Chapter 11. Courage and Compromise
Translated and Edited by Gigi
*****
“Please use me.”
Reibene Schrandel. If Asaya hadn’t met the man again here, she would have buried him deep in her heart, left alone wanting revenge. Feelings such as vengeance, anger, resentment, and sadness would have melted in a faded time. That’s what time does. It makes everything dull. She thought her mind and people would melt and become dull in the passing time. But it didn’t. As soon as she saw Reibene Schrandel again, the embers of revenge that had long extinguished came back to life.
Revenge and happiness. She had to decide at these two crossroads, Asaya ironically decided to take revenge. Of course, happiness was more important than revenge but the moment Asaya reunited with Reibene, she realized that she could not have happiness without revenge. Unfortunately, she couldn’t get revenge alone. She couldn’t do anything. This was a damn reality. To have the happiness she desired, this revenge would have to be successfully ended, and Edwin Kabelheider’s strength was desperately needed in the whole process. But it wouldn’t be easy.
“I have to say it right away. I think you want to take advantage of me to get your revenge rather than asking me to use you. Is that right?”
The expected reaction came out. There was no warmth in Edwin’s voice. He was a difficult person to understand. It had been from the beginning. So it was always difficult and more dangerous. Asaya remembered when she first came here. The time when they made a deal on what they had. Even now, she thought it was not much different. If this was also a kind of deal, she must again succeed in this reckless deal.
“It’s half true, so I won’t deny it.”
“Half? Why is it half?”
“Because revenge is not the main thing. It is additional .”
Revenge should not be the main purpose. Asaya’s blind goal was
just one. The happiness and the freedom to live in the future of her family and herself.
“I don’t want to let go of this life you have given me. What I want is happiness, not revenge. But I know that I cannot separate the two.”
“What’s that different? It’s just a sneaky way to say that you want to use me for your happiness.”
Asaya looked nervously at Edwin. The man who made her unable to relax was indifferent. Despite the rudeness that could possibly be taken offense, Asaya was still unshakable. But she couldn’t feel relieved.
“I think my happiness and your happiness are on the line.”
“Why?”
“I know you don’t get along with the church. I know the reason why you brought me to this place and treated me excessively. In order to live smoothly with the body of a Royal, you had no choice but to lean on the church, and the church would have tried to control you using your situation.”
“You know well.”
“After all, Reibene is Bishop of the church, so one way or another, he’s your enemy too. If so, isn’t he a common enemy? If you do, please allow me to support you in confronting that enemy. I want to help.”
Edwin looked at Asaya grimly, bowed his head at an angle, then relaxedly folded his arms.
“What do you have? What specifically can you do for me? I don’t just hire anyone. I only hire people who are useful. Unfortunately, I am not a philanthropist.”
Same as last time. The situation was no different from that night when he asked her what she could give, but it wasn’t as embarrassing as then.Thanks to the experience for this kind of reaction.
“l am a survivor of the incident seven years ago. I think that alone has enough value. I don’t know how you know about the incident, but probably the majority of those involved in the incident are dead. What’s left will be my family now and the survivors who might be somewhere outside the wall.”
“So?”
“The incident seven years ago was not just an incident. I don’t know the details, but I can be sure of one thing. If the event floats on the surface, the authority of the church will fall.”
“I know that the case that the church concealed is big enough to destroy the church. In the first place, it was such a serious matter, so it must have been hidden inside. You are a survivor of the event, but you don’t know much about it, so I don’t know what you’re going to do if you come forward.”
“But my father knew everything.”
“I heard that Count Runeshard Lubedoa disappeared two years ago.”
“I do not know for sure if my father is dead or alive. One day, he suddenly disappeared and two years have passed, but I don’t think he’s dead.”
“In a word, it’s just your guess.”
“Father left me a key before he went missing. I don’t know what the key is used for. He just said that it was important and that I should always keep it safe. Soon after he handed over the keys, he went missing. I think the key is related to the truth of that day.”
“Why?”
“My father knew the truth of the day but he hid it even from my family. Instead, he started collecting books like a crazy person. Wandering all over the place, scouring the trash or approaching merchants and soldiers who went outside the wall.”
Asaya thought the incident seven years ago was quite appealing to Edwin, however, Edwin’s response was still indifferent.
“My father disappeared spontaneously. On the day he handed me the key. He acted like someone about to leave.”
Just looking at Asaya with an expressionless face, Edwin casually started cutting the steak.
