It was a strange thing.
Rachel always had a strange smell. A cozy and warm scent.
The sweet scent she had at the banquet was good, but Ian liked Rachel’s original scent even more. Her scent reminded him of a sunny afternoon.
In the room where the cool wind came in through the small open window, it was like lying under the warm sunlight that passed through the white linen curtains and came into the room.
A languid afternoon.
His happiest moment came to mind.
“….”
Ian laughed a little. He didn’t have a day like that, but it was funny. Maybe there won’t be a day like that in the future.
“Rachel.”
“Yes.”
But it didn’t matter. When he called her name, she had a clear and quiet voice.
“Rachel.”
“…Yes.”
After her response, Ian called her name meaninglessly once again. Rachel gave Ian a little pause as if he were strange, but soon heard her voice again.
At last, Ian smiled in satisfaction.
“Do you want to go see the sea next week?”
“…The sea?”
“I wanted to see it with you.”
Rachel blinked slowly, as if contemplating for a moment.
“Let’s go. You haven’t seen it yet, right?”
Ian gave a small push.
The sea. In order to see the sea in the Levskaya Empire, we would have to go down south for a long time. It would take about three days to get there.
Rachel soon nodded without much thought.
“Do you not feel like traveling that far?”
Ian bent his head towards Rachel, who didn’t look very happy, as if to look at her expression. Somehow Rachel’s mouth seemed more stiff than usual.
“No, it’s good.”
Rachel realized that her face was stiff, and forced herself to pull up the corners of her mouth.
“I’m just a little tired.”
“You’re tired?”
Rachel nodded lightly.
“I went to many places today. It’s been a while since I went out.”
“Oh, you must be tired. That’s true.”
Ian nodded as if he understood.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize.”
He apologized quietly, and looked back to the path they were walking on.
“Shall we go back? Will you return to your room and rest?”
“Yes.”
“I should have paid more attention. I’m sorry.”
Rachel frowned slightly, then she looked up at Ian, who’d apologized to her repeatedly. Somehow he’d felt alien many times today.
“Then I’ll be back next week. Let’s go to the sea then.”
“…Yes.”
“Hurry up, and go up. I’m leaving now.”
“Get home safely.”
Rachel quietly bid him farewell, and slowly climbed the stairs.
Then she walked quickly after she went up the stairs, and was no longer visible to his eyes.
TapTapTapTap
By the time she entered her room, she was almost running.
Click
Rachel closed her door, then leaned her back against the tightly closed door.
‘It’s weird.’
It was strange.
When she thought of it, everything was weird from the beginning.
Where could it have started?
Yeah, everything had been weird since she’d returned to that day when she was 14 after she’d died.
A miracle beyond common sense.
And this time Rachel had left Ian. She didn’t want to be with Ian, who’d abandoned her, anymore.
That’s what she thought when she abandoned Ian. She would no longer give up on herself because of Ian. She chose her life over him.
But when she thought about it, she hadn’t forgotten Ian for a second. She read the newspaper every week because she was worried about him on the battlefield.
Maybe he was in danger, maybe he was still safe. She was worried about him every day. Was it just affection?
She’d left him and went to Ravenna, but in her heart, she still hadn’t left him.
Then there was Ian’s confession that he liked her, which seemed to be another miracle. Ian had come to her, and whispered to her that he liked her.
His attitude was so different from her previous life, but she thought it was just an extension of the miracle. She just believed that was the case.
But she also thought maybe all of this wasn’t a miracle.
“Ha…”
A deep sigh left Rachel’s mouth.
“I’m not weak enough to catch a cold as easily as you.”
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Ian certainly said this.
Cold.
In her previous life, she’d suffered from a bad cold for quite a long time during that winter on the Avery estate. That first winter, she suffered from a cold so badly that she couldn’t stop coughing.
But apart from that year, Rachel didn’t have many memories of catching colds.
When she was very young, she lived in a small, shabby room with her mother. She suffered from a bad cold once there because she couldn’t keep herself from the cold and the wind at all. After that, she didn’t catch a cold as easily.
While young maids easily transferred colds to each other, Rachel had never been seriously ill.
Sometimes she’d have a slight fever, but that was it. She’d never coughed, had body aches, or suffered from a high fever.
