Chapter 17
Nadia almost spat out her tea. Barely keeping her dignified appearance, she stared at his face, not even knowing that she was gaping. After numerous scenarios passed through her head, she came to the conclusion that he must only be teasing her.
“Don’t make fun of me. His Majesty is two years younger than you…”
“Of course, I’m talking about the previous Emperor. What did you think I was saying?”
“B-But!”
Nadia was confused. If he really was the Emperor’s illegitimate child, why did he become the Marquis of Elantz? If his father was the previous Emperor, then who was his mother?
Edwin observed Nadia’s stunned face, himself elated at the sight of her not knowing what to do.
She couldn’t tell if he was being serious about this or if he was just teasing her. When she looked at Edwin’s expression, it seemed as though he was telling the truth despite his broad smile. This was too serious to lie about.
“It’s clear that you have a lot of questions.”
“I-I’m not curious at all!”
Nadia shook her head vigorously. She didn’t want to get caught up in anything complicated. While still smiling, Edwin stood up.
“That’s a wise answer.”
Seeing as he was about to leave, Nadia inwardly rejoiced. Edwin straightened his rumpled clothes, leaned down to kiss her forehead, his eyes like crescent moons.
“If you have any questions, you can ask me anytime.”
A husband can do that much for her. He pretended to be in a pleasant relationship with her, but to Nadia, he was like a beast biding his time, waiting for the right chance to bite her neck. Nadia averted her eyes and nodded.
“Don’t just stay inside the castle. You can go around and sightsee. I’ll arrange a knight escort for you.”
Whenever he acted friendly, Nadia could feel goosebumps rising on the back of her neck. At first, it was a sweet voice that she could almost fall for, no matter how many times. Listening to this voice while looking at his face captivated her completely—but that was before. Not anymore.
“Alright.”
Nadia answered calmly. No matter how flustered she was, her heart pounded. Nadia tried to forget the few words that Edwin had told her, stopping herself from examining the relationship that he revealed in such a blasé manner.
There would be nothing good about knowing it. She regretted even being curious about the Emperor and Edwin.
Knowing him, he acted that way perhaps because of his absurd way of wanting to get a rise out of her. He mentioned such a huge thing just to see her surprised reaction. From this day onward, Nadia vowed not to be flustered by his absurd behavior every time he acted that way.
What did he mean he was an illegitimate child of the previous Emperor? Among the dirty rumors that she heard, there was no such mention. No, was there? It wasn’t worth remembering in any case, that’s why she must have forgotten it after hearing it once.
If his father was the previous Emperor, who was her mother? Edwin’s mother, Marchioness Elantz, and Princess Adella were both younger sisters of the previous Emperor. At the time of marriage, the Marchioness wedded the Marquis when he was nearing 60 years of age, so it could have been difficult to see a successor. Would that be a reason to accept the previous Emperor’s illegitimate child into the household as an adopted heir?
No matter how much she thought about it alone, there was no answer. The previous Emperor and the previous Marquis of Elantz have already died, and Princess Adella left someplace else no one knew.
Nadia didn’t have the courage to ask Edwin for more details. All she could do here was to quash her curiosity.
A few days later, Edwin urged her to go out. He told her that he had already prepared a carriage while saying that she should sightsee instead of just staying in the castle.
“You don’t like being with me, do you?”
He smiled without any signs of displeasure as he said this, then he left without even waiting for her answer. Nadia was puzzled the entire time she prepared to go out.
Wearing an inconspicuous, simple dress and loosening her hair lightly, she headed out the main entrance of the castle where a carriage was waiting for her. Instead of Susan, a maid from Elheim would be attending to her.
She was surprised because it was sudden, but it was a welcome proposition. It was amazing seeing the capital and all the buildings there. In addition to the different clothing trends here, her expectations kept rising because she would be able to see so many new things in this foreign land.
Also, if she had the chance, she wanted to visit the river. The Asharam River was a very wide river. Though it wasn’t appropriate to play in the waters due to how deep it went, there were many small streams flowing into Asharam, making it a large river. People could even dip their feet in the shallow parts of the river that’s close to the city.
Nadia walked slowly, hiding her child-like excitement. The carriage she was riding on looked normal enough, so it didn’t stand out. But the moment she saw the red-haired knight standing next to it, she halted in her steps.
“Madam?”
The maid, who was following a little behind Nadia, called to her curiously. Nadia gulped dryly and walked again. When the old coachman said his polite greetings, Asheel bowed his head with a cold expression on his face.