“So you want to dig into the case 7 years ago but you can’t do it yourself and need my help. That’s your request?”
“Yes.”
Edwin put the steak in his mouth and was lost in thoughts. As for the case seven years ago, it was already under investigation without anyone pushing its back. Long before he met Asaya. Ever since the church was caught covering up something. Asaya Lubedoa and her family appeared in the midst of it.
And the key was left to his daughter by Count Lubedoa, who may know all the truth behind it. Naturally, Edwin was attracted, but whether or not to use Asaya for this was a separate matter.
“I see what you’re talking about. Surely what you have will help. But I’m opposed to you intervene directly in this matter.. “
“Is it because I’m not trustworthy?”
“It means that you don’t have to get into the fight. If you need my strength in that story-telling revenge, I will cooperate with you. I have nothing to lose. Surely what you have is tempting but you don’t have to put yourself out there. I can do it myself. You, your friend, and your family just need to sit back and give us the information we need. Stop thinking about doing something yourself. I hate being bothered.”
Asaya, who was listening silently to Edwin, replied in a cautious voice.
“I didn’t mean to go out and do something right now. It’s just that the church is my enemy so I hope that my strength will help you. The collapse of the church. .. My revenge will be completed. If you need me, I can help you out. I want to prove that having me by your side was a choice you didn’t regret, and that was what I wanted to say.”
Edwin looked at Asaya’s eyes clearly facing him. He thought that her eyes were the same as when he first met her. They were calm but fierce.
“I told you, I don’t deal with a loss. So prove it while you’re by my side. If you are worthy of use, I will consider whether to use you thoroughly.”
“Okay.”
At Asaya’s calm answer, Edwin kicked his tongue.
“Why do you want to volunteer to do it when you have already had enough of suffering?”
“That way, my heart will be a little more comfortable. I am a coward for being afraid of the man. I think I will be relieved if I do anything.”
As he stared at Asaya, who called herself a coward, he replied calmly.
“The real coward is not going to fight back. He would be in a hurry to run away.”
“I would have run away if there were no one to watch over. “
“A real coward throws away what he has to protect and runs away. In that respect, you’re quite brave. It’s been the case since the first time we met eyes to eyes. That’s what courage is.”
“Why is that courageous?”
“As soon as you came, you said you would give me your body. Then, you tried to take off your clothes as if you wanted to. After all, didn’t you just agree to come here even though you know how you would be treated?”
At Edwin’s words, Asaya laughed weakly.
“People refer to it not as courage, but as a compromise. It’s a compromise to live by selling myself.”
“It takes courage to make a compromise.”
Among the people outside the wall, there were those who gathered under the wall and those who reached out over the wall. Just a while ago, Asaya treated such people as pathetic. Being beyond the wall wasn’t even hope, but do they really want to get a free and abundant life by selling themselves there? All of that was just an illusion. So, was there any more terrible death at the end? They shouldn’t die miserably by being ridiculed anyway. No matter how much hunger and difficulty their lives were, they shouldn’t sell their pride. They shouldn’t die while being servile to others. Asaya used to think so.
“People would do anything when they are in trouble. Courage? Well, I think it’s purely more instinct than courage. It’s an instinct. It was a survival instinct. Even if we die, let’s eat, feed, and die. If death is the same, let’s do anything. All the people who gathered there must have been like that. But at some point, other people say we have no pride and are dirty.”
Well, it was not wrong. It was true that Asaya let down her pride and compromised with the gloomy reality. She thought it couldn’t be helped even if she got cursed and ridiculed by others. But the man in front of her said that to be able to make a compromise was courageous.
“I made a compromise because I’m a snob. How do you call that courage?”
“Yes, a snob is like that. That’s why I hate those who are gathered outside the wall, but I don’t think it’s something that can be divided by right and wrong standards apart from my personal likes and dislikes. Compromise is something you have to give up or throw away. It takes determination. Cowards can’t even do that.You’d better get a profit when you can. Especially if it’s a poor environment like outside the wall, it’s better to take care of your own profits within the fence of the law of course.”
Edwin continued speaking in a rather sarcastic tone.
“I’m sure each of you has your own reasons. Of course, I don’t care about other people’s situation, and when I didn’t know you, I treated you like everybody else outside the wall. But you’re not a stranger anymore, are you? I know your situation and understand to some extent why you had to make such a choice. That’s why I’m telling you. You’re rather courageous.”
