****
“My Lady, you’re so beautiful!”
Velvet exclaimed as she looked at me in the mirror. She was more excited about the party than I was, and so were the other maids.
Regardless of what she said, laughter broke out everywhere.
“The main character of today’s party will be Young Lady no matter what.”
“Of course she is. No one can compare with the Lady of Tiodurop.”
“Oh, yes. I’m sure they’ll be envious of our Young Lady.”
In the past I would have been enamored of the debutantes, but now I couldn’t even control my expression. I felt like a cow being taken to the slaughterhouse. Was it really a nightmare I was having? I blinked slowly and saw my reflection in the mirror. I had dressed myself up for the morning and looked more beautiful than ever, but my face did not look happy at all.
‘I think it was a dream. No, it must be a dream.’
Today was a special day, because the successor of the Tiodurop family, hidden behind a veil, would finally be revealed to the world. I had to look more perfect than ever. And yet I closed my eyes, unable to look at myself in the mirror. I tried to forget, but I couldn’t.
The more I tried to erase it, the more vivid the memory felt, as if it happened only a moment ago.
“Are you sure you’re alright, My Lady?”
Velvet looked at me carefully, as if she thought I was out of character. I felt like crying, but I held back my tears. I was very worried that the dream would become reality. I wanted to run away from everything if I could. I was afraid that I would feel the despair of having to fall into the abyss at the happiest moment of my life once again.
“Should I call a doctor?”
“Yes, I think I should take a break…”
I couldn’t finish what I was going to say and kept my lips tightly shut. If I ran away now, I would have to admit that the dream was real.
“No, I’m fine. “
“My Lady…”
“I’m really fine.”
I didn’t want to… I didn’t want to accept the fact that this terrible life was the future I was given. In the end, all I could do was shake my head and close my eyes tightly.
****
“You look beautiful today, Charlotte”, my father said, holding out his hand gently and asking to escort me. I looked blankly at my father’s big hand. The dream was too vivid and frightening for me to smile as brightly as I usually did. My father, who had always been so kind to me, had changed after the appearance of the real Charlotte.
My father pretended to be there for me, but it was only a pretense. It was my father, of all people, who had turned me into an impostor who pretended to be the daughter of the Duke of Tiodurop.
“Thank you, father,” I said, smiling politely at him and then quickly looked away. I wasn’t confident that I could keep my eyes on him.
“It seems as if it were only yesterday that I found you, so it’s strange to see you so big, and I’m afraid now that after your debut the capital will be at your mercy. I have a headache just thinking how many suitors will be dazzled by you.”
“Charlotte?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I haven’t been feeling very well since this morning.”
I smiled awkwardly and averted my eyes.
“Are you unwell? Where are you going? If you had told me earlier, I would have called a doctor……… No, no. You should see a doctor now.”
“No, it’s not that bad. And there’s an important moment coming soon.”
I shook my head hastily and took a step back.
“If you insist, then so be it. But if you feel any worse, you must tell me at once. Nothing could be more important than you.”
“Yes, of course.”
In my normal life, I would have felt good about my father’s concern. Now I have only a forced smile.
“Come on, Charlotte.”
“Yes, Father.”
My father called me with a warm smile, and didn’t have any idea how I felt. I took a step to catch up with my father’s pace. From here, I could see the party hall on the first floor through the glass walls. Guests were already crowded at the party venue, where the glamorous chandeliers sparkled.
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
“It’s so beautiful…” I murmured as usual.
I had always dreamed of a dazzling party place, but the contradiction made me feel miserable now.
“This is just the beginning,” he said, “because soon all this will be yours.”
My father grasped my hand firmly.
“Shall we?”
“Of course.”
“You’re my only daughter, Charlotte. You deserve everything. You’ll do fine. You always have and you always will. You’ve never let me down before.”
My father was right, I’ve always been a good daughter.
****
I never once rebelled, I always tried the best I could to live up to my father’s expectations. That’s what he was always proud of.
“Father, are you proud of me?”
“You’re going off on a tangent. Of course you’re my pride.”