Nadia heard a sudden sharp breath, and when she looked back, she saw how the young maid’s face was dyed red, at a loss on what to do. At this, a bitter smile tugged over Nadia’s lips.
“Milady, I shall be escorting you.”
“…I’ll be in your care, Lord Khurshid.”
Nadia swiftly got onto the wagon to avoid him in case he’d try to kiss the back of her hand. Subsequently, the maid and Asheel went in as well. Because Asheel was sitting across from her, she turned her eyes outside the window to avoid his eyes. She didn’t want to talk to him either.
When Ashil knocked behind him, the carriage rattled and started moving. Breaking the uncomfortable silence that continued hovering in the air for a while, the maid carefully spoke up.
“I-Is there anything you’d perhaps want to see, Madam?”
“What’s your name?”
Nadia asked the maid, looking at her flushed, freckled cheeks. The young maid answered, looking down anxiously.
“It is Becky, Madam.”
“Becky, nice to meet you.”
As soon as Nadia smiled, the lively girl began to talk about this and that. Nadia thought that she might have been too young, but she’s a pretty good guide. The first place they arrived at was a noisy market. It was a market adjacent to the pier, where it was very crowded.
She was surprised by her surroundings for a while, but all kinds of scents rushed in. There was a pungent smell of smoke coming from somewhere, the sharp fragrances of unfamiliar spices, a faint metallic smell of blood from the butcher’s, and the strong scents of aromatic oils in an alley from which the wind blew. Then, from somewhere else, the savory smell of meat stimulated her appetite.
Even though it hadn’t been long since she had a meal, her mouth was already watering.
Nadia looked around excitedly. There was a store where necklaces and earrings were lined up, their colorful beads hitting each other with a pleasant sound. They also passed by shops selling colorful patterns.
In a store where a stuffed deer head was hung, a large man was waving off a fly while flailing around a bloody chunk of meat. At the fish store next to that one, grimy cats meowed and hovered in front of an old woman who was chopping off the head of a fish.
As she looked at the cats, she was momentarily transfixed. Then, someone’s arm suddenly hugged Nadia’s waist strongly. A short yelp came out from her, however, it was drowned out by the loud noise of a mountain of fruits on a cart falling down right in front of her.
Perhaps because she was surprised, her heart pounded as if it would pop out of her lips. It wasn’t long until she realized that the pounding sound did not come only from her heart. She felt a loud thumping sound from the solid chest behind her, and it was at a similar speed as her heart. She already knew whose arms these were that she immediately felt steady.
“That was dangerous, Milady.”
In a small voice, she whispered, “Thank you,” and pushed him away to escape his arms. But instead of being pushed away, he embraced her waist even more tightly again as though he didn’t want to let go, but he eventually did.
Becky was frantic beside her, but she couldn’t hear. Nadia instantly felt miserable as she realized, with just this one embrace, how she hadn’t forgotten how affectionate he had been with her. Or if it wasn’t an embrace, it was an ambiguous enough contact between them to be called an embrace.
This excitement felt like a lie. Did it make sense that she missed a man who did such a horrible thing to her? It was clear that she needed to pull herself together.
Nadia didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want any feelings to surface whenever she looked at his face. She hoped that it would be fine eventually, that she’d look at him in the same way she looked at the other knights of the castle.
When would these complicated feelings disappear? Love? Yearning? Guilt? Desperation? Anxiety? Things that could never be defined as one emotion swirled together within her.
It would have been easier to organize her feelings if she never had to see him again. But this cruel man appeared in front of her as soon as she thought she could forget him, shaking her heart once more.
Since that day, her desire to be loved, which had been buried deep within her and locked up so that it would not come up again, had been fluctuating.
She did not want to cling onto Asheel as much as just because she didn’t know anyone else. But whenever she cried alone, whenever she would be at the receiving end of her husband’s temper, she missed his warm embrace.
This desire made Nadia think that she was pathetic, weak. She recalled what Asheel had put her through in that secluded room at the Imperial Palace. Whenever she thought positively of Asheel, she could hear another voice reminding her of what he did.
It would be nice if someone could tell her the answers she wanted to hear. She felt like a lost child. She didn’t know where to go, it’s like she’s at a standstill…
Nadia went deep into the market as though nothing had happened. She could see from one corner of her eye that Asheel and Becky were behind her. She wanted to turn her eyes somewhere else, to see things that she might like, so she looked around and listened to the words of solicitation from the merchants who were impatient because she did not stop moving.
────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────