“Why?”
“You gave yourself to me for your family.”
Asaya stared at Edwin blankly. A totally unexpected remark came out. She couldn’t believe it because it came from his mouth, who was always bitter and cold.
“You abandoned yourself to protect others, but how is that snob?
You came to me with the intention of dying in the first place. It’s more of a sacrifice. The spirit of sacrifice cannot be exercised without courage. What kind of a coward tries to save others at her expense?”
How could he say that so casually? Asaya bowed her head. It was surprising that a man with a noble status explained to her about life, and expressed the compromise that others point at as a spirit of sacrifice while Asaya was being ashamed of herself.
“That’s why the existence of being protected is very objectionable. Sometimes it makes people become cowards and sometimes it makes them the most courageous. So you can’t get rid of it at all and have to keep being mindful. Life gets tired when that happens.That’s why you shouldn’t create an objectionable thing. In that sense, you are very annoying. How can you make yourself a coward and the most courageous person in the world at the same time? By the way, didn’t you ask me to use you without fear?”
Edwin stood up as if he had finished eating.
“Don’t make a useless leap of yourself. Not everyone can make a compromise in the first place. It’s also your talent to be able to close the deal with me.”
With the last words, he left without looking back. Asaya,who was left alone, cutting the meat. She dipped the meat in a sweet sauce, savoring the taste of it that melted in her mouth, and recalling Edwin’s last words.
“Did he encourage me just now?”
The conversation was by no means a friendly tone. So if it sounded sweet, this would be an obvious illusion. His voice wasn’t friendly, but the content he conveyed was very affectionate. It was a satisfactory conversation time that momentarily moved her mind. However, it should not be mistaken. “Don’t uselessly do your thing, it will annoy me.” In the end, that was the meaning he conveyed in the conversation.
“Why am I getting the illusion that he cares for me? Let’s not be mistaken.”
Edwin was a good person. Therefore, he fulfilled the husband’s role. The relationship between Edwin Kabelheider and Asaya Lubedoa was decided on a piece of paper. She had to remember that it was just a business relationship. That everything he gave was to be paid in return for her life, and that no personal feelings should arise in the meantime. It was something Asaya should never forget.
Chapter 11. Courage and Compromise
Translated and Edited by Gigi
*****
“Please use me.”
Reibene Schrandel. If Asaya hadn’t met the man again here, she would have buried him deep in her heart, left alone wanting revenge. Feelings such as vengeance, anger, resentment, and sadness would have melted in a faded time. That’s what time does. It makes everything dull. She thought her mind and people would melt and become dull in the passing time. But it didn’t. As soon as she saw Reibene Schrandel again, the embers of revenge that had long extinguished came back to life.
Revenge and happiness. She had to decide at these two crossroads, Asaya ironically decided to take revenge. Of course, happiness was more important than revenge but the moment Asaya reunited with Reibene, she realized that she could not have happiness without revenge. Unfortunately, she couldn’t get revenge alone. She couldn’t do anything. This was a damn reality. To have the happiness she desired, this revenge would have to be successfully ended, and Edwin Kabelheider’s strength was desperately needed in the whole process. But it wouldn’t be easy.
“I have to say it right away. I think you want to take advantage of me to get your revenge rather than asking me to use you. Is that right?”
The expected reaction came out. There was no warmth in Edwin’s voice. He was a difficult person to understand. It had been from the beginning. So it was always difficult and more dangerous. Asaya remembered when she first came here. The time when they made a deal on what they had. Even now, she thought it was not much different. If this was also a kind of deal, she must again succeed in this reckless deal.
“It’s half true, so I won’t deny it.”
“Half? Why is it half?”
“Because revenge is not the main thing. It is additional .”
Revenge should not be the main purpose. Asaya’s blind goal was
just one. The happiness and the freedom to live in the future of her family and herself.
“I don’t want to let go of this life you have given me. What I want is happiness, not revenge. But I know that I cannot separate the two.”
“What’s that different? It’s just a sneaky way to say that you want to use me for your happiness.”
Asaya looked nervously at Edwin. The man who made her unable to relax was indifferent. Despite the rudeness that could possibly be taken offense, Asaya was still unshakable. But she couldn’t feel relieved.
“I think my happiness and your happiness are on the line.”
“Why?”
