I become his bride today.
Today was our wedding day.
Hair that looks like gold, eyes that capture the clear sky as it is, and smooth lips that give an intelligent nose and a firm impression. The handsome prince envied by the young men, he was my fiancé.
I couldn’t believe the miracle that had happened to me, so I tapped the floor with the soles of my shoes. It wasn’t until I felt the shock return to my toes that I could believe that it was reality.
I, who was a fallen baron, could only fall in love with the prince.
But marriage.
The laughter kept leaking out. My heart swelled with happiness.
Then I suddenly became nervous about this miracle that had happened to me. Because it was like undeserved happiness for me, who was born unhappy, it was too much happiness for me to enjoy.
I gripped in my hand my pendant, a memento of my birth mother who died in an unknown reason. My heart subsided at the cold sensation of the metal.
As I was barely relieved, the moment I tried to put the pendant in the jewelry box, a broken string rolled over the floor. It seemed that it was not my pendant that rolled on the floor, but my happiness. My heart sank.
I tried to laugh, but my anxiety did not disappear. As the ceremony was delayed, the anxiety grew in size. And the feeling that made me anxious became reality and hit me.
My fiance, my lover, who promised love, was found dead on the day of my wedding with him. With another woman, in where it was supposed to be my new room.
***
The sunlight came through the window and pounded my whole body. The moment my eyes open in the dazzling sunlight, I realize it.
That the day has begun again, that I have to live one more day. This time, repeated every day, was unbearably terrible.
When I got up, I sat blankly at the edge of my bed, glistening in the sunlight and counting the dust floating in the air.
How many days have passed with the door locked? Three days? Four days? I searched my memory, but it was cut off.
The memory of the day he had died are vivid even in the air, and since he died, my time has been cut off as if it was stolen by a thief.
I don’t know how many days since the door was locked, but I couldn’t forget how many days had passed since he died. It has been just one month since he left me by means of suicide. One month? If it were a month, today was the last day of the year.
And.
“Lucy, Lucy, Lucy!”
She opened the door she had locked and walled Lucy like crazy. Soon, a pretty-looking maid with brown hair and freckles ran to her.
“Ah, young lady, hush, come to eat…”
Lucy, with tears, seemed to recommend me a meal, but I hadn’t called Lucy to eat.
“I have to to Marquis Verde’s New Year banquet. Please prepare.”
If I had married him as scheduled, my first official itinerary to become the Crown Princess was today at the New Year’s banquet of Marquis Verde. Marquis Verde, the mother-in-law of the prince and the father of the Empress, was also the family that served as my guardian.
It was to congratulate Allen Verde, the youngest son of the Marquis of Verde and his last close friend who died, was a knight. Allen was a person who would be my escort after joining the Knights of Edges, who was in charge of close guard for the royal families.
So it was natural for me to go there.
Leaving Lucy behind, who didn’t know what to do, I started preparing to attend the banquet.
It was the first social event I attended since that died. After he died, I stayed in the mansion for a month. I couldn’t do anything in vain.
I finished bathing, cleaning her skin, drying her hair, set clothes and accessories, and put on makeup while being attended by the maids.
“What about Elliott?”
“I gave the schedule when my lady was taking a bath. Elliott is also preparing. “
My brother Elliott is Bruel’s successor, it’s hope and only light.
In Burel, Elliott is praised as the talent who raise our family, but he couldn’t even attend the party of the Marquis of Verde on his own, unless he was my companion.
Elliott was not the real successor, because of the status of a ruined baron’s family, which could not be included in the nobility in the capital. But to me, the status of Baroness was secondary.
“Dear, Elliott is waiting in the reception room after preparations have been made.”
“Lucy, let’s finish it up.”
With Lucy’s help, she finished her makeup and put on the clothes and accessories she had chosen. On her head she put a pin in the shape of a marigold, which was her birth flower, and a silver pendant, a memento of her dead mother, was hung on her neck.
The dress she wore today was dark grey. Like being a widow.
Elliott opened the door to the waiting room. As if the color was faded, his light brown hair and the same eyes as his hair look at me.
Bruel had a pale pigment from generation to generation. Unlike me, whose color is dark, Elliott had a strong appearance that inherited Bruel’s character.
Elliott bowed his head toward me.
“Diana, the glory of the light.”
Diana, the status that I have been given by the imperial family and the weight that weighs on me.
‘Diana’ was a single victory given only to unmarried women by the imperial family. The imperial family, who was troubled every time a new girl, a saint, or an ambiguous woman appeared, gave them the title of ‘Diana’. And when they got married, the title was taken over by itself.
‘Diana’ is nominally a member of the imperial family, and accordingly, is treated similarly to the royal family. The status of ‘Diana’ relieved many of the noises that occurs when young lady of a poor family becomes the Crown Princess.
I am Riddel Burel, but no one calls me Lady Bruel or Bruel’s Riddel. I am only ‘Diana’.