“Really?”
“I know better than anyone how hard you have tried. So straighten your shoulders, like the daughter of the Duke of Tiodurop.”
What if I’m not the daughter of Duke Tiodurop? Would I still be able to make my father proud? I looked earnestly at my father and clasped his hands.
“It is not like you to be weak-hearted before an important event. Don’t be anxious; you are Charlotte, Duke Tiodurop’s daughter. There is nothing to be afraid of.”
My father’s hand clasped mine tightly. But that was not enough to calm my fears. I needed to be sure. That was not the answer I wanted to hear. I only wanted to hear my father say to me……
“Your Grace!”
‘What is all the fuss about all of a sudden?”
Felio, my father’s lieutenant, glanced at me, and said in a low voice, so that only my father could hear.
“That is…. “
And as I watched him, I gasped reflexively. I tried to deny it, but I was used to everything that had happened. The events of the dream were repeating themselves. Now, the news that Felio was going to tell my father was ………I couldn’t keep thinking and bit my lower lip. The dream I had was not just a dream. It was the future. But even though I was convinced that it was not all a dream, my eyes were still on my father.
I couldn’t help but remember vividly the look on my father’s face as he watched me suffer from the poison, and the way he turned his back on my outreached hand until the end. From the moment I stepped into the Tiodurop family as Charlotte, he was my whole world. It would be too cruel to ask him now not to see everything in my world.
“I’m sorry. Charlotte. It seems that this father will have to leave his seat for a while.”
Before I knew it, he had stepped away from me. I instinctively reached out to him. In a panic, I took him by the arm and pleaded to him.
“Don’t go, father.”
“Charlotte.”
I’ve never embarrassed my father, and I didn’t want to. A good daughter wouldn’t do that. I could not do anything against my father’s teaching. But now I couldn’t afford to think about it. I didn’t want to let go of my father’s hand even if I died.
As soon as I let go of his hand, I felt like everything was going to end.
“It’s almost my birthday. Can’t you just stay with me until the party starts?”
I tried to speak plainly, but I started to cry. I realised now that this was the first request I had ever made to my father.
“Charlotte.”
“You promised to be the first to wish me a happy birthday.”
I knew I was being childish. I knew that nothing would change just because I begged him. Still, I couldn’t let go of him because I was hoping. If I did a little better……..If only I’d been a better daughter… I knew it wasn’t my fault, but all I could do was blame myself. If I didn’t blame myself, I would have hated my father. But I didn’t want to hate my father. I just loved him and wanted to love him forever.
“It’s almost my birthday. Will you stay with me just for a moment, just for ten minutes?”
I didn’t expect much. All I had to go on was the hope that my father loved me. With that, I could dismiss everything as a nightmare.
“Don’t behave like a child, Charlotte.”
It was only a refrain. My father struck my hand coldly and I bit my lip in dismay.
“I’m sorry. I’ll be back before the party starts.”
My father finally tapped me on the shoulder and whispered softly. But the hope in my heart had long since collapsed. Once again my father did not keep his promise to me. Like in a dream, I looked at my father in the distance and smiled disappointedly. Then I thirsted even more to know what would happen afterwards.
When the party started, my father didn’t come back. Because the real Charlotte had returned. I wanted to think of it all as a bad nightmare, but I knew it was not. I knew that what I had experienced was not just a dream. As soon as I accepted this fact, I felt suffocated and choked.
“No, I’m still fine. If it turned out that Charlotte is a fake…”
No, what was I thinking now? I stood alone on the stage, holding only the hem of my innocent skirt. From the beginning, it didn’t matter whether the Charlotte I knew was real or not. The reality was that I was a fake and could always be abandoned if the real Charlotte appeared. A substitute can always be replaced.
“Ha ha ha…”
I laughed awkwardly and leaned against the railing. I was sad now, and I felt sorry for myself. But I was still stamping my feet, unable to let go of my regrets. I sat down and covered my face with my hands. I didn’t want to admit it, but now it was time to accept it.
There was no place for me here.
****