***
Through my deafened ears, I heard his confessing voice.
“I don’t have the qualifications to hold your hand. I can’t do it because I’ll put you in danger. So…”
He paused for a moment. His voice, which started again, was filled with deep pain.
“So… don’t approach me. Don’t hold my hand or think that a monster like me as your father.”
His voice fell even lower. He kept whispering to me but I couldn’t understand. As if he was placing a spell.
“Just use me. I’ll do whatever you want, so use me as much as your heart desires. Throw me away once I become useless.”
“…”
“Even if you do that, it’s fine child.”
I forced myself to focus. But I could only see his hazy silhouette through my barely open eyes. He was smiling as if it was the first time he had ever smiled in his life.
But why am I crying?
I didn’t realize that Cheonma was thinking that way. I thought that he was staying away from me because he was an emotionless creature.
Come to think of it, it made sense. He had enemies everywhere and his enemies wanted him to have weaknesses that they could exploit. As soon as he showed any affection toward me, I’ll be his only weakness and would be exposed to danger. His affection was no better than poison to me in this situation.
‘But…’
Even if he was afraid, he stared at my hand with a firm look. Maybe he was holding his breath because I couldn’t hear it.
I slowly raised my other hand. That act alone made it harder to breathe.
His red eyes zeroed on me. There was a sign that he wanted to step back at any moment.
‘Don’t avoid me. Please.’
Was my wish transmitted to him? He didn’t move.
Rather, as my arm failed to touch him, he hesitated a little, then bowed his head.
His smooth cheeks touched my hand. I stroked his cheeks slowly.
“I okay. I okay (I’m fine, I’m fine).”
Cheonma slowly closed his eyes. I felt his tears fall on my face.
I held on to his cheeks until I lost consciousness. Cheonma did not avoid my hands until the end.
—————————————————–
I felt like I was going to die when I closed my eyes.
“…Huh?”
When I opened my eyes, my whole body felt light, like a feather. I felt so … powerful. I didn’t feel this healthy since I was born.
Hoho, I must have been treated properly?
“…”
But why does it seem like my eyesight got better?
My eyesight was clear as if a layer of grime had been peeled off from my eyes. Not only could I see the dust floating in the air, but also I could even see as far as the speck of dirt on the corner of the ceiling.
‘Am I seeing things?’
As I rubbed my eyes, I heard Seoyoung’s voice.
“Young Miss! Are you awake?”
Turning around, I saw Seoyoung’s rough and exhausted face enter the room. She must have been really worried.
Feeling sorry, I mustered up a radiant smile. As I did so, Seoyoung collapsed as if the strings controlling her legs were cut off.
“Ah ah! Young Miss… I thought you were in deep trouble. How much I… How much I…”
Seoryung couldn’t speak and just shed heavy tears. Then suddenly, she opened her eyes and grabbed my shoulder.
“Do you know how scared I was? Don’t ever do that again! You can use my body as a shield, but don’t come forward to save me! Just leave me to die! You understand? Young Miss, promise me!”
She must have been very shocked when I stepped out of her arms and stood up to Bing Eun-seol.
“Sorry, it is completely my fault… What? My pronunciation…?”
Maybe my tongue fully finally developed, but my pronunciation came out too accurately.
I was surprised that my eyes popped out. Of course, I thought Seoyoung would be surprised, but her response was strange.
She avoided my gaze. Even her tears had dried up as well.
“… you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s because the adults you were with were bad people. It’s not your place to apologize. Don’t apologize. I just need you to make a promise with this servant.”
“I got it. I’ll promise… Wait, that’s not the important issue, nanny! My pronunciation is weird?”
“Oh, this servant thinks it’s fine? Of course, our Young Miss is a genius. It’s only pronunciation. You can work it out overnight.”
What does that have to do with the development of tongue muscles?
I stared blankly at Seoyoung because I was dumbfounded.