“I know you don’t get along with the church. I know the reason why you brought me to this place and treated me excessively. In order to live smoothly with the body of a Royal, you had no choice but to lean on the church, and the church would have tried to control you using your situation.”
“You know well.”
“After all, Reibene is Bishop of the church, so one way or another, he’s your enemy too. If so, isn’t he a common enemy? If you do, please allow me to support you in confronting that enemy. I want to help.”
Edwin looked at Asaya grimly, bowed his head at an angle, then relaxedly folded his arms.
“What do you have? What specifically can you do for me? I don’t just hire anyone. I only hire people who are useful. Unfortunately, I am not a philanthropist.”
Same as last time. The situation was no different from that night when he asked her what she could give, but it wasn’t as embarrassing as then.Thanks to the experience for this kind of reaction.
“l am a survivor of the incident seven years ago. I think that alone has enough value. I don’t know how you know about the incident, but probably the majority of those involved in the incident are dead. What’s left will be my family now and the survivors who might be somewhere outside the wall.”
“So?”
“The incident seven years ago was not just an incident. I don’t know the details, but I can be sure of one thing. If the event floats on the surface, the authority of the church will fall.”
“I know that the case that the church concealed is big enough to destroy the church. In the first place, it was such a serious matter, so it must have been hidden inside. You are a survivor of the event, but you don’t know much about it, so I don’t know what you’re going to do if you come forward.”
“But my father knew everything.”
“I heard that Count Runeshard Lubedoa disappeared two years ago.”
“I do not know for sure if my father is dead or alive. One day, he suddenly disappeared and two years have passed, but I don’t think he’s dead.”
“In a word, it’s just your guess.”
“Father left me a key before he went missing. I don’t know what the key is used for. He just said that it was important and that I should always keep it safe. Soon after he handed over the keys, he went missing. I think the key is related to the truth of that day.”
“Why?”
“My father knew the truth of the day but he hid it even from my family. Instead, he started collecting books like a crazy person. Wandering all over the place, scouring the trash or approaching merchants and soldiers who went outside the wall.”
Asaya thought the incident seven years ago was quite appealing to Edwin, however, Edwin’s response was still indifferent.
“My father disappeared spontaneously. On the day he handed me the key. He acted like someone about to leave.”
Just looking at Asaya with an expressionless face, Edwin casually started cutting the steak.
“So you want to dig into the case 7 years ago but you can’t do it yourself and need my help. That’s your request?”
“Yes.”
Edwin put the steak in his mouth and was lost in thoughts. As for the case seven years ago, it was already under investigation without anyone pushing its back. Long before he met Asaya. Ever since the church was caught covering up something. Asaya Lubedoa and her family appeared in the midst of it.
And the key was left to his daughter by Count Lubedoa, who may know all the truth behind it. Naturally, Edwin was attracted, but whether or not to use Asaya for this was a separate matter.
“I see what you’re talking about. Surely what you have will help. But I’m opposed to you intervene directly in this matter.. “
“Is it because I’m not trustworthy?”
“It means that you don’t have to get into the fight. If you need my strength in that story-telling revenge, I will cooperate with you. I have nothing to lose. Surely what you have is tempting but you don’t have to put yourself out there. I can do it myself. You, your friend, and your family just need to sit back and give us the information we need. Stop thinking about doing something yourself. I hate being bothered.”
Asaya, who was listening silently to Edwin, replied in a cautious voice.
“I didn’t mean to go out and do something right now. It’s just that the church is my enemy so I hope that my strength will help you. The collapse of the church. .. My revenge will be completed. If you need me, I can help you out. I want to prove that having me by your side was a choice you didn’t regret, and that was what I wanted to say.”
Edwin looked at Asaya’s eyes clearly facing him. He thought that her eyes were the same as when he first met her. They were calm but fierce.
“I told you, I don’t deal with a loss. So prove it while you’re by my side. If you are worthy of use, I will consider whether to use you thoroughly.”
“Okay.”
At Asaya’s calm answer, Edwin kicked his tongue.
“Why do you want to volunteer to do it when you have already had enough of suffering?”
“That way, my heart will be a little more comfortable. I am a coward for being afraid of the man. I think I will be relieved if I do anything.”
As he stared at Asaya, who called herself a coward, he replied calmly.
“The real coward is not going to fight back. He would be in a hurry to run away.”
“I would have run away if there were no one to watch over. “
“A real coward throws away what he has to protect and runs away. In that respect, you’re quite brave. It’s been the case since the first time we met eyes to eyes. That’s what courage is.”
