Bella picked up a small knife. Then, without an ounce of hesitation, she held it against her wrist. She had only one goal in mind: cutting her wrist with the knife. She was not afraid to do so. Because she was more afraid of living without him.
The moment she was about to slit her wrist, a whitish cloud of smoke started to formulate in front of her eyes. The partially transparent smoke gathered more and more into the shape of something.
Bella was shocked to see the condensed smoke move on its own into a visible shape, so shocked that the steel knife in her hand was rattling. She couldn’t dream of touching the smoke nor could she take her eyes off the phenomenon happening in front of her.
Because the shape formed by the condensed smoke was Arthur; the sharp face she liked and the wide arms that always hugged her. It was none other than him. No doubt about it. She said to him, in a quivering voice, “Arthur…?”
The smoke didn’t respond, but it cracked a smile as if it heard Bella’s words. She approached the smoke as if possessed, putting her hand on it. Her hand went through the shape, which only consisted of smoke. With her hand still held out, she calmly studied Arthur’s appearance. Then, she found something unusual.
There was nothing where Arthur’s lower body should have been. Just smoke. Nothing else. Bella then figured out what had appeared in front of her.
“A gho… ghost?”
It was a ghost that had lost its true identity.
Kit stopped reading and imagined the story for a moment. The image of Bella, who had lost her beloved lover, and Arthur, who could only look at her sadly. Is death the salvation of Bella’s life without Arthur?
At the same time, she remembered Edwin. What if Edwin, who used to say death was salvation, was also living life after losing someone precious? So what if that’s why death was salvation for him, too?
Having thought about Bella, Arthur, and Edwin all day, Kit couldn’t fall asleep. Falling asleep after a few hours of tossing and turning, she dreamt of something weird.
The surroundings were jet black, and she couldn’t see a thing. When she wondered what a strange dream it was, a light leaked out from the dark background, and the scene changed.
The first thing she saw was a hell of a lot of people. In the middle of the cheering crowd stood a man. It was a middle-aged man wearing a red robe, smiling gently at the crowd. He had a beautiful head of gray hair. From looking at him, Kit got an odd sense of deja vu as if she’d seen him somewhere before.
Then, the man’s eyes shifted from the crowd to Kit. His black eyes were chillingly transparent—smooth gray hair and black eyes. Kit could recognize that he really resembled someone she’d met.
Edwin Arthur Windsor. That’s who he resembled. Sooner or later the identity of the middle-aged man in the middle of the crowd came to mind. He was Edwin’s father.
At that same time, she realized that she knew exactly why she had felt deja vu. When she was very young, she happened to go to the capital and saw him reigning in the crowd. The scene unfolding in her dream now was the same she had seen that day as a child.
Kit couldn’t understand after so many years why suddenly she was seeing him in her dream like this. The man, who was looking at her, moved his lips. When he did that, she heard a clear voice that sounded too real to be a dream. The voice of Edwin’s father.
‘You will soon see.’
With a strange feeling, she opened her eyes again, and the day was bright. The feeling of the dream was much different than her dreams in the past. Because despite it being just a dream, she strangely imagined it like it was real. It wasn’t just the dream landscape that was vivid.
‘You will soon see.’
Kit recalled the ghastly voice. Was it a message? Did Edwin’s father mean that she will see someone? The late king? How is she supposed to see someone dead? Lying on her bed, she thought deeply about it for a long time, but she couldn’t decipher the message. It was just a dream or something.
Kit eventually got out of bed, giving up on the impossible message. As she got up, the first thing that popped into her mind was Edwin. She wanted to visit him again and persuade him not to ride the carriage. She still didn’t want him to die. Even though he had left her with the saying ‘Death is salvation.’
But today she was a little worried. Because of the confession she had made yesterday. Every time she thought about how she had said that she didn’t like him but loved him, she felt like dying of embarrassment. Although Edwin had not even pretended to hear the confession.
Kit didn’t even know if that was a good thing. Because if Edwin had been embarrassed by her confession, she would have been more hesitant on her way to him. She didn’t know if she should take it as luck or not. Feeling reluctant, she prepared to leave. However things panned out, she wanted to see Edwin. That was one thing that remained unchanged.
