*Warning: this chapter contains mention of self-harm.
“Grab your guns!”
“The sand dunes! They’re coming from there!”
Immediately, Alex pressed Deertes’ head to the floor. The sand was soft but cold on her face. She remembered the day where she had laid down at the king’s feet at the palace of Ramedes. She had never once raised her head and simply came to the land as she was told. And yet, once again, she was being forced down without any resistance.
As soon as she remembered that, her head was quickly filled with so much anger, shame as humiliation that she herself was astonished. Struggling against Alex’s grip, she could hear lines of vulgarities from his mouth but she did not care. After all, he had no time to hit her right now anyway.
Deertes raised her head and looked towards the sand dunes. Numerous black figures can be seen atop it. At first glance, the number of such figures was not small.
“Don’t even think about fleeing! Lie down!”
Deertes was not even running yet she felt out of breath. This was her opportunity, she had to get out of there by all means. Glancing around, she looked to see which direction would be most suitable for her to run toward.
Tak!
Sand splashed as a bullet missed its target and hit the wrong spot. Her movements paused. Sand filled her mouth from when she opened it to gasp. Before Deertes realised, her veil had been torn.
Taking it off roughly, Deertes surveyed her surroundings.
Her head filled with the sounds of screams and shouts. Sand that was stuck to her cheeks fell into her hands. She could not help but wonder just how many more times she would have to experience such hellish days.
‘Should I just die like this?’
Deertes thought as bullets poured continuously. Until a while ago, she had been thinking of her family and Serene, but now, she hated it. It would not be so bad to just die to get out of this situation. She could see the bullets continuing to pour from the sides. Finally wiggling her way out of his grip…
“You idiot! Where are you going?”
A hand reached to pull her hair as she was about to get up. It was a rough and desperate attempt to reach her. Deertes turned around and saw a woman holding onto her. Cinder Redhill, who was the first to be thrown into the auction, was sitting beside her. Taking a look at Deertes’ face, she sighed in disarray.
“If you go out there right now, you’ll die. Shut up and stay still until this is all over.”
“Well, who knows if the newcomers will be the ones who kill us this time around…”
“Don’t talk rubbish. We won’t die.”
Cinder assured before grabbing hold of Deertes’ head and turned it.
“They’re not just randomly shoot, they’re shooting at those babies.”
At least that was what Cinder said. The women were lying on their stomachs screaming but that was about it. The men on the other hand were lying face down on the ground bleeding. In other words, the people atop the sand dunes were not mindlessly attacking anything that moves.
‘Well, maybe after they’re done with the males they’ll start pointing towards the female…’
If they were after the women as well, this would just mean that the hell they had experienced would just happen all over again.
“Whoever they are, at least they’ll probably be better than him.”
Cinder giggled as she pointed towards a man lying in the sand. Blood was oozing out of the man’s forehead as he lied facing towards the sky. It was the same man that had bought Cinder at the auction.
“Yeah, you too… Hopefully, they’ll be better than him as well.”
She remarked, this time pointing towards Alex who was still pointing his gun and shooting at the sand dunes. Deertes wondered where Cinder’s conviction resonated from.
“How are you so sure about that?”
“There are multiple bodies that have been shot in the head. The ones shooting must be well-trained.”
Cinder commented, glancing at Deertes with a look that seemed to radiate ‘I’m the world’s greatest nerd!’
Listening to her words, Deertes took a closer look at the fallen men. Their lifeless eyes and immobile body cause a shiver down her spine as fear set in.
The back of one of the man’s head was pierced through so badly it seemed as if someone had dug it out. The white and red jelly-like substances next to it must have come out of his head.
“Urgh!”
Deertes covered clasped a hand over her mouth as the smell of gunpowder and a fishy scent filled her nostrils. She could not stop the bile rising from her stomach. The hard-to-eat potato soon ended up on the sand as she vomited. The foul scent continued to make Deertes gag and choke.
Meanwhile, more of the men fell. It was clear which side would stand victorious. Shouts were heard as a handful attempted to flee towards the beach. Not long after, they too fell down with a thud.
‘Good, if you continue doing that…’
Deertes thought, relieved to see the fugitives’ failed attempts at escaping when she suddenly felt her body being lifted by a pair of rough hands.
“I’ll be taking you with me! As long as it’s with you!”
Alex proclaimed as he hoisted her onto his back, eyes blazing. Deertes tried to get out of his grip but to no avail. His hand was gripped tightly, not loosening one bit, as if there were nothing else he could hold onto.
Seeing the numbers in Alex’s gang decrease as more turned to run away in a hurry, Deertes had thought he would abandon her and run away himself if she were to hold on any longer. Thinking in that manner, Deertes reached for Cinder, shouting.