The slight fever quickly disappeared, and she had no memory of suffering from a cold. Except for that winter at 14 until the spring when she was 15.
“Don’t tell me, do you remember?”
Rachel’s legs felt weak, and she sat down on the floor.
“Then like me.”
It didn’t even occur to her to get up on the floor.
When she was dead, did he regret it?
Was that why he came to see her?
Why?
Then how could he throw her away so coldly?
If he’d liked her even a little bit, he couldn’t have treated her so coldly. Why did he whisper that he liked her now?
Since when?
“….”
If she hadn’t figured it out, how long would he have kept deceiving her?
Rachel raised her trembling hand, and swept her hair back.
She often thought that maybe he knew the past like she did, but every time there wasn’t anything conclusive.
Because the eyes that looked at her now, and Ian’s eyes in her previous life, were like completely different people.
For some time during her first life, Ian seemed annoyed with her. Whenever they met in the Imperial palace, he frowned every time, then he’d turn his head as if he’d seen something he didn’t want to.
Then he would pass by casually while he pretended not to know her. But they’d been together for three years in a place where no one was around. She’d served him faithfully for three years.
Was all the time with her annoying to him?
If she thought about it, life in the cabin wasn’t that different. At some point, Ian became indifferent and heartless to her.
Rachel didn’t know what really bothered him so much.
So, she cursed herself every day. She thought it was all her fault that he changed.
Was he mean to her for being unreasonably greedy just as Lady Avery said? Or maybe he didn’t want to talk to the ungrateful thief.
Whatever the reason, Rachel just wanted to cry as he turned his head away from her, as if he didn’t know her.
While she wasn’t loved by her parents, it was much harder being ignored by Ian.
She thought it was all because of her that the person, who was friendly at times, had turned cold.
Rachel was even more careful whenever they met. Ian frowned whenever their eyes met, so she bowed her head so that he wouldn’t be angry anymore, and walked carefully all the time in case she met Ian.
Obviously, she tried hard in her own way, but he got colder day by day. She didn’t want anything big either, she just wanted him to pretend to acknowledge her.
Was it her greed? Was it excessive greed?
Rachel was no longer happy around Ian. She wanted to stop seeing Ian, but it wasn’t easy to not face Ian, who was avoiding her.
Because Diana often took her to see Ian. Diana seemed to hate her, but she always needed a maid, so she took her from place to place.
To her tea party, charity events, and when she went shopping.
Of course, every time she brought Rachel with her, she was mean and made her do all sorts of bad things. She was ignored and humiliated in front of many aristocratic ladies and lords. Although she was mocked, she could endure it as long as she wasn’t meeting with Ian.
It wasn’t sadder than seeing Ian, who was annoyed and cold every time he saw her, but smiled brightly at Diana.
Rachel had no choice but to stare at him, even if she didn’t want to. She knew that the more she did so, the sadder she was, but she couldn’t help but be distracted by the pretty smile she’d never seen.
Ian looked happy when he was by Diana’s side, in a way that Rachel had never seen.
Diana looked good beside Ian. Of course, Diana was sometimes harsh to her, but not as much as Ian was.
The two were an awful pair.
“At today’s tea party, Lady Hana lost her earrings.”
“I gave Rachel a piece of cake today, and she ate it in such a hurry. Like a person who’d been starving for days. I was so embarrassed that I gave her everything.”
Of course she often gossiped about Rachel.
Still, Rachel learned to keep her mouth shut.
She wondered if the reason why Ian hated her was because of Diana’s lies, but even if that was the case, there was nothing she could do.
When Diana was like that, Ian would just shut his mouth without a second thought.
Until Diana would move on to another topic.
While she was grateful that Ian didn’t spew words of agreement with Diana, Rachel was still appalled when he kept his mouth shut.
The silence, which somehow seemed to reproach her, was hard.
During those moments, she sincerely thanked Diana for breaking the heavy silence and changing the topic.
No, if she thought about it, Rachel was a little bit more than thankful to Diana.
Because she could make Ian smile.
Diana gave her something that she would never have been able to receive in her lifetime.
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Perhaps Rachel could’ve asked Ian to let her quit being a maid at the Imperial palace. It was possible that Ian would give her that much grace since she’d served him closely during his most difficult time, but Rachel never did.
***