“You know, I mean… oh, yes! I’ll grab the thin rice gruel that I prepared.”
Something felt fishy as I watched Seoyoung’s back quickly disappear. Something is really fishy.
In any case, I guess I have to stop pretending to be stupid?
Well, since there’s no Bing Eun-seol, I don’t need to quake in my boots. Actually, I was embarrassed every time I spoke because of my pronunciation. I don’t know the exact reason behind Seoyoung’s behavior, but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt.
“Young Miss, I brought the rice gruel. Say ahh.”
“Ahh.”
I opened my mouth like a baby bird and ate the gruel.
By the way, where’s Cheonma? In fact, when I opened my eyes, I thought Chunma might be around.
However, only the venue had changed, Seoyoung and I were the only ones left.
Was it a dream? Was it all a dream that Cheonma confessed to me not to approach him, or that he stroked my cheeks?
At that moment, I was probably hallucinating. Not because of abuse, but because I hated myself for putting Seoyoung in danger.I was so desperate for someone’s help that I had a dream that Cheonma came out just in time to save me.
I was relieved to think that it was just a dream. I’m going to escape from the magyos anyway. It was better not to care about anyone but Seoyoung.
I put down my glass of water, concealing my disappointment.
“What happened to that woman?”
I never called Bing Eun-seol a mother. I never did from the beginning. Seoyoung, who at first admonished me for not calling her mother, stopped doing so at some point in time.
“Oh, Young Miss, do you have to wash up? I’ll get the water right away, so please wait a little bit.”
Seoyoung avoided my eyes again and suddenly started to bustle around. Her reaction gave me a sense of what had happened without having to ask.
‘She must have died’
She was trapped in a room with her limbs amputated, so she couldn’t have lasted long anyways. When I was abused, I cursed her to die countless times, but I didn’t feel good when it actually happened.
Perhaps noticing how I felt, Seoyoung turned to me awkwardly.
“Well, you still smell good even though you haven’t bathed in a month.”
“A month?”
I was in a coma for an entire month?
My eyes opened in astonishment. Seoyoung tilted her head and clapped her hands.
“Ah of course! I didn’t tell you yet did I? Young Miss finally woke up after being in a coma for a month.”
What did I go through that I had to stay in a coma for a month? The small amount of compassion that I had for Bing Eun-seol disappeared. People who use violence against children should not be paid back evenly.
Ten times. No. Not even a hundred times was not enough payback. I wiped out my feelings about Bing Eun-seol and went into the bathroom.
Soon after…
“What, what is this?”
When I saw my face in the mirror, I lost my composure.
Disregarding my new strangely-pretty face, the problem was my eyes. My black eyes had turned pale blue.
“My… What’s wrong with my eyes?”
“Well, uh, you were in a critical condition, so you were administered some special medicines. You can think of it as a side-effect. It doesn’t hurt, does it?”
“No, it doesn’t hurt… but where are you looking, nanny?”
Seoyoung was speaking to thin air, not me. This was the third time she had avoided eye contact.
“Huh? No, I think there’s something over there… oh my, the water’s going to cool down. Come on in.”
It’s still steaming, how can I come in and wash now!?
Seoyoung lifted me suspiciously and put me in the tub.
“Hot! … Ara? It’s not hot?”
“It’s it the right temperature? Since you don’t have to worry about getting burned, I set it hotter than usual. This temperature should be good.”
I opened my eyes wide.
“Why?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why won’t I get burned anymore?”
Seoyoung mumbled with a prickly expression.
“… since I’m taking good care of you.”
“Really?”
“Yes…”
“Really?”
“Y..yes of course!”
Seoyoung’s face looked like she was about to burst into tears. If I asked her more questions now, I think she’ll really cry. Instead of harassing Seoyoung, I started pondering over the strange events.
I didn’t know anything about what was going on.
The reality was the North Sea Ice Palace had declared blood retaliation against Cheonma.