“Why is that courageous?”
“As soon as you came, you said you would give me your body. Then, you tried to take off your clothes as if you wanted to. After all, didn’t you just agree to come here even though you know how you would be treated?”
At Edwin’s words, Asaya laughed weakly.
“People refer to it not as courage, but as a compromise. It’s a compromise to live by selling myself.”
“It takes courage to make a compromise.”
Among the people outside the wall, there were those who gathered under the wall and those who reached out over the wall. Just a while ago, Asaya treated such people as pathetic. Being beyond the wall wasn’t even hope, but do they really want to get a free and abundant life by selling themselves there? All of that was just an illusion. So, was there any more terrible death at the end? They shouldn’t die miserably by being ridiculed anyway. No matter how much hunger and difficulty their lives were, they shouldn’t sell their pride. They shouldn’t die while being servile to others. Asaya used to think so.
“People would do anything when they are in trouble. Courage? Well, I think it’s purely more instinct than courage. It’s an instinct. It was a survival instinct. Even if we die, let’s eat, feed, and die. If death is the same, let’s do anything. All the people who gathered there must have been like that. But at some point, other people say we have no pride and are dirty.”
Well, it was not wrong. It was true that Asaya let down her pride and compromised with the gloomy reality. She thought it couldn’t be helped even if she got cursed and ridiculed by others. But the man in front of her said that to be able to make a compromise was courageous.
“I made a compromise because I’m a snob. How do you call that courage?”
“Yes, a snob is like that. That’s why I hate those who are gathered outside the wall, but I don’t think it’s something that can be divided by right and wrong standards apart from my personal likes and dislikes. Compromise is something you have to give up or throw away. It takes determination. Cowards can’t even do that.You’d better get a profit when you can. Especially if it’s a poor environment like outside the wall, it’s better to take care of your own profits within the fence of the law of course.”
Edwin continued speaking in a rather sarcastic tone.
“I’m sure each of you has your own reasons. Of course, I don’t care about other people’s situation, and when I didn’t know you, I treated you like everybody else outside the wall. But you’re not a stranger anymore, are you? I know your situation and understand to some extent why you had to make such a choice. That’s why I’m telling you. You’re rather courageous.”
“Why?”
“You gave yourself to me for your family.”
Asaya stared at Edwin blankly. A totally unexpected remark came out. She couldn’t believe it because it came from his mouth, who was always bitter and cold.
“You abandoned yourself to protect others, but how is that snob?
You came to me with the intention of dying in the first place. It’s more of a sacrifice. The spirit of sacrifice cannot be exercised without courage. What kind of a coward tries to save others at her expense?”
How could he say that so casually? Asaya bowed her head. It was surprising that a man with a noble status explained to her about life, and expressed the compromise that others point at as a spirit of sacrifice while Asaya was being ashamed of herself.
“That’s why the existence of being protected is very objectionable. Sometimes it makes people become cowards and sometimes it makes them the most courageous. So you can’t get rid of it at all and have to keep being mindful. Life gets tired when that happens.That’s why you shouldn’t create an objectionable thing. In that sense, you are very annoying. How can you make yourself a coward and the most courageous person in the world at the same time? By the way, didn’t you ask me to use you without fear?”
Edwin stood up as if he had finished eating.
“Don’t make a useless leap of yourself. Not everyone can make a compromise in the first place. It’s also your talent to be able to close the deal with me.”
With the last words, he left without looking back. Asaya,who was left alone, cutting the meat. She dipped the meat in a sweet sauce, savoring the taste of it that melted in her mouth, and recalling Edwin’s last words.
“Did he encourage me just now?”
The conversation was by no means a friendly tone. So if it sounded sweet, this would be an obvious illusion. His voice wasn’t friendly, but the content he conveyed was very affectionate. It was a satisfactory conversation time that momentarily moved her mind. However, it should not be mistaken. “Don’t uselessly do your thing, it will annoy me.” In the end, that was the meaning he conveyed in the conversation.
“Why am I getting the illusion that he cares for me? Let’s not be mistaken.”
Edwin was a good person. Therefore, he fulfilled the husband’s role. The relationship between Edwin Kabelheider and Asaya Lubedoa was decided on a piece of paper. She had to remember that it was just a business relationship. That everything he gave was to be paid in return for her life, and that no personal feelings should arise in the meantime. It was something Asaya should never forget.