I was able to become ‘Diana’ because I was about to marry him. But his death destroyed our marriage and the reason I had to become ‘Diana’ disappeared.
Ironically, for me the reason I had to become ‘Diana’ disappeared, so I continued to be ‘Diana’. Wether I marry another nobleman and offer ‘Diana’, or keep ‘Diana’ as an unmarried, the option was mine.
‘Diana’, this was the legacy he left for me. ‘Arfin’, the prince of the Estia Empire, who left a legacy to me.
After he died, she repeated his name countless times. Hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of times a day, she calls and sings again.
Today I ask the same question to him who had no answer.
Did you really love it? Then why did you have to die?
Arfin died and my world collapsed, but the world without him was intact.
Daily life repeats and time passes. Even when he died, my life was not over. Even if it’s a boring and meaningless life.
The time flowing unchanged like today’s repetition led me to the Marquis of Verde.
As I got off the wagon, silence fell. When I was escorted by Elliott and entered the banquet hall, the voice of the banquet hall stopped at the same time as I entered.
Only the musicians’ music continued through the strange silence.
I felt like I was dreaming. All this is a dream, and I haven’t woke up from the nightmare the day before the wedding.
“Diana, you came.”
It was the Marquis of Verde, the organizer of the banquet, who broke my delusions.
“It is natural for me to congratulate the Marquis of Verde on his joyful work.”
“I would be very happy if Allen could be congratulated by Diana.”
Allen, Verde’s second son, bowed to me.
“Diana, the glory of the light.”
Allen was the nephew of Empress Isabelle and the cousin of Prince Arfin.
“Diana.”
Allen said to me who finished bowing.
“I will be your knight.”
The banquet hall fluttered unexpectedly at Allen’s words.
Allen’s knights oath to me was by no means light. An absolute oath of self-dedication. Allen’s oath was too heavy for me to bear for the rest of my life.
But I understood Allen’s heart. Because we lost the same person.
The banquet was held according to the prestige of the Marquis of Verde. A well-appointed banquet hall, finely tuned music and food, and high-class conversations with classy people. He wasn’t anywhere, but everything at the party was perfect nonetheless.
I pleaded with the Marquis of Verde and went out to the terrace and lowered the curtains.
I couldn’t stand the laughter and the gaze of those who mocked me. The crown prince fell in love at first sight with the young aristocratic Baron Bruel who had no estates left, and was born and raised to the capital for the first time.
However, this fairy tale did not end beautifully. the main character of the fairy tale, the prince, was found dead on the day of the wedding. the cause of death was suicide. The imperial family announced it as a fallacy, but the rumors spread secretly and persistently.
On the day of the wedding, the fact that the prince was found dead with a woman other than his fiancee in the priest and his wife’s room, all sorts of scandals struck. So, the romance of the century quickly turned into gossip.
People said that a lowly woman, who didn’t know she ate, eventually ate the prince.
It wasn’t even wrong. When I was young, I ate my my mother and I, who lived crouched all the time because of misfortune, eventually led to his misfortune.
It was me, the unlucky Cinderella who lost her fiance on the day of her wedding after being the protagonist of the romance that the whole country envied.
When I was so drunk with my misery, the door next to the terrace opened with a click and a light lit up there. the light faded to my terrace.
As I turned my head and looked at it, there was a man who seemed to swallow the light in the dim light.
The man, who wore black hair, dark purple eyes, and underocated black clothes, was Alfer Herace, Duke of Herace.
That man also wore mourning clothes.
Realizing that, I somehow made a fuss laugh. Holding Duke Herace, I wanted to boast that I was wearing mourning clothes like him. Little comradeship sprang up. But we already had a greater bond than that.
On the day of the prince’s wedding, the woman found as a body with the prince, that woman was the young lady of Duke of Herace. The man’s younger sister was the woman who died after throwing a tremendous amount of care at the family.
The man was at the funeral. Like me, who couldn’t escape the death of her fiance.
I couldn’t stand the laughter leaking out loud. Laughter became crying, and crying held my breath.
The sound of the wind that blew didn’t leave my ears. That buzzing wind blew everywhere. The wind in my heart would not be avoided wherever I went.
My insides that had nothing to eat were nauseous as my stomach stiffened. The rotten odor in me didn’t go away. My head was spinning, adn the buzzing sound did not leave.
“…. Dell, Riddel, Riddel, Riddel!”
My name, which no one calls me anymore, was called.
The only one who called me.
Ah, he goes back to me………….Again, again. I held him tightly in front of me. To never leave again. By my side forever, you are, you are.
Tuk.
My hand, grabbing the man’s clothes, fell.
The trembling body, the disgusting speed, and the buzzing sound in my head disappeared neatly.
I got up from the floor where I had been overturned, corrected my posture and stared at the person in front of me.
“Duke Herace.”
Of course, the person in front of me was not the dead ‘him’. Suddenly, Duke Herace, who was on the other side of the terrace, came over here, staggering, unable to breathe properly.
