I didn’t do anything more than say that ‘this is something that Lalatina-ojou-sama will eat, so please give me the tasty parts please’ when I was buying the ingredients for dinner.”
Hearing what we said, Darkness powerlessly fell to the floor.
She covered her face with her hands, as if to hide her embarrassment. She looked like as though she was going to burst into tears.
Seeing Darkness’ guilty and pitiful visage, the store owner said with a caring tone.
“Judging from that reaction, I can see that you are a member of the Dustiness house. Uhm, about your request to teleport to the capital, I won’t charge you, so…”
“Oh, excuse me then—”
“I’ll pay! I’ll pay the full price! I can’t allow myself to cause anymore trouble for the citizens of this town!”
Interrupting me, who accepted the offer as if it was a given, Darkness jumped to her feet and retrieved her purse.
“Oi Kazuma, I have a lot of things to ask you after we finish this request. Mark my words. The same goes for the two of you over there! Don’t try to pretend that you’re not involved!”
The three of us surrounded Darkness, who promptly moved to pay the store owner, and pushed her into the magic circle.
“Geez, what a stubborn ojou-sama. As your party members, aren’t we basically family? We give and we take, and we help each other in times of need. Regardless of whether you’re a noble or not, our attitudes won’t change. That’s what it means to be companions you see. When the time comes, feel free to use my name as the number one adventurer of Axel as well.”
“That right Darkness. Tell me anytime you want to borrow the authority of the Axis church. I’ll help you out.”
“Darkness, although I was a bit surprised when I found out that you were a noble, to me, Darkness is just the Darkness I know. If you’d like to borrow of the power of the Crimson Magic clan, feel free to talk to me. I can write a letter to everyone in the village.”
Hearing what we said, Darkness showed a genuinely happy expression for a fleeting moment.
“Y-, You guys…! …Hm? No wait, this is strange! No matter how I think about it, there won’t be a time where I need to borrow anyone’s name or the power of the Axis church or the Crimson Magic clan…”
As Darkness made a senseless fuss, we moved onto the teleport circle, and stood on standby.”
It was then—
“Hey Kazuma, did you know this? Apparently, when teleporting, there’s a small chance for a rare accident to happen that causes you fuse with other small animals that get inside the magic circle! According to some rumors, this is how werewolves and lamias are made you see! You see!”
Aqua, as if to scare me, suddenly said things like this, but…
“Then next time, why don’t we capture three or so goblins and teleport them with you? If the fusion goes correctly, I think your intelligence might increase.”
“What are you saying you stupid NEET. You’re the one that needs to teleport with ants and raise your body to NEET ratio.”
“Ah, uhm… An accident will really happen, so please stand still in the circle…”
As the store owner timidly muttered with a troubled expression, I gave him the signal.
“Alright old geezer, send us to the capital!”
Until now, all big requests that I’ve undertaken were all a matter of circumstance.
But not this time.
I have accepted this on my own accord, for the sake of keeping a prince I haven’t seen before away from my little sister.
“Wha, wait…!”
Ignoring Darkness, who seemed to have some complaint, the store owner chanted the magic at us.
“‘Teleport’!”
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