“Help me!”
“…”
However, Cinder did not budge at all, her gaze looking past and far away from Deertes’ hand. The moment they made eye contact, Deertes could read the words that seemed to appear on her face.
Why should I help you?
Her heart was stuck in her throat as her face morphed into a look that showed genuine incomprehensibility. Never once had her outstretched hand been rejected, but Deertes was not furious at her for not holding onto her hand, she was furious at her for backing away.
At that moment, she hated Cinder more than Alex. Cinder who was just looking at her, looking at her getting dragged away by Alex.
If you were to grab my hand, I will be able to survive. So, why?
The sound of gunshots rang out again.
“Down!”
Deertes’ body fell into the pit, followed by Alex’s moan. The injured shoulder hit hard against the floor again. The same shoulder that she had experienced the sharp pain in. As she hit the ground, she heard the sound of something break radiate throughout her body. At the same time, her surroundings and the sounds that came with it disappeared as her eyes turned white.
For a split second, Deertes had experienced what exactly death was.
The pain was so unbearable that most of her senses, if not all, were numbed and or completely gone. But not long after, the pain shot up her like a jarring blast of lightning as it spread throughout her body.
“Ho…oh!”
She could not even scream, the voice that came from her throat was cracked. The sounds at her ears were so distant and close, sounds that appeared to be both the continuous firing of guns and Cinder’s swearing.
At the same time, it was almost as if she could hear Serene’s, her father’s and the King’s voice as well. All the memories in her mind were shaken and in a mess.
She would rather lose her mind, yet her consciousness did not fade. As a result, Deertes was able to hear the sounds made by the people and observe how the situation was playing out around her.
Deertes could see Alex’s group begin to retreat, leaving behind the women, as the shooters made their way down from the dunes.
Gradually, the sound of gunshots faded away whilst the voices of the new men got closer and closer. Perhaps the men who had fired shots from the dunes could hear them collecting women. Hear them as they counted each and every one of them.
“You don’t have to chase after those who had run away! After all, there are only three of them remaining.”
“It’s all women here. Are we supposed to have to prepare for the auction?”
Deertes closed her eyes upon hearing the men’s conversation. They’re well-trained? They’re better than them? Deertes’ face distorted with ridicule. She wanted to ask Cinder whether she was listening to their conversation. She wanted to tell her that she was wrong.
Deertes wanted to hurl something at them, but she could not even move an inch. She was angry and frustrated at why she had to be put into such a situation. The situation was made even harder for her considering she had no one to pin the blame on, leaving her angry, afraid and unjust.
So, Deertes eventually turned to think of other things.
When she opens her eyes, she will notice that she is in her bedroom in the mansion as the nanny brings her breakfast. After saying good morning to her father and Serene, she proceeds to take the scheduled class in the afternoon before ending the day watching the forest from the back of the mansion. She could not help but miss the days and routines in which she thought were boring.
And she was afraid of the future that was starting from now onwards. What more will she be able to see in the future?
Then, she saw a gun rolling on the sand. It was a gun that was dropped by a man who was shot in the head. The gun seemed to speak to her.
Grab me. Point me towards your head and pull the trigger. It’s simple, isn’t it? If you were to just do it like that…
She felt like she was so close to achieving all those things that she had thought about. To go to a time where there was no pain or screaming, a time that was calm, beautiful and peaceful.
“Ugh!”
Deertes walked up and grabbed hold of the gun. The long gun was coated in a layer of thick, sticky blood. Even if she tried moving it a little, it would send a shock of pain through her as she could not move it properly, leading her to soon break out into cold sweat. As a result, Deertes’ hand, which was trying to hold on tightly to the gun, slipped multiple times.
She did not want to think about it anymore.
Not her family, not the inheritance, not the properties and assets, and not about the serenity. Deertes looked up at the sky that was filled with stars that seemed to quickly pour into the dim view. She thought that she had finally reached hell, yet the sky was filled with more stars than she had ever seen in the entirety of her life.
Where many had died, killed, fallen ill, and sold. The land was full of terrible things yet it had the most beautiful sky.
Slowly, Deertes lifted the end of the gun and placed it under her chin. She was not aware of how it was to be done, but she had read once in a book that this was how it was supposed to be done.
It was a gun that had recently been used a while ago, so she assumed that she had to pull the hammer.
“Ugh…”
Tears flowed down her cheeks at the thought of running away from this hell as soon as possible and the fear of instinct. Pull the trigger, and this hell would all be over. All she had to do was move her finger a little yet she could not figure out why such a small action felt extremely tough to do.