“Diana, I am Diana. Don’t call me like that again unless you’re planning to destroy the Imperial family.”
Duke Herace’s eyes narrowed as he looked at me. Probably embarrassed, in the yard where the back ship, the prince, was also lost. If you were a great noble, like the Duke of Herace, it wasn’t enough to hold on to and pray with a lifeline.
But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to beg for his legacy left on me. This was mine. Mine left after he died.
“Diana, are you okay with you body?”
“Of course?”
Duke Herace looked at me for a while without a word.
“Diana, I just made a mistake because I thought it was an emergency. Please forgive me.”
Duke Herace bowed his head, apologized, and went back to the terrace across. The man just opened the terrace door and disappeared into the banquet hall.
As soon as the man disappeared, I was put back in place.
I was choking. I had a terrible seizure. There was nothing special. I’ve been like this since he died.
I put my hands together, covering my mouth and nose, and slowly exhaled and inhaled. I repeated my breathing and exhaling with my face on my skirt but nothing got better.
My head was bright and I felt empty. I tried to hold onto the rationality that was getting more and more vague because the blood was spinning, but to no avail. The more I did, the more severe pain seemed to scratch my head, and my hands and feet became cold.
I tried to cover my mouth and nose again and hold my breath as much as possible, but my efforts didn’t pay off. As the condition continued for a long time, my mind became hazy. It was a familiar feeling. Just before fainting, I’m in this state.
The doctor told it was a hyperventilating attack due to excessive stress. If it is normal, hyperventilation alone will not kill you, but if you are in my state now, it is not strange to die anytime. I wasn’t eating properly, moving, or sleeping, so my condition was like nothing else.
When the next seizure came, I was told that my life was in danger if I did not take first aid, so the maids took turns protecting me day and night. I was sick of the prison made of gaze, so I locked the door, but my tough life didn’t die.
The consciousness getting farther away was familiar and strange. I had a feeling that it was really over now.
Snow started to fall in the black sky. Like the day I sent him.
People said that our love ended in tragedy was a natural outcome. I didn’t know that. No, I think I knew. We now know that the overwhelming heart every time we met, all those things that swelled as if to burst, were a precursor to our end.
But asked again. If I knew, would I have loved him? I asked myself all this time after his death, but there was only one answer.
I would have loved him. I couldn’t help but help love him, even if it squeezed my heart, or ate my soul throughout the meeting. At least I did.
There was no need to question my love for him. I wanted to spend a day with him even at the cost of my soul.
But if I had know that my love for him was his death, would I still love him? Had I been, I might have given up on him.
After his death, why he died, how he really loved me, and many things scratched me, but nothing bothered me more than the fact that he was not in this world.
The only thing I want to come now is that he is alive.
Even if he didn’t love me, even if he didn’t know me at all, if he lived somewhere in this world, that was my only hope.
Then what were we dong? Was it really love that drove him to death? I never doubted that he loved me. How could I have misunderstood such a clear feeling? He loves me, that was the truth I had.
But then, why did he last moments of his life with someone other than me?
Something must have happened to him.He must have been caught up in a conspiracy. I’ve thought about it hundreds of times, but he’s not there anymore. No answer is given.
The fact that he is not there stands before the confidence he gave me. Then I doubted his love, which I never doubted before. turning around like that, I stand in front of a conviction.
I’m sure he wouldn’t have died if he hadn’t met me.
My love, that made him die, his love who died before me, what were our feelings that we thought was love? Did we really knew what is love?
Perhaps because I couldn’t breathe for too long, my body was drooping and my eyes were closed. the shawl I was wearing was also missing, so my whole body became cold like an ice sheet. Snowflakes blowing in the wind settled over my body.
the death I’ve been waiting for so far has come. At that time, the curtain covering the terrace lightly flung, and the door opened and a person appeared.
“Riddel! Riddel, Riddel, Riddel-…”
Oh, this is Duke Herace again.
I couldn’t have his last name, so I wanted to have the legacy he left behind. So I wanted to die as Diana. I was going to end my life as Diana without marrying anyone.
But just as I couldn’t his end, I couldn’t even save the legacy he left behind. It was Riddel, not Diana, who they called me at the last minute.
Did we really love?
I believed that it was so even after his death. And at the least I thought there must have been a moment like that. But now, looking back, love may have been a luxury between us.
If it was our love that took his life and made me die too, then what we did was not love. It’s just a mome,tary emotion that led each other to ruin.
It was only in the face of death that I could admit that he had left me.
If so, ah, yes. If so, next time I see him again, then I’ll pretend I don’t know. If it wasn’t for what we loved, we don’t pass by again, dear please, I wish the full enjoyment of your life.
It was the last day of the year 481, the twenty-two-year-old winter that ended my life like that. It was just one month after he died.
And I have now reached the 16-year-old-spring in 475.