When Kit arrived at the library, Edwin was still sitting in the same chair, in the same position. Kit cleared her voice with a few fake coughs. Then, she soon approached him and said quietly, “You shouldn’t take the…”
The moment she was about to tell him he shouldn’t take the carriage, Edwin cut her off at once.
“I am going to take it.”
She looked at Edwin in silence. When her eyes fell on his impassable face, she was worried that she might not be able to persuade him today. On the other hand, she was excited to see him. Was there anything else she could do after having already confessed to him anyway? That was courage that had sprung up strangely.
“Do you not know what death is? It is when you do not exist on this earth,” said Kit in an arguing tone. As soon as she said that, Edwin responded without even looking her way.
“Have you forgotten that you promised not to bother me?”
Ignoring his question, Kit brought up something else. His eyes were still glued to the book in front of him.
“You don’t have anything precious? Well… like a pet or something? If you die, you can’t ever see it again.”
“I don’t raise such things.”
“Then what about something you want to achieve before you die?”
“Nothing.”
Edwin’s replies fired back quickly like bullets. It was like whatever she said, he’d say the same thing: ‘Nothing’. If he had even an ounce of consideration for her, he would not be responding so quickly.
“Then…”
“Nothing. There is nothing worth staying here.”
Edwin, who had been looking at his book the whole time, was now looking at Kit. His stare was much chillier than it’d been yesterday. It was clear that he still was not fond of her.
But all she wanted to do was save him. That’s more or less what she was hoping for. Edwin was obviously her first love, but she had never wanted to develop a sexual relationship with him. Because she already knew that was an unreachable dream. It was right not to hope for what would never happen.
She knew her own mind so clearly, and all she wanted from him was to tell him to not ride the carriage. But why was he looking at her with such cold eyes? Kit mustered up a little more courage and said to him, “There is something. Something worth you staying here.” Kit paused and continued at his silence, “It is me… The one who loves you. Kit Gerald. I am crazy for you.”
She dwelled on the unbelievable words that just flew out of her mouth. She would never have said that if she were timid like she’d been in the past. But since returning, she has been strangely good at speaking her mind. Perhaps she was also tired of her life, which was a series of misfortunes, and just let go of everything.
Edwin grinned at her words and replied, “Where on earth did you get the confidence to say that? You mean I should live with an ugly woman I only just met a few days ago? Damn you.”
She knew her attempts to persuade him were futile; she had to find more words to shake him up. Stormy, fierce words that’ll rattle Edwin’s stone-cold heart.
“If you die, I will also die,” she said as she looked at him with determination in her eyes. Alright, this would certainly shake him up if he was a man with a bit of emotion. It wasn’t long before he finally started to react to her words. Distorting his mouth, Edwin’s smile was borderline ridiculing Kit.
“That is not my concern.”
How could his mockery be so beautiful? His laugh, in perfect harmony with his haughty chin movements, was nothing short of brilliant. How wonderful it would be if he smiled properly. As Kit thought of that, she couldn’t take her eyes off of Edwin. But her appreciation didn’t last long. Because Edwin’s face turned stiff once again.
Had Kit failed at convincing him again? She took a long, deep breath. How was she supposed to convince him now?
When she was wondering if she had failed to persuade him like that, a cloud of smoke began to rise next to Edwin’s neat gray hair. The suddenly formulating smoke was the same color as his hair. It moved in a strange form and began to shape up.
Kit wondered if it was a hallucination. But the shape of the smoke looked too unusual to call it that. Soon the grayish smoke was in full shape. And surprisingly it became the shape of a human. The ghost had the face of a man in his forties. Kit suddenly recalled the scene in the book she’d read yesterday where Bella saw Arthur’s soul.
There was nothing where Arthur’s lower body should have been. Just smoke. Nothing else. Bella then figured out what had appeared in front of her.
“A gho… ghost?”
It was a ghost that had lost its true identity.
Kit looked down at the floor where the smoke was collecting. Then, goosebumps spread all over her body. Because the smoke that made the shape of a human torso and face didn’t have anything below the waist. It was the same thing that Bella had seen.
“A gho… ghost?”